Asking Forgiveness or Permission?

Image:PineForestAI

Most of us, either live our quiet moments in regret or in remorse. 

For the things we did not do, or should have done and for the things we did or shouldn't have. 

For most actions in life, permission is rarely the true barrier. Courage is. 

The lack of courage to do anything has resulted in more feelings of regret than remorse. The lack of permission also stems from the lack of courage. 

At the end of the day, it's not about remorse or regret, it's simply about YOU having the temerity to live a life you choose.

Is it easier to ask for permission or forgiveness? 

Forgiveness of course. 

Action is within our control. Permission is not. 

Actions always carry consequences - this is the price of experience. 

It is in our actions that we only ever truly experience anything. Life is meant to be lived not only contemplated. I truly want to experience this life, therefore I’d rather live with 'seeking forgiveness than regret.'

After all asking for permission is just talk not action. 

Seeking forgiveness is for an act already committed. 

Actions speak louder than words. 

Words once spoken cannot be retrieved. Actions once executed cannot be undone. 

Which is worse? 

The only caveat is to be able to discern that:

Courage without wisdom becomes recklessness.

Permission without courage becomes paralysis.

The challenge is knowing when life demands one and when it demands the other.

People often condemn us for our actions. Permission or forgiveness is never guaranteed, yet we only live with regret alone. 

You can’t please everyone, might as well please yourself. 

The moment chooses you. 

Will you choose it?  

Sri Shan. Chandran. Gan.

3 Men Walked into A Chettinad Restaurant...

Image: SideChef.com

Three kindred spirits gathered ritual-like, over tea on a Saturday afternoon like time travellers exchanging ancient data of past encounters, feats and conquests, reminiscing their relevance in the present era. 

To be able to spend a hot, sweltering lazy afternoon drinking teh tarek and eating nasi lemak, an assortment of Indian tea time delights with two of my oldest ex-colleagues, and teammates, who remain friends of almost 50 years, huddled around a table of  the Annapurnam restaurant in Bangsar bitching about the state of sports in our nation, particularly hockey. Mainly because no higher authority exists in our beloved nation on the sport of hockey than in our present company. Yes. It is fundamentally boring. 

But the bonds that we cemented yet again, only serves to remind me how blessed we are to still have each other and to be still hale and hearty in our physical and verbal banters. Meister Ekhart called this; The Noble Man or The Edel Mench. Nobly humans are naturally constituted. The divine state can come by one's own grace. Instead of putting down nobles and aristocrats, he makes the peasants into nobles. Instead of putting down anyone, he elevates all. 

That is apparently the key to A Good Life - a book published by Harvard University that began human happiness studies from 1938 on what makes a good life. 

It reveals that good, warm relationships are the single most powerful predictor of lifelong happiness, health, and longevity.

As noble men, we already know, believe and live in that. That's why we keep making these exquisite encounters happen regularly, even that at best is too infrequent but there is no but. 

It is what it is. As we traverse this ephemeral life as one must, invariably alone, it helps make the journey a lot less tedious and a lot more joyful. Because everything is impermanent. Everything changes. Nothing lasts forever. 

Life is truly a DIY journey and no matter what, nobody gets out alive so take life a little lighter and live while still alive. 

Enjoy yourself then die laughing. 

I love you guys. 

Footnote: The tea-time treats were so delectable that the youngest one of us bagged more goodies for home. Talk about hale, hearty and hungry. 

The Secret of Life. Awareness of Death.

 The Awareness of Death is the Secret of Life. It’s the ultimate twist.

Photo by Ksenia Makagonova on Unsplash

Teacher death met up with us the minute we were born, and is by our side every moment of our life. What death has to teach us is direct and to the point. It is profound but intimate. Death is a full stop. It interrupts the delusions and habits of thought that entrap us in small-mindedness. It is an affront to ego.

Death is a fact. Our challenge is to figure out how to deal with it, because it is never a good plan to struggle against or deny reality. The more we struggle against death, the more resentment we have and the more we suffer. We take a painful situation and through our struggles add a whole new layer of pain to it.

We cannot avoid death, but we can change how we relate to it. We can take death as a teacher and see what we can learn from it.

By means of meditation and by developing an ongoing awareness of death, we can change our relationship with death and thereby change our relationship with life. We can see that death is not just something that pops up at the end of life, but is inseparably linked with our life moment to moment, from the beginning to the end.  We can see that death is not just a final teacher. It is available to teach us here and now.

When we contemplate in this way, our many schemes for getting around the reality of death, such as coming up with interpretations to make it more palatable, are exposed one by one and demolished. Death is the great interrupter, unreasonable and nonnegotiable. No amount of cleverness will make it otherwise.

Contemplating death is not an easy practice. It is not merely conceptual. It stirs things up. It evokes emotions of love, sorrow, fear, and longing. It brings up anger, disappointment, regret, and groundlessness. How tender it is to reflect on the many losses we have experienced and will experience in the future. How poignant it is to reflect on life’s fleeting quality.

You could say that death is your most intimate partner. It is with you all the time, completely interwoven into your daily activities. Since that is the case, wouldn’t it be worthwhile to make a relationship with it?

