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I love you. My Meditations.

A collection of memoirs, musings and lessons as I go through life. A compilation of notes to self, a dossier documenting experiences in this...

Showing posts with label muse. Show all posts
Showing posts with label muse. Show all posts

Saturday, May 29, 2021

I love you. Success #1

 The definition of a successful life. Now.

Image by PineForest














There is no need to wait until a ripe old age to assess if you have lived a successful life. You can do it now.

Ultimately life as we know it, boils down to three simple questions. 

Just answer these three questions with as much clarity as possible.


1. Where do I live?

2. Who am I with?

3. What am I doing?



These are the notes to guide you in the assessment;


Today we deal with the first.


Question 1 simply covers all aspects from where, to what sort of conditions, to how close to your dream abode are you living in.

This is the most important question because; Where I live determines where I am now. 

Right now is where life happens. The place, the conditions and how close to my dream abode all must contribute to my wellbeing, no matter how humble. Or opulent. 

It doesn't matter whether I own the place I live in. 

The key is my physical, mental, emotional and spiritual well being.

I may live in the slums yet I am happy. Likewise I may live in the swankiest neighbourhood in a palatial mansion but I may not be happy. 

This is how I benchmark my success against "Where I live?" 

- Is safety a tried and tested feature? 

We are responsible for our own safety- external & internal 

- Do my surroundings contribute to my overall peace of mind? 

Do the premises allow for physical activities, to move around to exercise. 

To be close enough to the community to not have to intrude and be intruded upon?

- Is the space within the walls conducive to my wellbeing?  

Can I conduct my personal pursuits and daily rituals in total silence and in absolute privacy? 

Can I play my music anytime. And loud? 

- Am I close to nature and space? 

Being from nature we need to connect with the source and free ourselves from time to time. 


Where do you live?




Monday, February 01, 2021

I love you. My Ai Wei Wei

Art or Artist...? Novel or Novella...?




Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash


He was stealing glances at me while queuing at a counter in the airport.

Our eyes met briefly but deliberately. Neither of us smiled.

I registered an interesting face. A dignified one. 

But a stranger nonetheless. I was in no need for men that weekend.

I escaped a litany of them to relax & enjoy myself in this quaint little town.

Coincidentally we shared a taxi to our hotel and was formally introduced to each other at the pre-wedding party.

We sat drinking beers, smoking cigarettes and talked. 

We shared stories of solo trekking in the Annapurna. We connected at the intellectual level that night.


The next two days we spent time exploring the town eating and drinking- in town, out of town, at the wedding reception, the dinner party, and the after party. 

I enjoyed seeing him and having him around. 

He's fun.

We had a great time as a group of friends celebrating our friend's wedding parties.


We met back in the city months later after he returned from his travels over the year-end holidays.

He surprised me with a present over a quiet dinner of pasta & wine in a fancy restaurant where we talked till late. We shared a common interest in books and authors. But I think we shared a deeper longing for spirituality. Both of us were searching. For life. For meaning. For fulfilment. 

Whatever it was, we certainly weren't going to find it that night.

We reluctantly parted as he had his work and family to go home to and I went home to be alone.

As I lay down to sleep that night, I decided that I like that guy. He's a gentleman and a thinker.

We kept in touch solely through each others' social media postings.

 

Months and years passed until I came back to the local scene. 

It has been an introspective year, I was restless. I was impatient. I felt like a caged tiger. 

It was depressing to take stock of my achievements to find that there seemed to be none.

So I ranted and raved my frustrations online. I was also bored.

He responded almost instantly. He asked if we could meet. 

I said maybe. He suggested dinner. I said maybe.

I was unsure. It's been so long. 

I hardly know him. We've only met a couple of times.

What if he was a serial killer? Worse, a human trafficker. 

So we texted offline. I got tired of texting so I called him.

I was so glad I did. He sounded so different. So different from the person I first met. 

If I had enjoyed him the first time, I think this is an even more enjoyable version.

He sounded so exuberant, so joyful. His voice was calm and reassuring. 

We spoke late into the night, at the end I agreed to meet him for dinner. Why not? I thought.

The date was set two week away. The wait was agonising. 

I just could not wait to see him. He had charmed me, way before he was due to meet me again.


It was a Thursday when I saw him again. He offered to pick me up from my place.

I gave him the general location but not my address for reasons if he was unstable.

He showed up on time and I jumped into his car. He looked every bit the gentleman I knew.

Looking more lean and tanned. Still as attractive.

He promised me dinner but first he insisted on pre-dinner cocktails at his place.

My heart skipped a beat. But I decided to go along with his plan.

Music was playing as I entered his simple but beautiful home.

I felt immediately at ease, at home and a feeling of calmness descended upon us.

We never left for dinner after that.


We sat and watched the sunset over cocktails. We switched to a bottle of rare vintage Rioja after sunset.

"It's a special occasion!" he said while breaking the cork of the 30 year old vintage. 

Decanted, the wine aged beautifully lingering long and strong on a palate of chocolate, dark berries, spices with sweetness of character. The latter trait also describes the man who was my host, 

He skilfully entertained me through the night, coaxing me to loosen more than my tongue.

I told my current story in great detail, then my past in even greater detail. He listened in silence.

I felt liberated to unload years of stories of my childhood to stories of relationships and affairs. 

I felt a sense of pride and relief in unburdening the load I had been carrying all these years. 

I felt uplifted. And I was intoxicated, in every sense of the word. The bottle was also empty.


I had never had sex in quite a long time. I simply never had the chance. I was in need mode.

And here was a charming as fuck (pun intended) individual who has loosened my tongue and now me.

