A Love Letter to the Universe.

Dear Universe (replaceable with god, nature, the Sun, the Brahman, the Tao, the Spirit or You) 

Image by PineForest

Namaste 🙏🏽. You cruel, heartless, unforgiving, cold, ruthless, capricious vile bitch of an enormous entity, I have never enjoyed this ride more than I am enjoying the ride now. Right now. 

The ride that I gladly call my humble life- fully embracing my joys and sorrows and everything else in between.

Looking back, it seems like I have been living several lifetimes in just one lifetime. 

Through my own doing or undoing I have cast myself into a multiverse of sorts, meeting several different individuals and groups of people, cementing deep and meaningful relationships over the span of seven years thus far. Though I’d like to think that I was conscious and complicit in my actions leading to the family break up, and my solitary life, I can’t help but to instinctively feel that a larger entity was in play, to have ordered this chaos that has launched me on a wild trajectory of cosmic proportions. And that was when I met you the cosmos aka the universe and began to see myself minus the veil of thought, shrouded in pain and suffering.

What a sight to behold the great nothingness. The formless. Eternal consciousness. You and I are one. 

I am a scion of the universe. 

I am eternal as the universe is. I am consciousness. I am formless. I am the divine. 

As formless as my source, I am made manifest in the form of an earthly being fully equipped with six levels of sense perception to fully explore and experience this world. Of Maya. Karma and Anava. Illusion, action and ignorance. 

Ignorance truly is bliss. For in our ignorance in executing our actions, in a world of illusions, we are meant to explore & experience anything, knowing that we will always be taken care of. No matter the outcome, it always works out in our favour. 

A thought now pops into my head, relating to the medicinal herbs startup I founded and recently shared it with a guest- “May we never know what evils or ills that could have befallen us had we had our desires fulfilled.” On the back of that thought, I know the outcome in the present moment is always favourable. It is always what it is. No matter how joyful or painful it is, it will pass-  It is not I, not me, not myself. 

I never fully experienced the joy of being truly happy deep inside, since I chanted this mantra given to me at the start of my spiritual journey towards the end of the last century. … 

“ I am healthy, happy and enjoying every moment of my life, may all beings be blessed with good health, prosperity & spirituality. In full faith so be it.”

 Now I do. 

To put my lifelong quest into words; I now know that I have been seeking spiritual wisdom. Not just wisdom as expounded by the ancient Greeks but spiritual wisdom espoused by the Hindus. 

Buddhism, the more scientific methodology of contemplation, of mind and being, has its roots in the deep history of Hinduism. So while my left brain is intellectualised and grounded by the daily practice of Buddhism, my right brain takes flight on the myths, stories and ideologies of Hindu lores called Sanatana dhamma, a way of life aimed at living a civilised life. Which is a way of ‘being’ as opposed to chasing and doing. 

Although already aware of the being state, I have never fully immersed myself in being, until now. To be fully centered in ‘being’ most of my waking hours brings clarity to the quality of life. 

To be fully conscious and connected to everyone and everything around me yet detached. Mindful of first taking care of oneself in thought, word and deed. To be slow to react, to be kind in words and deliberate in actions. 

It’s such a liberating feeling to be; immune to criticism, beneath or above no one and to fear nothing. 

Yet I still feel a deep yearning for my loved ones to give my life meaning and purpose and share in it. 

Right now I know that every one of us will have to sit alone in solitude in silence or in chaos to contemplate life, when the time comes. I pray it be better sooner than later, no matter what condition our lives are in. It is an irrefutable truth. One of life’s guaranteed path to enlightenment aka ending suffering. 

We are more in a state of fear than in a neutral state of mind, let alone being in a joyful state most of the time. When we sit in silent contemplation, we learn how to enjoy it coming full circle to be - 

- immune to criticism 

- beneath or above no one. 

- Fearless. 

And conduct oneself in a manner to be as wise as serpents and as gentle as doves holding loving compassion in our hearts for all beings. 

What a great way to live.

Thank you, 

With Love,

SL Peter Gan

Amen. 🙏🏽 

The Journey.

Every once in a long while, a voice silently creeps up and whispers loud in my heart with the journey that brings great respite to my journey. Walk on. 

 One day you finally knew

what you had to do, and began,

though the voices around you

kept shouting

their bad advice --

though the whole house

began to tremble

and you felt the old tug

at your ankles.

"Mend my life!"

each voice cried.

But you didn't stop.

You knew what you had to do,

though the wind pried

with its stiff fingers

at the very foundations,

though their melancholy

was terrible.

It was already late

enough, and a wild night,

and the road full of fallen

branches and stones.

But little by little,

as you left their voice behind,

the stars began to burn

through the sheets of clouds,

and there was a new voice

which you slowly

recognized as your own,

that kept you company

as you strode deeper and deeper

into the world,

determined to do

the only thing you could do --

determined to save

the only life that you could save.

 

 Mary Oliver

The Journey

1986

(Edited 15/6/24)

What this poem means to me?

It’s a near perfect description of the journey

I have traveled over the last five years. 

From the start to the present. 

I was caught in a vortex of cosmic proportions

that wrenched my insides outside. 

I have never felt so lost in my life.

I have been lost before but each time only momentarily.