Contemplative practice challenges us to look deeply into our thoughts and beliefs, our fantasies and presumptions, and our hopes and fears. It challenges us to separate what we have been told from what we ourselves think and experience. We have all kinds of thoughts about what happens when we die and how we and others should relate with death, but through meditation we learn to recognize thoughts as thoughts. We learn not to mistake these thoughts and ideas about death for direct knowledge or experience. We learn not to believe everything we think or everything we have been told.

We can begin our exploration right where we are. We have already been born, we are alive, and we have not yet died. Now what? We might connect to our life in terms of a story or a history. For instance, we were born in such and such a time and place, we did this and that, and we have a particular label and identity. But that story is always changing and in process; it is not all that reliable. However, when our story is combined with a physical body, we seem to have something more solid, a complete package. We have something to hang onto and defend. We have something that can be taken away.

But what do we have to hang onto, really? Our story is not that solid. It is always being revised and rewritten. Likewise, our body is not one solid continuous thing. It too is always changing. If you look for the one body that is you, you cannot find it.

The closer you look, the less solid this whole thing seems. When we investigate our actual experience, here and now, moment by moment, we see how fleeting and dynamic it is. As soon as we notice a thought, feeling, or sensation, it has already happened. Poof! It is the same with the act of noticing. Poof! Gone! And the noticer, the one who is noticing, is nowhere to be found. Poof! When we contemplate in this way, we begin to suspect that this life is not all that solid—that we are not all that solid.

The more solidly we construct ourselves, and the more rigidly we identify with this construct, the more we have to defend and the more we have to fear. Looking at death in terms of such subtle underlying patterns may seem inconsequential, but it is not.

When we drop the battlefield approach—that life and death are enemies—we become open to an entirely new way of viewing things. Instead of this vs. that, us vs. them, something much more inspiring can take place. Experiences can arise freshly because they are immediately let go. Because they are dropped as soon as they arise, there is nothing to hold onto and nothing to lose.  There is no battlefield, no winner and loser, no good guy and bad guy.

Simple formless meditation is a very powerful tool for relaxing this pattern of holding and defending. Working with death through our awareness of momentary arisings and dissolvings is a profound practice. It shows us that the life–death boundary is an ongoing and quite ordinary experience, and that this unsettling meeting point colors all that we do. If we can become more grounded at this level, we can become more open to what death has to teach us altogether.

Although death is an ongoing reality, there are times when it hits us particularly hard. It may be when we have a health scare or a near accident. At such times, we really wake up to the presence of death, and its teachings come through loud and clear. The heart pounds, the senses are heightened, and we feel extra alive. There is a stillness, as though time had stopped.

Maintaining an awareness of death makes life more vivid. In the light of death, petty concerns fall away and our usual preoccupations become meaningless. It is as though clouds of dust that have covered over something shiny and vivid have been blown away, and we are left with something raw, immediate, and beautiful. We have insight into what matters and what does not.

Awareness of death—hearing its teaching—cuts through the subtle clinging at the core of our experience. It cuts through our self-clinging and our clinging to others. This may sound harsh, but all that clinging has not really helped us or anyone else. Our clinging to others may have the appearance of real caring, but it is based on fear and an attempt to freeze and control life. It is a way of tuning out death and pulling back from the intensity of life. But if we develop more ease with our own impermanence and struggles with death, we can be more understanding of others and their struggles. We can connect with one another with greater genuineness and warmth.

Death turns out to be the teacher who releases us from fear. It’s the teacher that opens our hearts to a more free-flowing love and appreciation for life and one another. When we get stuck in self-importance and earnestness, death steps in. When we get caught in self-pity, death steps in. When we become complacent and take things for granted, death steps in.

Death spurs us forward with a sense of urgency and puts our preoccupations in perspective. Death lightens our clinging and mocks our pretensions. 

Death wakes us up. It is our most reliable teacher and most constant companion.

~ Judy Leif

~  In Loving Memory of Brother JOHNNY GAN (10 Jan 1948 - 14 Jan 2026) ~ 

PY, JG, PG

One week after my brother was laid to rest, I decided to post a very well written piece on Life and Death by Judy Leif to accompany this 'eulogy' of sorts. 

I got to know of my step-brother from a very young age- 5 or 6 I believe. With an age gap of 10 years, we weren't exactly best of friends. In fact it was quite the opposite. He often saw me as a threat to his status of No. 1 son as I was the legitimate son born out of wedlock while he was legally adopted. There were times when I felt his anger and wrath in the thick of passion in hockey practice or playing childhood games. He would erupt in violent verbal threats warning me to beware or to watch-out. I felt his misplaced animosity as strange as I've often wondered how little old me could be a threat to my big brother. I had no interest in being No.1 son. So I took all of his occasional jibes lightly but I was always respectful except when I would secretly and silently 'borrow' his Yamaha 125cc motorcycle for fun runs in the countryside sans helmet or license. Although he knew what I was doing with his bike, he often turned a blind eye and let me have my fun. That was how I fell in love with motorcycle riding and big bike ownership to this day.

