A Love Letter to the Universe.

Dear Universe (replaceable with god, nature, the Sun, the Brahman, the Tao, the Spirit or You) 

Image by PineForest

Namaste 🙏🏽. You cruel, heartless, unforgiving, cold, ruthless, capricious vile bitch of an enormous entity, I have never enjoyed this ride more than I am enjoying the ride now. Right now. 

The ride that I gladly call my humble life- fully embracing my joys and sorrows and everything else in between.

Looking back, it seems like I have been living several lifetimes in just one lifetime. 

Through my own doing or undoing I have cast myself into a multiverse of sorts, meeting several different individuals and groups of people, cementing deep and meaningful relationships over the span of seven years thus far. Though I’d like to think that I was conscious and complicit in my actions leading to the family break up, and my solitary life, I can’t help but to instinctively feel that a larger entity was in play, to have ordered this chaos that has launched me on a wild trajectory of cosmic proportions. And that was when I met you the cosmos aka the universe and began to see myself minus the veil of thought, shrouded in pain and suffering.

What a sight to behold the great nothingness. The formless. Eternal consciousness. You and I are one. 

I am a scion of the universe. 

I am eternal as the universe is. I am consciousness. I am formless. I am the divine. 

As formless as my source, I am made manifest in the form of an earthly being fully equipped with six levels of sense perception to fully explore and experience this world. Of Maya. Karma and Anava. Illusion, action and ignorance. 

Ignorance truly is bliss. For in our ignorance in executing our actions, in a world of illusions, we are meant to explore & experience anything, knowing that we will always be taken care of. No matter the outcome, it always works out in our favour. 

A thought now pops into my head, relating to the medicinal herbs startup I founded and recently shared it with a guest- “May we never know what evils or ills that could have befallen us had we had our desires fulfilled.” On the back of that thought, I know the outcome in the present moment is always favourable. It is always what it is. No matter how joyful or painful it is, it will pass-  It is not I, not me, not myself. 

I never fully experienced the joy of being truly happy deep inside, since I chanted this mantra given to me at the start of my spiritual journey towards the end of the last century. … 

“ I am healthy, happy and enjoying every moment of my life, may all beings be blessed with good health, prosperity & spirituality. In full faith so be it.”

 Now I do. 

To put my lifelong quest into words; I now know that I have been seeking spiritual wisdom. Not just wisdom as expounded by the ancient Greeks but spiritual wisdom espoused by the Hindus. 

Buddhism, the more scientific methodology of contemplation, of mind and being, has its roots in the deep history of Hinduism. So while my left brain is intellectualised and grounded by the daily practice of Buddhism, my right brain takes flight on the myths, stories and ideologies of Hindu lores called Sanatana dhamma, a way of life aimed at living a civilised life. Which is a way of ‘being’ as opposed to chasing and doing. 

Although already aware of the being state, I have never fully immersed myself in being, until now. To be fully centered in ‘being’ most of my waking hours brings clarity to the quality of life. 

To be fully conscious and connected to everyone and everything around me yet detached. Mindful of first taking care of oneself in thought, word and deed. To be slow to react, to be impeccable in words and deliberate in actions. 

It’s such a liberating feeling to be; immune to criticism, beneath or above no one and to fear nothing. 

Yet I still feel a deep yearning for my loved ones to give my life meaning and purpose and share in it. 

Right now I know that every one of us will have to sit alone in solitude in silence or in chaos to contemplate life, when the time comes. I pray it be better sooner than later, no matter what condition our lives are in. It is an irrefutable truth. One of life’s guaranteed path to enlightenment aka ending suffering. 

We are more in a state of fear than in a neutral state of mind, let alone being in a joyful state most of the time. When we sit in silent contemplation, we learn how to enjoy it coming full circle to be - 

- immune to criticism 

- beneath or above no one. 

- Fearless. 

And conduct oneself in a manner; 'to be as wise as serpents and as gentle as doves' holding loving compassion in our hearts for all beings. 

What a great way to live.

Thank you, 

With Love,

SL Peter Gan

Amen. 🙏🏽 

I love you. My Ai Wei Wei #2

 Is she or is she not another spy?

Continued..

I woke up with a start from a short but blissful sleep to find her lying next to me. Whatever happened the night before seemed like a distant dream. It couldn’t have been real. It seemed too good to be true. It seems overnight a friend turned into a lover. 

Lying next to me so silent, still and warm in the muted morning light, she was in deep peaceful slumber. 