Only because I always had my family to go home to.

I have had an abundance of physical and emotional

comforts all my life.

But not this time. It’s been five years and counting.  

I now know the meaning of pain, encompassing regret, longing,

missing, yearning, wishing, desiring and dreaming.

And I also know how to put all of them behind me except dreaming.

That is what I hang on to dearly, long inspired by this short poem;

“ Hold fast to dreams,

For if dreams die,

Life is a broken-winged bird

That cannot fly.”

~ Langston Hughes

My dreams have kept me sane as I descended the abyss.

I have blessed every pain and suffering I endured.

I am truly grateful to have walked this path. 

I realised that the person I need to love and forgive is myself.

Only then can I love and forgive others. Unconditionally. 

I am finally free. 

I do not ask for or expect love in return. 

I am in no need for external love or validation. 

I am whole. I have loved. I am loved. I am in love.

I am love. 

Like they say in Motown;

“...baby I can give you all the loving you need.”

May Your Journey Be Fulfilling. 

I love you. Jon's 33rd.

Dear Jon,

I have a confession to make. 

I had planned a reunion of sorts on your birthday because I was stumped about what to post for your 33rd. So an event or a meaningful meeting would definitely give me something to write about. 

On Monday I texted a certain someone whom I've not seen in a long time asking her to join me for a cup of coffee on Wednesday. It didn't happen. 

I also scheduled a much needed, long awaited dentist appointment late in the afternoon on Wednesday. 

That didn't happen either. My dentist had an emergency. 

So there I was at two minutes past two wondering what to do, seeing the futility in plans 'of mice & men.' My phone rang almost immediately. It was my dear techie friend AL asking if I wanted coffee. The universe works in mysterious ways I mused. Yes! I replied almost immediately. 

AL swung by in less than 20 minutes whisking me away to the deep recesses of Old Klang Road to a hipster coffee joint serving bagels with cream cheese and spicy potato wedges washed down with gula melaka latte. We sat in the small converted link house enjoying the fare while young local Chinese baristas hustle about the cafe in their oversized t-shirts tucked into tight high-waisted jeans. They seem to be doing fine especially the resident cat. After a healthy dose of single origin African coffee and conversation we left for another new coffee joint in Sect. 14 PJ but it was closed. 

Cafe' Cat by PineForest

So we went to a nearby cafe restaurant owned and run by a friend named Jonathan. Having visited him several times before I could see he wasn't his usual self. He looked depressed, and troubled by business woes. Ever since the post-covid recovery phase, Jon has been struggling to make a living to support his young family and in the past few months business has gotten worse at his cafe at Jaya Shopping Center. 
I tried the standard blanket statement of 'all of us are also suffering bro' but I didn't think he bought it. 

In fact he confessed that in the mornings before he opens his restaurant, he'd sit in the dark pondering the fate of his business, and that of his family, driving him to the brink of a breakdown. 

Here is a man who has had the courage to strike out to practice his craft of creative cooking but circumstances seem too overwhelming to endure. It seems that he was beginning to entertain all thoughts of abandonment and resignation in search of employment. 

I have often wondered how people in business are coping with the post-pandemic fallout. Now I am getting the answers as if in search of stories to mirror my own. The only difference is that I don't have the yoke of a young family to weigh me down or spur me on. Either way, suffer we must. 

Ponder, reflect, contemplate day and night in solitude we must, until we come face to face with our predicament. And maybe if we are patient enough, we will find the answers we seek in ourselves. 

We sat with Jon a long while, listening to his plans pre and post-covid and as he talked us through, it seemed he had a couple of viable options available for him to decide his next steps. We left him feeling and looking much more cheerful than we found him even though he refused to join us for dinner at the newly opened Chinese Muslim Mee Tarek and Mee Hiris Restaurant downstairs. 

So looking at what has unfolded today, if I were to have a man to man talk with Jon the cafe owner, I wouldn't know how to tell him what I think he needed to know in a way he'd understand because it would tantamount to preaching and enter the realm of meta physics. 

Hence I just sat there listening and holding space for that young man to vent. 

However, if it was you Jonathan, my son in a similar situation, I would probably say these to you;

1. Survival is not a problem. Live.

As long as we are willing to adapt, we can survive under any condition. 

If we are used to eating five meals a day, cut it down to two. This will reveal our eating habits are just that - habits we have gotten used to unnecessarily over feed our bodies even though we are not hungry. Our body will thank us for not over burdening the system. 

2. The mind is and always will be our enemy. Be mindful.

Most problems only exist in our minds. We just have to remind ourselves that every problem has a solution as long as we are willing to face them. When we do that we begin to see that things aren't as bad as we imagined. But the mind's primary job is to think and even overthink incessantly. Our job is to control the mind and use it to serve us and not the other way around. To do that, we have to be mindful. To focus on our breath that will bring us to the present moment. To stay in the present is to focus on everyone and everything around us because this is the only reality that exist, right now. So by constantly being here now, will silence the mind and lessen the endless chatter. 

3. Fear does not exist. Live exuberantly. 

When we're fully present, we begin to realise that fear has no place to dwell in our being. Fear is what we encounter when we lose unity with the present moment. Our mind then dwells in the past or gets anxious about the future. 