Johnny was a solidly competent field hockey fullback who played for school, district and state. He inspired all of us to play the sport as family tradition. I initially played the position of full-back because of him although later in my career, I moved up to play attacking half. I didn't have the bulk to be a mountain of a full back like him. I was to play quick and nimble roles in attack and defence and I thoroughly enjoyed it. 

"He took us butterfly hunting while we were barely knee-high to a grasshopper."

One other gift he gave to us was the beautiful exposure to nature in the rainforest and hills that surrounded our homes. He took us butterfly hunting while we were barely knee-high to a grasshopper. The jungle paths, streams and waterfalls that we traversed for hours were terrifying at first but became beautifully engrained in us as we grew up appreciating nature and her beauty. Although I never acquired the deft skill of catching many butterflies nor putting them to sleep with formaldehyde or pinning the beautiful specimens into beautiful glass-frames of various shapes and sizes for sale to collectors in the British expatriate community, I got to go on unforgettable jungle adventures. 

Johnny was also one of the most hard-working people I know. Both physically and mentally. 

Apart from his sportsmanship, he was a hardworking ace student in the Sciences. I remember the day he was refused an engineering place in UKM despite several attempts, he was heart-broken. 

He was a human dynamo when it came to performing household chores and climbing trees. He had several skills and methods devised to clear mountain loads of chores with ease. We of course struggled to keep up with chores of raking leaves, cutting grass, trimming the hedges or feeding the dogs and poultry. All of which were performed meticulously and diligently by my big brother. He never belittled or berated us for failing at anything he could do when we fell short. We were short compared to him in the first place. 

Perhaps the best memory I have of my big brother's role in my life was the fact that he stood by my family and I, when we were enduring a grievous period of caring for Jon when he fell ill. Johnny and his family were constantly present to lend us unconditional support. I remember clearly, one night when Jon was lying in bed with no improvement, our family was crestfallen watching our son helplessly wasting away and I was clearly buckling under the weight of worry and anguish with no hope in sight. I slipped away silently to the balcony to be alone with my grief. Johnny noticed and came out to comfort me. For the first time, that night I cried like a baby comforted by my brother, his hand on my shoulder. I never felt so understood and loved by my brother as I did then. 

As I stood over his casket on the first day of his wake, all the thoughts and feelings suddenly came flooding back and I bawled my eyes out in his presence once again. Once again he gave me permission to grieve. Deeply.

Thank you dear brother Johnny. I love you and I will miss you dearly.

Farewell for now.

A Love Letter to the Universe.

Dear Universe (replaceable with god, nature, the Sun, the Brahman, the Tao, the Spirit or You) 

Image by PineForest

Namaste 🙏🏽. You cruel, heartless, unforgiving, cold, ruthless, capricious vile bitch of an enormous entity, I have never enjoyed this ride more than I am enjoying the ride now. Right now. 

The ride that I gladly call my humble life- fully embracing my joys and sorrows and everything else in between.

Looking back, it seems like I have been living several lifetimes in just one lifetime. 

Through my own doing or undoing I have cast myself into a multiverse of sorts, meeting several different individuals and groups of people, cementing deep and meaningful relationships over the span of seven years thus far. Though I’d like to think that I was conscious and complicit in my actions leading to the family break up, and my solitary life, I can’t help but to instinctively feel that a larger entity was in play, to have ordered this chaos that has launched me on a wild trajectory of cosmic proportions. And that was when I met you the cosmos aka the universe and began to see myself minus the veil of thought, shrouded in pain and suffering.

What a sight to behold the great nothingness. The formless. Eternal consciousness. You and I are one. 

I am a scion of the universe. 

I am eternal as the universe is. I am consciousness. I am formless. I am the divine. 

As formless as my source, I am made manifest in the form of an earthly being fully equipped with six levels of sense perception to fully explore and experience this world. Of Maya. Karma and Anava. Illusion, action and ignorance. 

Ignorance truly is bliss. For in our ignorance in executing our actions, in a world of illusions, we are meant to explore & experience anything, knowing that we will always be taken care of. No matter the outcome, it always works out in our favour. 

A thought now pops into my head, relating to the medicinal herbs startup I founded and recently shared it with a guest- “May we never know what evils or ills that could have befallen us had we had our desires fulfilled.” On the back of that thought, I know the outcome in the present moment is always favourable. It is always what it is. No matter how joyful or painful it is, it will pass-  It is not I, not me, not myself. 

I never fully experienced the joy of being truly happy deep inside, since I chanted this mantra given to me at the start of my spiritual journey towards the end of the last century. … 

“ I am healthy, happy and enjoying every moment of my life, may all beings be blessed with good health, prosperity & spirituality. In full faith so be it.”

 Now I do. 

To put my lifelong quest into words; I now know that I have been seeking spiritual wisdom. Not just wisdom as expounded by the ancient Greeks but spiritual wisdom espoused by the Hindus. 

Buddhism, the more scientific methodology of contemplation, of mind and being, has its roots in the deep history of Hinduism. So while my left brain is intellectualised and grounded by the daily practice of Buddhism, my right brain takes flight on the myths, stories and ideologies of Hindu lores called Sanatana dhamma, a way of life aimed at living a civilised life. Which is a way of ‘being’ as opposed to chasing and doing. 