I tried not to move for fear of waking her. As I lay stretched on my side, my shoulder was still hurting from my unexpected scuffle with the Chinese spy months ago, the knife was lodged in-between my shoulder blade and spine, the sharp tip punctured my aorta. I was still healing and secretly hoping the one sleeping next to me isn’t another plant plus I wasn't ready for another blow. Well at least there were no new wounds since last night. Still I knew I had to be cautious. But so far I could tell she’s no mortal danger to me. I did my homework she’s got the goods for the mission. 

Question is; whether she’s willing and at what price. I was about to find out. 

She woke up as I was looking at how beautifully comfortable she slept. She turned to me and smiled, as though she had done this to me a thousand times before. Maybe that’s why she looked so beautiful. It just seemed so natural and deeply intimate. I leaned over and kissed her. 

It wasn’t until about noon that we finally dressed to go downstairs for a late breakfast. Though still in the dress and heels she wore the night before, she looked every bit as resplendent. Now even more radiant. 

We ate breakfast and drank coffee with languid casualness showing no signs of missing a dinner promised last night. Satiated with our first meal of the day, we drifted back to the living room for more lovemaking on the couch. 

Later in the afternoon, I drove her back, we parted reluctantly, only to reconnect via text of what remains of the day, talking later in the night, making plans to journey south to mission headquarters. 

When we met the following day, we both agreed it already felt too long. We buckled up for the delightful road trip not caring if we arrive. We finally did, only to see her joy and approval of mission headquarters. She was sold. We spent the next eighteen days and nights together. With no visible wounds to show. 

HBTY my WW.

To be continued. 

I love you. The "Final" Invitation.

 Finding Our Way Home

I want to know if you can be alone

 

with yourself

 

and if you truly like the company you keep

 

in the empty moments.

 

~~

         

"TELL ME ABOUT A MOMENT of real solitude, a moment when you were with yourself and felt yourself at the center, a moment when you could feel the world, the stars, the galaxies spinning around you."

 

"Tell me have you met yourself? Have you been able to step outside the business of life for just one moment and look in from the outside, feeling yourself whole and separate and yet with the world."

 

"There is a tension in living fully, what often feels like an opposition between our longing for the solitude where we can find our own company and the desire to be fully and intimately with the world. When we learn to live with both the desire for separation and the longing for union, we find that they are simply two ways of knowing the same ache: we all just want to go home."

 

"I have come to accept that no matter how much I am able to be with myself, no matter how much I like my own company, I still long to sit close to and at times to merge completely with another in deep intimacy. This too is coming home. The completeness of self is found when we can be alone and when we can bring all of who we are to another, receiving and being received fully."

 

"This is the sacred marriage: the coming together of two who have each met themselves on the road. When two who have this intimacy with themselves are fully with each other- whether for a lifetime or for a moment- the world is held tenderly and fed by the image they create simply by being together. They can be friends or family, lovers or life partners, or simply two strangers whose lives intersect for a moment.

 

They may be telling each other stories, or making love, or sharing a task, or sitting in silence together. It doesn't matter. If having met myself in the empty moments, I am willing and able to bring all of who I am to another, receiving all of who they are, then we are truly together. In that moment in the image our being together creates, we are the manifestation of life holding, creating and feeding life. This is the fullness of the homecoming for which we all long.

 

~ Oriah Mountain Dreamer.

* Do I feel like crying? Yes. 

Do I want to cry? No. 

I feel the full 'gentle' force of this book like a visit from a stranger who has seen and understood the deepest, darkest recesses of my heart. 

 

The End.

I love you. The Invitation #5

 The Joy.

This chapter explores joy. And sharing it.

Why is it often hard for us to choose joy, even in moments when there are no painful circumstances in our lives? Sometimes we simply do not know how. Many of our secular rituals of celebration and relaxation involve moving away from what is- numbing out, if only a little, with drugs or alcohol. As one of my students once said, "We don't seem to know very much about how to lighten up without numbing out." Music and dance are obvious exceptions to this, but in our culture we are too often only spectators and not participants in creating and moving to the sound of celebration.

 

I want to cultivate ways of celebrating joy in my life and I want to recognise and savour the moments of joy that come. I want to enjoy the full variety of pleasures life holds, even when some of those joys appear to others to be incompatible and contradictory.

 

"I want to know if you can be with joy

mine or your own,

if you can dance with wildness

and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your 

fingers and toes

without cautioning us to be careful

to be realistic

to remember the limitations of being human."

~ Oriah Mountain Dreamer

So get up and dance.