4. Everything is temporary, ephemeral, transitional. 

All that is subject to arising is subject to ceasing. the Buddha said. That is a universal, scientific truth. 

No matter what we are going through, whether it be a joyous situation or a negative one, it will pass. 

After the winter, comes spring. It's only natural hence irrefutable. 

And sure enough the sun will come shining through. 

If it's not shining yet, keep going, singing in the rain, soon there will be laughter in the rain or sunshine. 

Well Jon, this is your post. The message is that I see you, us in every young man especially the ones named Jonathan. Just like you he's talented and hardworking. And I know just like you, he'll be fine.

 

Happy 33rd Dude.

P/s. I've chosen a song by my childhood crush for your birthday soire'. She's a Hawaiian hottie.  

I love you. Asshole.

New Year Resolutions.

New Year resolutions are like mistletoe, they only appear at the end of the year and disappear again at year's end.

If I were to make a New Year's resolution, I would just make this one. Every year. 

 

Photo by Andre Hunter on Unsplash

How Not to be an Asshole. (DBAA)

Being an asshole is like being stupid. People can see you but you can’t. 

Believe me I know, I've been there. 

Truth hurts. The more it hurts the better you’ll become. 

Here’s my 10. 

1. When was the last time you smiled? Genuinely?  Now Smile please. 

2. Look people in the eye. And smile. 

3. Say 'please' and 'thank you' always.  And smile. 

4. Don’t be late for anything. 

5. Especially if you’re meeting your Mother/Granny or your Grab ride. These people are important. One gave you life, the other support life for his family. For all of them time is short. 

6. Be nice to the waiter and everyone in the service industry. Give genuine tips when appropriate.  *compliments are also tips. 

7. Say Yes to everything. For once. See how it feels. 

8. Listen to music. Really listen. Feel it. 

9. Stop joking. Really. Stop yourself and pay attention to everyone and everything around you. See how it feels. Really feel. Nice isn’t it? 

10. Tell your mother, your wife, your daughter, your son, your father, your husband “I love you” at least once a day. 

You never know when you will see them again. 

I love you. Live. For A Happy Happy New Year.

I love you. Sprezzatura.

Fancy a Sprezzatura?

Photo by Giuseppe Mondì on Unsplash

Words descend into our conscious space everyday. Some descend like the gentle breeze, some descend like a hammer. This word landed like a crown of thorns. 

She descended like a sunset over the Tuscan horizon catching me holding a glass of red wine in one hand enjoying the vista alone.

Intoxicating, refreshing, exuberantly liberating in every sense. The wine glass is full. 

I am in… a state called; 

Sprezzatura 

Which means…Effortless Grace. Studied carelessness. Studied nonchalance. Careless grace. Nonchalance. Organised chaos. 

This word struck me like very few words have. 

The word was uttered in total abandon by signora Olivia under the Tuscan evening sky over a hill on top of an olive grove overlooking the valley below.

The truth never sounded so good. Because it is immediately felt. 

Once you understand what those beautiful letters spell- S P R E Z Z A T U R A you will never ever be able to describe the feeling. You just understand and that is enough. 

Like all other words depicting ETERNAL TRUTHS, this word sits right up there with LOVE, NOW, MEDITATE, EARTH, WATER, AIR, FIRE, SPACE, NATURE, CONSCIOUSNESS.

They all ring true to my very core. Undeniably. Irrefutably. 

Words are vibrations and they come in waves. This one comes, cocoons and envelops me like a light woollen blanket with its unique prickliness. There is a certain chill in the air. 

Perhaps because it comes with the truth that to live life one has to let go of life. It brings with it an exuberance that almost chokes. At the same time it uplifts one’s spirit freeing oneself from all the fetters of guilt and despair. And the need for control.

Once understood, we begin to see that life is to be lived with a certain carelessness. 

Caring less for desired outcomes but accepting whatever comes as a result. No matter how industrious, well prepared, well planned or painful diligence poured into any pursuit, the outcome is yet uncertain. The result of one’s ventures seldom, if never, turn out exactly as planned. 

Sometimes, in fact most times, they turn out better than planned but one is too blinded with expectations that one misses the better result staring at one’s face. Perhaps it is because one only has one yardstick for the measurement of success. A dogged determination of gain, conquest, ownership and possession. Self-service as an end to all pursuits. Forgetting the bigger picture of who and what was gained, what was experienced and who we have become as a result of the strife. 

Only when one can adopt an attitude of 'careless grace' can one begin to fully appreciate life, enjoy the journey, choose whatever shows up and one will never be disappointed. 

The life that we live is truly 'organised chaos' because nothing is certain. 

When nothing is certain, anything is possible. 

All one has to do is pay attention.  

I love you. Now

 The three-letter word. And the three-word sentence.

Photo by Aleksey Oryshchenko on Unsplash

 

Probably the most important word and sentence in Life. 

Now and Be Here Now. 

Now you are reading this. It is only ever NOW that you are doing anything. 

So why not Be Here Now? 

Think about that. Now. 

I Love You. Jon @32

 The Four Agreements.

This came to me early this morning at 5.30 am to be exact.