Although already aware of the being state, I have never fully immersed myself in being, until now. To be fully centered in ‘being’ most of my waking hours brings clarity to the quality of life. 

To be fully conscious and connected to everyone and everything around me yet detached. Mindful of first taking care of oneself in thought, word and deed. To be slow to react, to be impeccable in words and deliberate in actions. 

It’s such a liberating feeling to be; immune to criticism, beneath or above no one and to fear nothing. 

Yet I still feel a deep yearning for my loved ones to give my life meaning and purpose and share in it. 

Right now I know that every one of us will have to sit alone in solitude in silence or in chaos to contemplate life, when the time comes. I pray it be better sooner than later, no matter what condition our lives are in. It is an irrefutable truth. One of life’s guaranteed path to enlightenment aka ending suffering. 

We are more in a state of fear than in a neutral state of mind, let alone being in a joyful state most of the time. When we sit in silent contemplation, we learn how to enjoy it coming full circle to be - 

- immune to criticism 

- beneath or above no one. 

- Fearless. 

And conduct oneself in a manner; 'to be as wise as serpents and as gentle as doves' holding loving compassion in our hearts for all beings. 

What a great way to live.

Thank you, 

With Love,

SL Peter Gan

Amen. 🙏🏽 

The Idea of Love.

 Love or The Idea of Love.

" You know, it’s quite a job starting to love somebody. You have to have energy, generosity, blindness. There is even a moment, in the very beginning, when you have to jump across a precipice: if you think about it you don’t do it.”

— Jean-Paul Sartre 

Procrustes & Theseus

Whether we know it or not, Love or the idea of love has been brutalised, bastardised and misconceived at best. 

Whether it's through the well-intentioned but ill-conceived notion from our parents or the glorification and gross misrepresentation through the media, chiefly Hollywood, our innate sense of love has been culled, trimmed, shaped even castrated to fit the proverbial Bed of Procrustes. 

The fable of the evil Procrustes who ran an inn in the middle of nowhere, sat and entertained his guests with food and wine until they were satiated and drunk then he'd 'fit' them onto his iron bed by tying their limbs to the four corners of the bed and chopping them off if they were too long or stretching them out if too short. This gruesome scenario pretty much sums up how we were educated and how we educate our young on everything including love. 

The idea of love may have worked for some who have gone before us, but they would be the exception because overall results then and now are far from satisfactory seeing the increasing rates of separation, divorce and conflict amongst family. The root cause of all the pain and suffering is the idea of love preached from the onset, was one of a conditional or transactional kind. "I will love you only if you always make me happy.." or "I love you but you need to change your habits...”or better yet "I will love you if you obey me.." Most of us have seen or heard these words uttered in front of or behind the children.

When love becomes a transaction, it is commercialised, monetised, prostituted, and sold to the highest bidder. That's why some people wear their spouses like badges, as arm-candy and acquisitions who are willing (or unwilling) participants in this charade. Until...

When the music dies, the lights go down, the curtains fall, in the quiet moments we feel a sense of emptiness, dissatisfaction, dis-ease, even despair and doubt if the person we've ended up with, truly knows us or loves us. Or whether we truly know or love the person we've committed to spend a lifetime with? In short are we happy? The answer is perhaps no. Simply because if happiness is tied to another, to an external entity, how can anyone be happy? 

True happiness comes from within. Like love it starts from within. 

Loving oneself must precede loving anyone else. Even loving your parents is self love because without their care, we couldn't survive. That in part is why we came here alone, to go out into the big bad world alone, loving and taking care of oneself instead of relying on others. Taking care of oneself invariably leads to knowing oneself. 

When one is truly and fully acquainted with oneself, one is then fully and truly comfortable with oneself to be or live alone, even in solitude. There is no need for company for one discovers that one is better off alone than in unwanted company. One then is able to listen deeply within to discern between thoughts and feelings, joy and sorrow, pleasure and pain, success and failure, right and wrong and not be swept away by all these imposters. One learns to overcome the craving for another's company, for reciprocity, fear of rejection, social validation, because once self love is installed, self worth and independence is realised. 

Then the individual understands that to love another, one must first love oneself, then turn one's attention to the other. One begins to understand the other, listening to what is being said and observing everything that is happening in the other. In short to be fully present is to be fully engaged with the other. Only when one truly understands the other, can one fully appreciate the other and love unconditionally. 

~ A Declaration of Unconditional Love ~

I love you as you are and for who you are. 

I love you for all the pain you have suffered in this life or before, inflicted by others or by me. 

When I say I love you it means that I love you unconditionally with no conditions whatsoever. 

My love for you is purely that- my love for you, it requires not that you love me in return.  

My love for you doesn't require that you be with me always but I shall be with you for as long as you want me to, as long as I can.

I love you as I see and love myself in you. For there is no greater love than loving oneself. 

Unconditional love is the holy grail of love that frees us from the fetters than bind us to each other. 

Love is love, unconditional or otherwise, to love is to be free. 