Sensing my willingness, he stood and beckoned me across the patio. I relented.

He took my hand in his and drew me effortlessly close to his chest. 

My face looked up to his face and we kissed. Hard and hungry at first then gentle, soft and long.

We continue kissing as he gently edges me to his leather couch. By which time I am already stripped down to my underwear. He proceeds to kiss my face, my ears, my neck, my shoulders, my breasts. His lips were so soft and gentle. So wonderfully inquisitive.

He takes his time to explore my naked body. Licking sucking and kissing every part his hands and tongue could reach. At times it feels like he has more tongue than hands. He eventually descends to my belly, kissing and licking my tummy and belly button. Moving lower, he pause to gently remove my underwear then dives head-on into my centre. 

He ate me full and wholesome that night. Like I wanted him to, the first night I sat with him almost six years to the date. I have him finally having me. Sweet and long. Pure languid bliss.

We continued to talk, smoke, and drink and then made sweet love all night long. 

It was only at dawn that we could finally tear ourselves from each other to collapse into deep slumber. 


To be continued...

 














Wednesday, September 30, 2020

I love you. My muse. My guru.

Photo by Mathew Schwartz on Unsplash


It was in September when I first met her, on one enchanted evening. 

She wore a red dress. She hosted dinner at one of my favourite restaurants in the city. 

Her flattering dress is further enhanced by her red lipstick. Perhaps I should say the red lips gave the whole ensemble it's centerpiece framed by the perky nose and penetrating doe eyes arched by finely defined high brows. 

She had set her sights for enterprises to build with her sons in her NGO to inject the social element into them. And she liked the T-shirt enterprise we started. Hence the audience with her. It felt like being summoned to have dinner with the queen. I don't recall much of what was discussed between the four of us except the visual was more overwhelming than the conversation or words spoken. I've never met a queen before and I couldn't take my eyes off her. I was simply drowning in my sense perceptions. Here was a woman of intense depth and deeper scars. I was captivated as a tiger would a samba deer. 

We were in constant touch ever since. 

The emails blossomed into the occasional coffee or dinner. Most encounters drag on into deep conversations ending up with invitations to her farm overseas. 

It wasn't on my bucket list but I ended up visiting her at the farm a couple of years later. I saw for the first time what she was describing to me at our meetings. I thoroughly enjoyed every moment of my stay there. It was eye opening. I went on Chinese valentine day- Chap Goh Mei and I returned on western St.Valentine's Day. 

Both Cupids shot their arrows deep. I was infected with the idealogy of social entrepreneuship. Much like Mao was with the ideology of Marx.

We kept in touch via the occasional text until she returned home less than a year later after some changes had happened at her farm. She closed that chapter after three years and brought everything home. She had also brought several burdens home with her. 

Chiefly the trials and tribulations of a single parent raising a teenager. And on the back burner the vision that passionately burns in her heart-to change the world, weighed heavily on her shoulders and mind. 


Building a single platform that onboards social enterprises that better the lives of the marginalised with the privileged. To empower the next generation by building world class products and services helmed by world class talents. These were all that our movement here stood for as well. 


She wanted to start a Social Enterprise platform and she needed help. I was always in business mode looking to climb higher up in the consultancy food chain to avoid extinction. Aka Business innovation or better known as survival. I saw the great value of the social element in enterprises. I was game. It was the next level up. I was excited. 


We crafted a loose plan, she took the lead and started off exploring every nook and cranny of the region. We were aligned in our vision of the world we were trying to build. We spoke at length, day and night, we were fully engaged and having fun. We connected at so many levels that we were never at a loss for things to say or do with each other. Even fighting was fun. We were so different yet so intimately familiar with each other. I told my family that we connected at levels that transcend sex. We travelled extensively, I was soaking in the new experiences and numerous new friends we met along the way. She looked happy, someone remarked at a wedding and news spread to several gossip groups. Maybe she does look happy because she was. I could never tell but I certainly hope she was happy though distant, because I was happy being with her.


Literally finalising our manifesto on the run, in airport lounges and hotel lobbies. We pursued the far horizons in search of our dream of making the world a better place for all.

Her defining moment for me was the time when she delivered a monologue that lasted over an hour convincing the professors, doctors and staff of the top Asian University to start a joint venture enterprise with us. 

She calls herself a social impact investor having invested in one of the largest NGOs in the region if not the world in helping families out of abject poverty. Except instead of just investing money she throws herself and her family into it by moving there and working on the ground. The heroic stories she shared with me were as endless as they were inspiring. If not for her I would not be where I am today. 


Me. 

Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would get acquainted with such an inconvenient not to mention unglamorius & uncomfortable vocation- farming. Mine was the finer realm of boardrooms and C-suites. Luxury hotels, fine bars and restaurants. Finely cut suits and even finer cuts of meguro and wagyu. Appropriately accompanied by fine sake or red wine.

I had spent my entire working life of over three decades eeking out a fine living in the city. The very thought of farming the soil never quite sat with me. But that changed when I met her. I was more open to the possibility. More importantly the numbers worked out very good. 


She. 

She left the life of the board rooms and C-suites having seen the futility of excesses, into the space of socialism. Social Entrepreneuship. Building upon her experience and learnings from her hands-on investments and experiences in the world's largest NGO for over three years. She was ready and capable. 


She had been looking to use her well accumulated knowledge and expertise to build her own farm to start her Social enterprise platform and school.

I wonder if she still wants to do that?

On that fateful enchanted evening, I thought I was the tiger stalking a deer but I realised she was a dragon in hiding. And I a crouching tiger.