This book on personal growth based on ancient Toltec wisdom, written by Don Miguel Ruiz was published in 1997. 

It was on my list of spiritual or self-help books since 1999 when my journey into self began. I have acquired many books since but this one somehow eluded me. Until this morning when I awoke in bed, giving thanks for being able to wake and feel my limbs intact and mobile. It came in the form of an audio book so I promptly dived into it and barely into the first chapter, I found it warranted my full attention. So I got out of bed, went into the living room, sat in my reading chair and braced myself for over an hour of pure truths.

It has often been said that, the book finds you and not the other way around. I couldn't agree more and I am revelling in that saying. Better late than never. what's even better, this came at the crack of dawn on your birthday Jon.

In the days leading up to this one, one gets to ponder on exquisite questions like; what topics of discussion would we be indulging in? Or what advise would we be inspiring each other with?

Well, I need to ponder no more. The answers came to me fast and hard at the dawn of today.

As a reminder to self, here's a quick summary of the gift of The Four Agreements;

The backdrop is about limiting beliefs that we all have been "domesticated" since childhood that robs us of joy and create needless suffering.

To break the centuries old conditioning, we can practice three skills to free ourselves against  'domestication' 

1. Awareness- Practice meditation and mindfulness.

2. Forgiveness- Awareness brings forgiveness

3. Action- From forgiveness we will receive the strength to act.

Then to break all our previous self-limiting agreements, start these new Four Agreements and completely change our lives:

First : "Be Impeccable with your word."

Say only the truth and only what you mean. first to yourself and to others.

Second: "Don't take anything personally."

Understand that others words are the product of their own domesticated lives.

Third: "Don't make assumptions"

Be brave to ask questions.

Fourth: " Always do your best"

Your best will change from moment to moment.

Come to think of it, you are the embodiment of the Four Agreements above, don't you think?

I am enjoying the present, moment to moment. 

Thank you Jon. Happy Birthday.

Au Revoir.

I love you. A Spiritual Vision.

 What is a Spiritual Vision?

Photo by Tom Gainor on Unsplash

Sounds really deep doesn't it? Sounds like you'd have to shave your head, retreat into a cave deep in the mountains, sit and contemplate your life, doesn't it?

Well not quite. 

Thanks to Preethaji & Krishnaji, founders of O&O Academy, it simply means deciding which inner state to operate from. But before we decide which inner state to be constantly in, the question of WHY arises. Why do we have to decide on a spiritual vision?

Because, in our brain, there are 100 billion neurons, a trillion support cells called neuroglia and at least 100 trillion neural connections. Our thoughts and emotions are like electrical impulses moving at incredible speeds between neurons. 

According to Jennifer Hawthorne, bestselling co-author of Chicken Soup for the Woman's Soul, human beings have 12,000 to 60,000 thoughts per day, and the majority of them are repetitive. 

And a shocking 80 percent of our ordinary mental chatter are negative. Which means most people on average live 80 percent of their time in a suffering state unconsciously, and 20 percent of the time in a beautiful state.

To truly come alive, we must reverse the ratio. Gradually the 20 percent must become 40 percent, 60 percent, 80 percent or more living in a beautiful state. Imagine how beautiful life would be.

So A Spiritual Vision is not a goal to reach. It is simply this; 

It refers to the very state you choose to live in as you go about reaching your goals. It is, in fact, the mother of all visions.

Let's say you have a vision of being a leader, a partner, parent, or a CEO. Those are roles. 

They're all about doing. What about your inner state every day? 

Would you be ok with fulfilling the role of a leader, partner, parent, CEO in a state of confusion, frustration or guilt?

Or would you like to fulfill these roles while living in a beautiful state of connection and clarity? 

Imagine a happy parent? A fulfilled partner, or A grateful CEO?  

So I think the most important decision we can ever hold on to is this;

From which state do we want to live every day of our lives? From which state do we want to create our destiny?

There are only two states of being- A beautiful state or A suffering state. You get to choose.

I love you. Departures.

 Flight.

There are those whose wings

Learn to catch the winds

Before the rest of us.

Their world opens, vast

They soar, so fast.

(Too fast?)

And are gone, free forever.

We say "See you there"

(with a hint of despair)

For alone, we know not how.

We yearn to take flight

But we know, to earn the right

Would be to leap without fear.

Now is not our time.

For that glory so sublime

A thousand miles 

and years remain.

Let us think of the skies

And with hope in our eyes

Slowly, surely, learn to fly.

    Fifteen years have flown by, since your departure from this world. Still not a day goes by   that you are not with us. What joy you bring in your presence and in your absence.                   

             For it is in knowing and having you in our lives that make this life a lot more worthwhile and more worth living. So; Here's to living and dying and dying and living. 

            After all; Departures are Arrivals as Endings are Beginnings. See you there. Son.

 

 

 

I love you. The Invitation #4

 The Sorrow.

This chapter begins with;

"EVERY LIFE HAS PAIN AND SORROW in it. It is part of being human.

"...All the while, deep inside, I know what I have always known: that the knowledge will never be enough.

 

This is the secret we keep from ourselves. And the moment it is revealed, we become aware of a need for something else: for the wisdom to live with what we do not know, what we cannot control, what is painful -  and still choose life. Wisdom is often born in the shadows, frequently more visible in the darkness than the light.