Freedom of expression, of movement, of choice and freedom to love others. 

Procured only after deep understanding of self and the other, against the backdrop of this ephemeral world, we understand that it is the soul's purpose for liberation, to be free, not to be bound to anything or anyone. 

Because the self is only limited to a body and a mind made of this world, whereas the higher self transcends body and mind, seeks the oneness to return, from whence we came.  

 

" Fall in love with yourself, with life, and then with whomever you want." ~ Frida Kahlo. 

The Journey.

Every once in a long while, a voice silently creeps up and whispers loud in my heart with the journey that brings great respite to my journey. Walk on. 

 One day you finally knew

what you had to do, and began,

though the voices around you

kept shouting

their bad advice --

though the whole house

began to tremble

and you felt the old tug

at your ankles.

"Mend my life!"

each voice cried.

But you didn't stop.

You knew what you had to do,

though the wind pried

with its stiff fingers

at the very foundations,

though their melancholy

was terrible.

It was already late

enough, and a wild night,

and the road full of fallen

branches and stones.

But little by little,

as you left their voice behind,

the stars began to burn

through the sheets of clouds,

and there was a new voice

which you slowly

recognized as your own,

that kept you company

as you strode deeper and deeper

into the world,

determined to do

the only thing you could do --

determined to save

the only life that you could save.

 

 Mary Oliver

The Journey

1986

(Edited 15/6/24)

What this poem means to me?

It’s a near perfect description of the journey

I have traveled over the last five years. 

From the start to the present. 

I was caught in a vortex of cosmic proportions

that wrenched my insides outside. 

I have never felt so lost in my life.

I have been lost before but each time only momentarily.

Only because I always had my family to go home to.

I have had an abundance of physical and emotional

comforts all my life.

But not this time. It’s been five years and counting.  

I now know the meaning of pain, encompassing regret, longing,

missing, yearning, wishing, desiring and dreaming.

And I also know how to put all of them behind me except dreaming.

That is what I hang on to dearly, long inspired by this short poem;

“ Hold fast to dreams,

For if dreams die,

Life is a broken-winged bird

That cannot fly.”

~ Langston Hughes

My dreams have kept me sane as I descended the abyss.

I have blessed every pain and suffering I endured.

I am truly grateful to have walked this path. 

I realised that the person I need to love and forgive is myself.

Only then can I love and forgive others. Unconditionally. 

I am finally free. 

I do not ask for or expect love in return. 

I am in no need for external love or validation. 

I am whole. I have loved. I am loved. I am in love.

I am love. 

Like they say in Motown;

“...baby I can give you all the loving you need.”

May Your Journey Be Fulfilling. 

I love you. Jon's 33rd.

Dear Jon,

I have a confession to make. 

I had planned a reunion of sorts on your birthday because I was stumped about what to post for your 33rd. So an event or a meaningful meeting would definitely give me something to write about. 

On Monday I texted a certain someone whom I've not seen in a long time asking her to join me for a cup of coffee on Wednesday. It didn't happen. 

I also scheduled a much needed, long awaited dentist appointment late in the afternoon on Wednesday. 

That didn't happen either. My dentist had an emergency. 

So there I was at two minutes past two wondering what to do, seeing the futility in plans 'of mice & men.' My phone rang almost immediately. It was my dear techie friend AL asking if I wanted coffee. The universe works in mysterious ways I mused. Yes! I replied almost immediately. 

AL swung by in less than 20 minutes whisking me away to the deep recesses of Old Klang Road to a hipster coffee joint serving bagels with cream cheese and spicy potato wedges washed down with gula melaka latte. We sat in the small converted link house enjoying the fare while young local Chinese baristas hustle about the cafe in their oversized t-shirts tucked into tight high-waisted jeans. They seem to be doing fine especially the resident cat. After a healthy dose of single origin African coffee and conversation we left for another new coffee joint in Sect. 14 PJ but it was closed. 

Cafe' Cat by PineForest

So we went to a nearby cafe restaurant owned and run by a friend named Jonathan. Having visited him several times before I could see he wasn't his usual self. He looked depressed, and troubled by business woes. Ever since the post-covid recovery phase, Jon has been struggling to make a living to support his young family and in the past few months business has gotten worse at his cafe at Jaya Shopping Center. 
I tried the standard blanket statement of 'all of us are also suffering bro' but I didn't think he bought it. 

In fact he confessed that in the mornings before he opens his restaurant, he'd sit in the dark pondering the fate of his business, and that of his family, driving him to the brink of a breakdown. 

Here is a man who has had the courage to strike out to practice his craft of creative cooking but circumstances seem too overwhelming to endure. It seems that he was beginning to entertain all thoughts of abandonment and resignation in search of employment. 

I have often wondered how people in business are coping with the post-pandemic fallout. Now I am getting the answers as if in search of stories to mirror my own. The only difference is that I don't have the yoke of a young family to weigh me down or spur me on. Either way, suffer we must. 

Ponder, reflect, contemplate day and night in solitude we must, until we come face to face with our predicament. And maybe if we are patient enough, we will find the answers we seek in ourselves. 

