A Love Letter to the Universe.

Dear Universe (replaceable with god, nature, the Sun, the Brahman, the Tao, the Spirit or You) 

Image by PineForest

Namaste 🙏🏽. You cruel, heartless, unforgiving, cold, ruthless, capricious vile bitch of an enormous entity, I have never enjoyed this ride more than I am enjoying the ride now. Right now. 

The ride that I gladly call my humble life- fully embracing my joys and sorrows and everything else in between.

Looking back, it seems like I have been living several lifetimes in just one lifetime. 

Through my own doing or undoing I have cast myself into a multiverse of sorts, meeting several different individuals and groups of people, cementing deep and meaningful relationships over the span of seven years thus far. Though I’d like to think that I was conscious and complicit in my actions leading to the family break up, and my solitary life, I can’t help but to instinctively feel that a larger entity was in play, to have ordered this chaos that has launched me on a wild trajectory of cosmic proportions. And that was when I met you the cosmos aka the universe and began to see myself minus the veil of thought, shrouded in pain and suffering.

What a sight to behold the great nothingness. The formless. Eternal consciousness. You and I are one. 

I am a scion of the universe. 

I am eternal as the universe is. I am consciousness. I am formless. I am the divine. 

As formless as my source, I am made manifest in the form of an earthly being fully equipped with six levels of sense perception to fully explore and experience this world. Of Maya. Karma and Anava. Illusion, action and ignorance. 

Ignorance truly is bliss. For in our ignorance in executing our actions, in a world of illusions, we are meant to explore & experience anything, knowing that we will always be taken care of. No matter the outcome, it always works out in our favour. 

A thought now pops into my head, relating to the medicinal herbs startup I founded and recently shared it with a guest- “May we never know what evils or ills that could have befallen us had we had our desires fulfilled.” On the back of that thought, I know the outcome in the present moment is always favourable. It is always what it is. No matter how joyful or painful it is, it will pass-  It is not I, not me, not myself. 

I never fully experienced the joy of being truly happy deep inside, since I chanted this mantra given to me at the start of my spiritual journey towards the end of the last century. … 

“ I am healthy, happy and enjoying every moment of my life, may all beings be blessed with good health, prosperity & spirituality. In full faith so be it.”

 Now I do. 

To put my lifelong quest into words; I now know that I have been seeking spiritual wisdom. Not just wisdom as expounded by the ancient Greeks but spiritual wisdom espoused by the Hindus. 

Buddhism, the more scientific methodology of contemplation, of mind and being, has its roots in the deep history of Hinduism. So while my left brain is intellectualised and grounded by the daily practice of Buddhism, my right brain takes flight on the myths, stories and ideologies of Hindu lores called Sanatana dhamma, a way of life aimed at living a civilised life. Which is a way of ‘being’ as opposed to chasing and doing. 

Although already aware of the being state, I have never fully immersed myself in being, until now. To be fully centered in ‘being’ most of my waking hours brings clarity to the quality of life. 

To be fully conscious and connected to everyone and everything around me yet detached. Mindful of first taking care of oneself in thought, word and deed. To be slow to react, to be impeccable in words and deliberate in actions. 

It’s such a liberating feeling to be; immune to criticism, beneath or above no one and to fear nothing. 

Yet I still feel a deep yearning for my loved ones to give my life meaning and purpose and share in it. 

Right now I know that every one of us will have to sit alone in solitude in silence or in chaos to contemplate life, when the time comes. I pray it be better sooner than later, no matter what condition our lives are in. It is an irrefutable truth. One of life’s guaranteed path to enlightenment aka ending suffering. 

We are more in a state of fear than in a neutral state of mind, let alone being in a joyful state most of the time. When we sit in silent contemplation, we learn how to enjoy it coming full circle to be - 

- immune to criticism 

- beneath or above no one. 

- Fearless. 

And conduct oneself in a manner; 'to be as wise as serpents and as gentle as doves' holding loving compassion in our hearts for all beings. 

What a great way to live.

Thank you, 

With Love,

SL Peter Gan

Amen. 🙏🏽 

One Lazy Sunday Afternoon.

Lazy Sunday Afternoons.

*Batik Painting by Chuah Thean Teng

 

Not to be mistaken for lazy Saturday afternoons or any lazy afternoon, the lazy Sunday afternoon is special if not spiritual in very many little ways. 

 

Apart from having to be on Sunday, the lazy part is largely accessed via feelings, emotions and experience. Lazy is in the sense of being aware but disenchanted. It is a moment where time stands still or at least drags on with a long languid languor of purposelessness. Usually imbued with heat and humidity - hence afternoon, one is caught in a situation one is inextricably part of, even though there’s really nothing happening. The situation as it happens, happens by unfolding unplanned.  A situation within a situation, if you get my drift. 

 

Visualise a situation in real life, in a café by the street, at the seaside, poolside, or simply gazing at nature, where you get to be the observer observing yourself in it. 

It is a scene where everything happens as it should, nothing is amiss. Like a scene in a movie setting waiting for something to happen except nothing happens… not a word is said.

Here is where Sunday makes its distinction, being the sabbath, a holiday largely observed, most people are not bustling about at work or in traffic. Some are cooling off in an after-lunch siesta. Few if none are required in the scene as stillness directs.

This little window of inactivity on a lazy Sunday afternoon is a sweet spot for observers of nothing, at the same time it is ‘full of life’ for the observant. 

 

A childhood memory of such an instance brings me back many years to when I was 7 or 8. It is our family homestead where just three of us were cast in an idyllic scene that framed the perfect lazy Sunday afternoon for me. 

A large luscious lawn spreading out under several coconut palms, under the shade of a short one, sat my mother slicing coconut fronds with a small sharp knife stripping them to their thin stems. The dogs are taking refuge from the heat under the house, my older sister then only a teenager, cradled my head on her knee, using a tiny wooden ear digger exploring my inner ears for wax. My mother while slicing deftly, was surveying the surroundings looking for stray chickens, goats or cows that may wander into our compound. My sister deeply engrossed with the insides of my ear, forced me to keep completely still, only allowing me to take in the entire scene lying on my side as if it was my job to capture, frame and archive this subliminally. While variations of this scene happened several times before at our home, it was this particular situation that stayed with me all these years. Perhaps I was fully engaged with all my senses in that moment feeling a deep sense of connection to the ladies of the house who took care of me. But it wasn’t just about the ladies in the scene as I recall the entire vignette comprising even the smells and texture of the grass, trees, plants, shrubs, background fence, including the large Chiku tree at the end of the fence gently stirring in the afternoon breeze. It was a periphery vision that I had tuned into. A sort of floodlight vision that augmented my spotlight vision that afforded me an expansive even oceanic feel to experiencing the life I was living. 

On that lazy Sunday afternoon, I felt I had a place in this big, complicated, and mysterious world I was thrust into. I felt safe coupled with deep physical and emotional comfort not fully comprehending then, that what I felt was love. 

*Batik painting featured - Chuah Thean Teng, Malaysian artist born 1914 in Fujian, China is widely regarded as the "father of batik art" who developed batik as a means of painting;^[1] "his adaptation of the traditional batik medium into an accepted form of painting ... elevated the status of batik as a craft to an art medium."^[5]