 

...We must move into darker places if we are to find the wisdom we so desperately need. We rarely go there willingly, though every life contain its own cycles of grief and celebration. To meet wisdom in these dark places we must be willing and able to hold all of what life gives us, to exclude nothing of ourselves or the world, to tell ourselves the truth. Wisdom will stretch us far beyond where we thought we could or wanted to go. She will show us what we cannot change or control, reveal what is hard to know about ourselves and the world, and tear at the illusions of what we think we know, until we are surrounded by the vastness of the mystery. And all the while, wisdom asks us to choose life. She does not want us to just continue, to hang on, to survive. She asks us to experience life actively, fully, every day - to show up for all of it. 

*At this point, a reprise of a phrase of the poem is in order...

       It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon.

          I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, 

                 if you have been opened by life's betrayals 

          or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain. 

                    I want to know if you can sit with pain, 

           mine or your own,

                    without moving to hide it

           or fade it

                    or fix it.

 

~ Oriah Mountain Dreamer "

 

I love you. The Invitation #2

 The Longing.

"It doesn't interest me what you do for a living.

 

I want to know what you ache for,

 

and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing."

         

Chapter two details the heart's longing. The crux of love has always been about deep longings. 

For it is the longing that transcend the physical, the mental into the spiritual realm. 

It is Love Longing for Itself.

"And if  we are to be lovers for the first time or again, after many times, let the lovemaking be filled with shyness and discovery the way it was, or could have been, when we were sixteen: today a kiss that lingers, a touch on the back of my neck that I can feel for hours: tomorrow a light caress across my breast that makes my breath catch. I want to savour each discovery of touch as the infinite unfolding of the other. I want to slow it all down, to wander around wet, aching for what is to come next, so I will know when I have been fully entered, whether by your body, your story, or just simply the moment that passes between us."

        - Oriah Mountain Dreamer

 

 

I love you. The Invitation.

Accepting the Invitation. 

A privilege to start the book, perhaps I shall document excerpts to further internalise my understanding and learning.

The first chapter has many gems and anecdotes. This one paragraph deserves keeping;

"There are a thousand ways to love other people and the world- with our touch, our words, our silences, our work, our presence. I want to love well. This is my hunger. I want to make love to the world by the way I live in it, by the way I am with myself and others every day. So I seek to increase my ability to be with the truth in each moment, to be with what I know, the sweet and the bitter. I want to stay aware of the vastness of what I do not know. This is what brings me to the journey, I do not want to live any other way..."

        ~ Oriah Mountain Dreamer

 

There is much truth, humility and hunger packed into one single paragraph.

I love you. There is no meaning to life.

What Is The Meaning of Life?

Photo by Ali Gündoğdu on Unsplash

Have you ever pondered this question?

Life has no meaning. The more we think about it the more life has no meaning at all.

There is nothing to do. Nothing to chase. nothing to achieve, nothing to die for if we don't give it any meaning.

Life has no meaning unless we assign it one or two or several. It's all up to us to define our life.

Life has meaning when I can forget myself, to do something to further a cause, or to love another to be more human. 

It starts with being attentive and inclusive to everything and everyone around us. Acknowledging the news vendor, the cleaner, the cashier, a word of hope to a friend who feels down, basically anyone we encounter in our daily life. Helping someone get in better shape, being a good parent, partner, friend, mentoring a child, spending time with the young or the aged. All these give us a purpose to live and they are all grounded in love to have meaning.

Maybe we will find something we are willing to die for, and then we need to live for it.

 

I love you. Success #3

 The Definition of a Successful Life. Now.

Image by PineForest

There is no need to wait until a ripe old age to assess if you have lived a successful life. You can do it now.

Ultimately life as we know it, boils down to three simple questions. 

Just answer these three questions with as much clarity as possible.

1. Where do I live?

 

2.  Who am I with?

       3.  What am I doing?

 

 Today we examine the third and probably the most important question.

"What am I doing?" is the most important because we are not what we say. We are what we do.

Having a job is the least important in this equation. You are not your job. Just like you are not your possessions or your intellect. These are merely accumulations of things or impressions you have acquired during your time here. They may be yours but they're not You. 

So, what are you doing? Refers to what are you doing with this life throbbing within you. And around you.

There are two parts in this. Within and Without.

Within you deals with what is happening inside you. Are you in a state of bliss? 

Are you living a life unsullied by memory or unnecessary thoughts that hijack your attention to a faraway place in the past or a non-event in the future?

Are you constantly present in the moment now? Are you living your life as it presents itself to you right NOW? Or are are you busy planning for the future right now? Or worse, suffering a past event?

Remember, the future is actually arriving in successions of the moment now.

So how do you know if you're living in the moment now? 

This brings us to the second part- Without.

Are you paying attention to everything around you with ALL of your sense perceptions?

• Do you hear the bird song in the distant trees? 

• Can you feel the morning breeze caressing the softness of your cheeks? 

• Do you notice the brilliant & ever changing hues of the evening sky? 

• Can you detect the subtle yet intoxicating fragrances nature exudes during the seasons? 

• Have you tasted the thick air on a moonlit night?