We sat with Jon a long while, listening to his plans pre and post-covid and as he talked us through, it seemed he had a couple of viable options available for him to decide his next steps. We left him feeling and looking much more cheerful than we found him even though he refused to join us for dinner at the newly opened Chinese Muslim Mee Tarek and Mee Hiris Restaurant downstairs. 

So looking at what has unfolded today, if I were to have a man to man talk with Jon the cafe owner, I wouldn't know how to tell him what I think he needed to know in a way he'd understand because it would tantamount to preaching and enter the realm of meta physics. 

Hence I just sat there listening and holding space for that young man to vent. 

However, if it was you Jonathan, my son in a similar situation, I would probably say these to you;

1. Survival is not a problem. Live.

As long as we are willing to adapt, we can survive under any condition. 

If we are used to eating five meals a day, cut it down to two. This will reveal our eating habits are just that - habits we have gotten used to unnecessarily over feed our bodies even though we are not hungry. Our body will thank us for not over burdening the system. 

2. The mind is and always will be our enemy. Be mindful.

Most problems only exist in our minds. We just have to remind ourselves that every problem has a solution as long as we are willing to face them. When we do that we begin to see that things aren't as bad as we imagined. But the mind's primary job is to think and even overthink incessantly. Our job is to control the mind and use it to serve us and not the other way around. To do that, we have to be mindful. To focus on our breath that will bring us to the present moment. To stay in the present is to focus on everyone and everything around us because this is the only reality that exist, right now. So by constantly being here now, will silence the mind and lessen the endless chatter. 

3. Fear does not exist. Live exuberantly. 

When we're fully present, we begin to realise that fear has no place to dwell in our being. Fear is what we encounter when we lose unity with the present moment. Our mind then dwells in the past or gets anxious about the future. 

4. Everything is temporary, ephemeral, transitional. 

All that is subject to arising is subject to ceasing. the Buddha said. That is a universal, scientific truth. 

No matter what we are going through, whether it be a joyous situation or a negative one, it will pass. 

After the winter, comes spring. It's only natural hence irrefutable. 

And sure enough the sun will come shining through. 

If it's not shining yet, keep going, singing in the rain, soon there will be laughter in the rain or sunshine. 

Well Jon, this is your post. The message is that I see you, us in every young man especially the ones named Jonathan. Just like you he's talented and hardworking. And I know just like you, he'll be fine.

 

Happy 33rd Dude.

P/s. I've chosen a song by my childhood crush for your birthday soire'. She's a Hawaiian hottie.  

I love you. Rabindranath Tagore

The Bard of Bengal 

The first Asian and non-European to win the Nobel Prize in Literature in 1913, Rabindranath Tagore wrote poetry, lyrics, dance dramas, songs and stories since he was 8. By age 16, his first substantial work - The Songs of Bhanushingo Thakur was described as 'long lost classics' by literary authorities. 

In 1910 he wrote Gitanjali - Song Offerings in Bengali. 

The translated version was admired by WB Yeats and Ezra Pound. The former wrote a lengthy intro for his book. His fame grew as his works spread to the western world and he was awarded a knighthood by King George V in the 1915 Birthday Honours but Tagore renounced it after the Jallianwala Bagh Amritsar massacre in 1919.

Tagore with Gandhi

Featured here is a poem from the Gitanjali;

Unending Love

 “I seem to have loved you in numberless forms, numberless times.

In life after life, in age after age, forever.

My spellbound heart has made and remade the necklace of songs,

That you take as a gift, wear round your neck in your many forms,

In life after life, after age, forever.

Whenever I hear old chronicles of love, it's age old pain,

It's ancient tale of being apart or together.

As I stare on and on into the past, in the end you emerge,

Clad in the light of a pole-star, piercing the darkness of time.

You become an image of what is remembered forever.”

~ Ravindranath Tagore. 

I love you. ee cummings

 Depth & Death in One Sentence. A Poem.

l

(al

ea

fa

ll

s)

on

el

in

es

s.

l(a leaf falls)oneliness. 

The layout of ee cumming's shortest poem is presented as such. Vertically descending. 

Though the shortest poem, it probably evokes the most amount of discourse, discussions, dissections and definitions. 

Obsessed with using letters in lower case, including his name, ee cummings laid use of letters (and parenthesis's) putting them to great utility in the arrangement for optimum effect in serving the idea and the message/s intended.

What is the meaning of this one-sentenced poem? Best described as, a falling leaf interrupting the word loneliness after the first letter lowercase 'l'. To read l()oneliness

For me, it's a diss on the word 'loneliness' metamorphosing the word to 'oneliness' when we realise that a person's life, best represented by a single leaf that one day must fall to the ground. So to feel lonely is to miss the point that it is in our 'oneliness' or oneness with the all that completes the whole. 

We are never alone in this cosmos, we are always in oneness with it. 

And once we come to this realisation, we no longer wallow in loneliness but unite in 'Oneliness' with the cosmos.  

Loneliness comes when all our days are spent in self-centredness. 

The very activity of self-centredness produces loneliness.

It is narrowing the whole vast extraordinariness of life into one small 'me'.