In short, Are you noticing in great detail the place where you live?

• Do you notice if she or he is happy, or sad? 

• Or whether your significant other is in need of a sympathetic ear or a strong shoulder?

In short, Are you paying close attention to the person you are with? 

So it doesn't really matter where you are or who you are with. What really matters is;

What are you doing?

If you think about it, what we should be doing is to be fully present to whatever is presented to us in the moment now. 

When we are able to do that, then the first two questions can only be truly meaningful.

Here's to a Successful Life. Now.

I love you. Success #1

 The definition of a successful life. Now.

Image by PineForest

There is no need to wait until a ripe old age to assess if you have lived a successful life. You can do it now.

Ultimately life as we know it, boils down to three simple questions. 

Just answer these three questions with as much clarity as possible.

1. Where do I live?

2. Who am I with?

3. What am I doing?

These are the notes to guide you in the assessment;

Today we deal with the first.

Question 1 simply covers all aspects from where, to what sort of conditions, to how close to your dream abode are you living in.

This is the most important question because; Where I live determines where I am now. 

Right now is where life happens. The place, the conditions and how close to my dream abode all must contribute to my wellbeing, no matter how humble. Or opulent. 

It doesn't matter whether I own the place I live in. 

The key is my physical, mental, emotional and spiritual well being.

I may live in the slums yet I am happy. Likewise I may live in the swankiest neighbourhood in a palatial mansion but I may not be happy. 

This is how I benchmark my success against "Where I live?" 

- Is safety a tried and tested feature? 

We are responsible for our own safety- external & internal 

- Do my surroundings contribute to my overall peace of mind? 

Do the premises allow for physical activities, to move around to exercise. 

To be close enough to the community to not have to intrude and be intruded upon?

- Is the space within the walls conducive to my wellbeing?  

Can I conduct my personal pursuits and daily rituals in total silence and in absolute privacy? 

Can I play my music anytime. And loud? 

- Am I close to nature and space? 

Being from nature we need to connect with the source and free ourselves from time to time. 

Where do you live?

I love you. Yesterday, today and tomorrow.

I chanced upon a rare gem as I randomly browsed through 'The Essential Gibran' hardback. The only one remaining in my bookshelf of the two copies I purchased from The Strand book store in NYC.

This piece hit me hard in the silence of the night as I read it aloud. 

So hard that I refuse to let it lay idle, lost in the pages of the hardback tucked away in a bookshelf. 

I would prefer it laid out in a post exposed to my little world in my meditations. 

And if only one person were to read and enjoy the sublime beauty it represents, I would be truly happy.

 Yesterday, today and tomorrow. ~ Khalil Gibran

I said to my friend,

    'See her leaning over his arm?

    Yesterday she leaned over my arm'.

And he said:

    'Tomorrow she will lean over mine'.

And I said:

    'See her sitting at his side;

    And yesterday she sat at my side'.

And he said:

    'Tomorrow she will sit at mine'.

And I said,

    'Don't you see her drinking from his cup?

    And yesterday she sipped from mine'.

And he said:

    'Tomorrow she will drink from mine'.

And I said,

    'Look how she glances at him with eyes full of love!

    And with just such love, yesterday she glanced at me'.

And he said:

    'Tomorrow she will glance at me likewise'.

And I said,

    'Listen to her whispering songs of love in his ears.

    And yesterday she whispered the same songs in mine'.

And he said:

    'Tomorrow she will whisper them in mine'.

And I said,

    'Look at her embracing him, and yesterday she embraced me'.

And he said:

    'Tomorrow she will lie in my arms'.

And I said, 

    'What a strange woman she is!!'

And he said:

    'She is Life'.

I love you. My Ai Wei Wei

Art or Artist...? Novel or Novella...?

Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash

He was stealing glances at me while queuing at a counter in the airport.

Our eyes met briefly but deliberately. Neither of us smiled.

I registered an interesting face. A dignified one. 

But a stranger nonetheless. I was in no need for men that weekend.

I escaped a litany of them to relax & enjoy myself in this quaint little town.

Coincidentally we shared a taxi to our hotel and was formally introduced to each other at the pre-wedding party.

We sat drinking beers, smoking cigarettes and talked. 

We shared stories of solo trekking in the Annapurna. We connected at the intellectual level that night.

The next two days we spent time exploring the town eating and drinking- in town, out of town, at the wedding reception, the dinner party, and the after party. 

I enjoyed seeing him and having him around. 

He's fun.

We had a great time as a group of friends celebrating our friend's wedding parties.

We met back in the city months later after he returned from his travels over the year-end holidays.

He surprised me with a present over a quiet dinner of pasta & wine in a fancy restaurant where we talked till late. We shared a common interest in books and authors. But I think we shared a deeper longing for spirituality. Both of us were searching. For life. For meaning. For fulfilment. 

Whatever it was, we certainly weren't going to find it that night.

We reluctantly parted as he had his work and family to go home to and I went home to be alone.

As I lay down to sleep that night, I decided that I like that guy. He's a gentleman and a thinker.

We kept in touch solely through each others' social media postings.

 

Months and years passed until I came back to the local scene. 

It has been an introspective year, I was restless. I was impatient. I felt like a caged tiger. 