Amen. 

I love you. Asshole.

New Year Resolutions.

New Year resolutions are like mistletoe, they only appear at the end of the year and disappear again at year's end.

If I were to make a New Year's resolution, I would just make this one. Every year. 

 

Photo by Andre Hunter on Unsplash

How Not to be an Asshole. (DBAA)

Being an asshole is like being stupid. People can see you but you can’t. 

Believe me I know, I've been there. 

Truth hurts. The more it hurts the better you’ll become. 

Here’s my 10. 

1. When was the last time you smiled? Genuinely?  Now Smile please. 

2. Look people in the eye. And smile. 

3. Say 'please' and 'thank you' always.  And smile. 

4. Don’t be late for anything. 

5. Especially if you’re meeting your Mother/Granny or your Grab ride. These people are important. One gave you life, the other support life for his family. For all of them time is short. 

6. Be nice to the waiter and everyone in the service industry. Give genuine tips when appropriate.  *compliments are also tips. 

7. Say Yes to everything. For once. See how it feels. 

8. Listen to music. Really listen. Feel it. 

9. Stop joking. Really. Stop yourself and pay attention to everyone and everything around you. See how it feels. Really feel. Nice isn’t it? 

10. Tell your mother, your wife, your daughter, your son, your father, your husband “I love you” at least once a day. 

You never know when you will see them again. 

I love you. Live. For A Happy Happy New Year.

I love you. Merry X'mas

 Mary's boy child Jesus Christ was born on Christmas Day.

It's the most wonderful time of the year. 

One can't help but to celebrate the holidays, nicely planned towards the end of the year leading to the start of a brand New Year. Signifying it's time to let go of the past and prepare to start anew. 

On this Merry and Happy note, I would like to share a Verse from the Tao Te Ching that compliments the season and coincides with the message of Christianity. 

It seems that Lao Tzu and Jesus share and preach the same gospel.

Photo by Gareth Harper on Unsplash

Tao Te Ching v.81

Faithful words may not be beautiful,

Beautiful words may not be faithful,

Those who love do not quarrel,

Those who quarrel do not love.

Those who know are not learned,

Those who are learned do not know.

The riches of the self-controlled person are in the Inner Life.

When one spends for others, one has more for oneself.

When one gives to others, one has much more for oneself.

Heavenly Tao blesses all and hurts no one.

The way of the self-controlled person is to act and not to fight.

*Translated by Isabella Mears

Merry Christmas One and All...

I love you. A Flower.

Of Impermanence and Unconditional Love.

Pix: PineForest

If you love a flower do not pluck it. 

Appreciate her beauty as it is. 

If you truly love the flower then you water it daily.

 

Even though you know you will never possess the flower 

That will eventually wither and die. 

Such is impermanence, such is life. 

When you love someone seek not to possess them. 

Instead nurture and help them grow into their natural beauty. 

Then constantly admire & enjoy that beauty for all eternity. 

This is unconditional love. 

I love you. December

 One Fine December Sunday morning.

Went to a dim sum brunch at The Ritz Carlton meeting up with A & B. 

I haven’t had a meal with B, a good friend in 16 years. With A, an ex-client, much longer. Foie gras dumplings were served with love at the table. The highlight was confirmation of a love secret never shared.

After brunch I floated from the Ritz, through StarHill onto StarHill Road mingling with the tourists, to the MRT Station leaving a trail of Stardust in my wake.

I boarded the northbound train sitting shoulder to shoulder with immigrant workers sharing a Sunday afternoon ride together in the cool comfort of the new coaches. Seven stops later I alighted at my destination descending among the locals in the upmarket suburb of KL at an evening market waking up to the night. I wandered around, stardust still in tow, as I picked up some coffee and a cup of strong long black brew while resting my legs in the shadow of a local artisan cafe- Shadow cafe* (English translation of a Malay name).  

Kueh Koci:Pineforest

Abu Abu- PineForest

Caffeinated and well rested, I walked away from the shadow with a bag of my favourite arabica blend from Gayo Mountain, tucked under my arm. I took to the streets again taking another route to ply the five-foot way of the rows of shops walking and meandering through the stalls of the evening market, picking up some local Kueh from very friendly local staff at one of the more serious authentic Malay restaurants fronting the main thoroughfare. I found what I was searching for- nuggets of Kueh Koci and a bonus Abu Abu, both precious as gold. I paid RM4.50 for three pieces of delicious nuggets. I paid in cash as well as compliments to the kakak who made the kueh and explained Abu Abu to me. Clutching my newly acquired treasures I then floated across the main road ducked under the pedestrian railing and ended up in Mr. DIY to find my ice lolly maker and quickly left to forage for food in Hero Mart. 

Bypassing the swanky Kenny Hills Bakery filled to the brim with the gentry drinking hipster coffee and eating overpriced bread, I slip into the speakeasy side entrance of the super mart to Manchu-purveyors of fine pork stuff. I spot good cuts and roast pork belly on sale. Made a note to return for pork belly cuts next time. Bought a big beautiful Nyonya dumpling wrapped in bamboo leaves. Another treasure to relish. 