It was depressing to take stock of my achievements to find that there seemed to be none.

So I ranted and raved my frustrations online. I was also bored.

He responded almost instantly. He asked if we could meet. 

I said maybe. He suggested dinner. I said maybe.

I was unsure. It's been so long. 

I hardly know him. We've only met a couple of times.

What if he was a serial killer? Worse, a human trafficker. 

So we texted offline. I got tired of texting so I called him.

I was so glad I did. He sounded so different. So different from the person I first met. 

If I had enjoyed him the first time, I think this is an even more enjoyable version.

He sounded so exuberant, so joyful. His voice was calm and reassuring. 

We spoke late into the night, at the end I agreed to meet him for dinner. Why not? I thought.

The date was set two week away. The wait was agonising. 

I just could not wait to see him. He had charmed me, way before he was due to meet me again.

It was a Thursday when I saw him again. He offered to pick me up from my place.

I gave him the general location but not my address for reasons if he was unstable.

He showed up on time and I jumped into his car. He looked every bit the gentleman I knew.

Looking more lean and tanned. Still as attractive.

He promised me dinner but first he insisted on pre-dinner cocktails at his place.

My heart skipped a beat. But I decided to go along with his plan.

Music was playing as I entered his simple but beautiful home.

I felt immediately at ease, at home and a feeling of calmness descended upon us.

We never left for dinner after that.

We sat and watched the sunset over cocktails. We switched to a bottle of rare vintage Rioja after sunset.

"It's a special occasion!" he said while breaking the cork of the 30 year old vintage. 

Decanted, the wine aged beautifully lingering long and strong on a palate of chocolate, dark berries, spices with sweetness of character. The latter trait also describes the man who was my host, 

He skilfully entertained me through the night, coaxing me to loosen more than my tongue.

I told my current story in great detail, then my past in even greater detail. He listened in silence.

I felt liberated to unload years of stories of my childhood to stories of relationships and affairs. 

I felt a sense of pride and relief in unburdening the load I had been carrying all these years. 

I felt uplifted. And I was intoxicated, in every sense of the word. The bottle was also empty.

I had never had sex in quite a long time. I simply never had the chance. I was in need mode.

And here was a charming as fuck (pun intended) individual who has loosened my tongue and now me.

Sensing my willingness, he stood and beckoned me across the patio. I relented.

He took my hand in his and drew me effortlessly close to his chest. 

My face looked up to his face and we kissed. Hard and hungry at first then gentle, soft and long.

We continue kissing as he gently edges me to his leather couch. By which time I am already stripped down to my underwear. He proceeds to kiss my face, my ears, my neck, my shoulders, my breasts. His lips were so soft and gentle. So wonderfully inquisitive.

He takes his time to explore my naked body. Licking sucking and kissing every part his hands and tongue could reach. At times it feels like he has more tongue than hands. He eventually descends to my belly, kissing and licking my tummy and belly button. Moving lower, he pause to gently remove my underwear then dives head-on into my centre. 

He ate me full and wholesome that night. Like I wanted him to, the first night I sat with him almost six years to the date. I have him finally having me. Sweet and long. Pure languid bliss.

We continued to talk, smoke, and drink and then made sweet love all night long. 

It was only at dawn that we could finally tear ourselves from each other to collapse into deep slumber. 

To be continued...

 

A Love Story. Or is it?

Someone asked for a story.

Photo by Echo Wang on Unsplash

I remember now. the story I often tell when I was younger to gauge the core of the people I'm with. 

This is a love story about a boy and a girl who lives on the other side of the mountain. 

There's always a love story about a boy and a girl. Isn't there?

Well here it goes;

Once upon a time... a boy and a girl fell in love but they each live on the other side of the mountain separated by a raging river. 

One day the boy sends the girl a message pleading for her to come see him as quickly as she can. 

She rushes out the minute she receives his message. 

It's morning but alas the raging storm the night before has rendered all forms of travel to the other side of the mountain impossible. Save for a boat that could ford the raging waters driven by this boatman. 

She rush to him and offers to double his fare. But all he asks of her to take her across is to ride in his boat without her clothes. 

She refuses at first but reluctantly obliges desiring to be with her lover, the boatman ferries her across unharmed. 

Upon reaching the other side naked, she makes her way to his house a distance away. On the way she runs into a priest. Thank god, please father give me a cloth, a blanket or a shawl to cover myself so that I may run to see my lover. 

The priest hiss vileness and casts her as the devil in temptation refusing to help her. She with no choice runs into the forest to hide her shame while  looking for his house. 

She runs into a woodcutter instead. The strong virile woodcutter thinking god has answered his prayers promptly has his way with her. And boy did he have his way with her. 

She all bloodied, muddied and naked managed to run the last lap all the way to his house. 

Her boyfriend looks at her with displeasure, disdain and disbelief to the extent that he disowns and discards her. 

Heart broken the girl runs the final lap back to the river and jumps to her death. 

Sad ain't it?  

Question: Now rank in the order of blame, in order of appearance; 

the boatman, 

the priest, 

the woodcutter, 

the boyfriend. 

Who is the one most to blame?  Who is second? Third? 

I will deal with each one of you if you care to participate in the ranking of blame, in the order of your response. 

You decide.

Stay tuned. Literally. 

I love you. Feel More, Think Less.

Thoughts Vs. Feelings. 

Photo by Laura Chouette on Unsplash

At times one would think that it is impossible to stop thinking. 

We have been so used to be told what to do and what to think, that it's even unthinkable to not think!

But in the off chance when we are not thinking, we slip into a state of feeling.  

Feeling is not thinking as it doesn't happen in the mind.

It happens in all of our being- our sense perceptions. 

Thinking cannot define feelings because feelings are not conclusive. 

Feelings are fleeting, feelings are to be fully experienced in the moment. 

That feeling need not and cannot be described. 

All the mind can comprehend is that it is a 'nice' feeling.

Let's take love. How does the mind define love? It cannot.

That is why there are so many different definitions of love coming from just one person.

And no one ever said that love is evil.

Love is all there is.

Connect with love through your feelings.

Here's how to differentiate the two;

Thoughts.

1. It seeks self aggrandisement.

2. It's a past event. 

3. It's a future event. 

4. It makes you feel anxious. 

5. It makes you feel regret.

6. It makes you angry. 

Feelings. 

1. Connected to everything & everyone in the present. 

2. No resistance to what is. 

3. Seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting and touching everything as they are. With no judgement. 

4. Paying attention to my interior (my body, inner space,) as well as the exterior. 

5. It makes me happy.

I love you. Wherever I live.

 Where I live now at the farm. Our ancestral home.

I have the pleasure of spending my resting days and nights in a pair of a 100-year old concrete shophouses with wooden floorboards, staircases, partitions and ceilings. This is our ancestral home, built by grandfather Mr. Gan Swee in 1919 by Chettiar craftsmen from India. 

The two adjoining shophouses have broad concrete five-foot ways supported by large pillars that are as old as the building.

We walk into the main one through the wooden door frame holding the tall heavy wooden doors at the main entrance , one of which is about to come apart, to the main reception hall. This space houses the antique mother of pearl furniture that line the walls of the main hall fronted by the family altar of solid dark rosewood carvings sitting high on the front wall separating the inner living ground floor quarters from the immediate courtyard. The wall is dominated by a large scrolled paper painting of Guan Kong, the god of war. At the far end of the wall, there's even a small window that opens out to the inner courtyard which has been neglected. Apart from this and the leaks everything else in the house stands solid. 

The unusually high ceiling, mosaic tiled flooring, wooden door frames, inner courtyard and outer kitchen fresh water well accentuates this century old building. 

Upstairs is reached by very steep stairs situated in the middle of the house just after the courtyard. The upstairs landing area is the living area which is a vast hall as broad and wide as the width of the shop lot. The dining/work table occupies a quarter of the room at the far end from the staircase, lined by a 3-step-case of glass fronted shelves housing the alcohol, books, tobacco and work paraphernalia. The back extension of the living area leads to an ample kitchen that looks out through a window to the farm at the back of the house. It's a good vantage point for viewing people coming and going to/from the farm.

Back at the living area, a large window opens out to the inner courtyard below revealing a patch of sky that floods our living room with light- sunlight by day and moonlight at night. Here is where I spend most of my time working on my mac or resting & reflecting staring out the window at night. 

We now cross-over to the lot next door which we also own, through an arched doorway purpose built to connect the two lots upstairs and downstairs. Both doorways are identical. This brings us to the inner living quarters, the TV area, the cupboards space, the ante-bedroom for  the bedroom of the lady of the house- my step mother. She's the undisputed queen of the roost. She keeps house to very high standards. A seasoned veteran of 80 years she has told me stories of her life to make mine pale in comparison. The inner living quarters lead via a walkway over the open courtyard to the main sleeping area at the front of the shop house. There are three partitioned rooms on this upstairs on the front of the shop house next door. 

I occupy the right partitioned room with two french windows fronting the main road of the small town of Johol. Which means I get to hear the goings-on the main thoroughfare below. The modified motorcycles are most incessant, occasionally overwhelmed by huge tanker trucks that grind by like a storm.

A large queen sized wooden bed greets you at the entrance from the flimsy wooden door that cuts short the wooden walkway to the front window. Apart from the largish bed there's a low side table for my smokes & crystal glass, another low table front adjacent to the foot of the bed sits the table fan that works hard all night to air my testicles under my sarong. A white plastic permanent recliner is parked close to my bed. I lounge in it smoking and drinking while listening to music from my beautiful bluetooth speakers made in China, positioned at the foot of my bed. At the corner near the right french window, the ceiling had somewhat partly collapsed revealing a damp and dark attic that drips water from leaking tiles at the century old roof, down to a large basin laid on the floor near the front right corner of the shop lot. 

With the frequent rains this time of year, my room will receive drips and drops of raindrops to the basin and the floor boards. Drip, drop, drib, drab....! All day and all night. And I love it. Sometimes.

This is where I live. For now. 

Come sit with me or roll around the bed with me. I'm here most of the time if not, I'm probably with you. Giving you pleasures you never thought possible. 

Not necessary physically but emotionally and spiritually for sure. 

See you soon? Meanwhile...

Be happy wherever you are.

Stay tuned. Literally.