Also spotted CNY goods already on sale alongside Xmas goodies which can simply mean that CNY will be soon after Xmas & New Year. Be prepared for jingle bells and prosperity drums playing in the air. 

It is the end of the year and soon the start of a new one.  It is indeed the most wonderful time of the year. 

Go on make it wonderful. We made it to December y’all!

Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and Gong Xi Fa Cai in advance. 

I love you. In Memoriam

Death Ends A Life But Not A Relationship

Here I would like to honour the people who are dear to me and have gone before me;

In Memoriam. September 2022. 

• Grandfather and Grandmothers (Ah Kong, Ah Mah, Sar Mah)

• Mother (Mama)

• Step-Mother (Abu)

• Father (Papa)

• Son (Jon)

• Father and Mother in law (Kung Kung and Po Po)

• Elder Sister (Ah Chi)

• Dato' Douglas Lee

• Queen Elizabeth II 

 

Coat of Arms of Queen Elizabeth II

The recent demise of the Queen at age 96 saw the end of an epoch, of the past. 

Her funeral became the most watched event in television history. 

Never was silence and stillness observed for such long drawn periods amongst the people present during the procession of the Queen's coffin whether drawn on a gun-carriage by young naval officers or by horsepower to Windsor.

As much as people understand that die we all must, and that in this case there is even cause for celebration, anyone living past the big nine-O deserves a standing ovation. But as the moments and days go by from her demise, there remains another kind of mourning. Perhaps not a mourning but a feeling of a sense of loss of more than just a monarch or an extraordinary human being but the loss of values -  propriety, family, dogs, horses, duty, honesty, simplicity, discipline, sacrifice, selflessness, leadership, understanding, womanhood and love. 

One could argue that she lacks the last value but she loves everyone equally, starting from the inner family circle, outer family, community, the government, and the nation including the commonwealth. She mustn't be seen to have favourites and she wasn't. 

Which was clearly demonstrated in the case of Princess Margaret, her dearest only baby sister. 

She and Margaret when very young, made a promise to their father King George VI to never let anything or anyone come between them. When Margaret wanted her permission to marry the love of her life; Group Captain Peter Townsend, who was a war hero commissioned to serve in the royal household when George VI was king, she wholeheartedly gave her approval but the church and the parliament disapproved even though then Prime Minister Winston Churchill, personally approved of "a lovely young royal lady married to a gallant young airman." 

His cabinet refused to approve the marriage and the Archbishop of Canterbury did not approve of Margaret marrying a divorced man. The whole affair caused a constitutional crisis. 

The Queen stood her ground helping Margaret navigate the crisis, she planned to amend the 1772 Act making a royal marriage requiring the Queen's permission, allowing Margaret to marry Peter by removing her and any children from the marriage from the line of succession and thus the Queen's permission would no longer be necessary. 

"Her Majesty would not wish to stand in the way of her sister's happiness." she wrote in a letter on the subject to the Commonwealth Prime Ministers. 

In the end, Margaret and Peter decided not to marry and issued a statement citing the Church's teachings and duty to the Commonwealth as reasons. 

The Queen and her sister Princess Margaret were as thick as thieves growing up with their father and mother King George VI and Queen Elizabeth Bowes-Lyon, who wasn't born fellow royalty. They were just the Duke and Duchess of York then with two daughters, Elizabeth and Margaret. The close family lived in 145 Piccadilly rather than one of the royal palaces. They had pretty much settled down to a normal quiet family life.

However that was not to be, when the heir apparent to King George V, King Edward VIII, abdicated the throne to marry Wallis Simpson, a twice divorced American woman. Reluctantly Prince Albert (Bertie) accepted the throne to become King George VI. Bertie went to see his mother Queen Mary, told her what had just happened and cried his eyes out, sobbing like a child. 

From that day onwards, the sisters Elizabeth's and Margaret's lives took a big turn. They in turn became heirs apparent to the throne of the United Kingdom. 

George VI although a good king, never expected or wished to be King. Although he suffered from a speech impediment, he never lacked bravery or enterprise and he had a strong sense of duty. He fought in WW1 and he was the first member of the royal family to learn to fly. He became King in December 1936. Shortly afterwards, WW2 descended on Britain. The royal couple and their family rose to the occasion and held the nation together by staying at their posts all through the blitz and showed love and care for their people. In addition, they coped brilliantly with the aftermath of the abdication restoring faith in the monarchy.

The post war years saw Britain undergoing economic hardship and the King's health took a heavy toll. He had been a heavy smoker and had his lung removed in 1951. He died in his sleep in the winter of 1952.

Princess Elizabeth and Prince Phillip was on the tour of the Commonwealth on behalf of the King. She was on the first leg of the tour in Kenya when she received news of the King's death. She immediately returned to Britain as Queen Elizabeth II. 

So, as subjects of the Commonwealth and therefore the Crown, one can't help but feel the loss of recent days. The events that unfolded and the implications that were felt makes one want to contemplate the legacy that the late Queen has left behind. 

For starters, for those of us, Malaysians or otherwise who were brought up on the English tongue, know that we have been speaking and writing the Queen's English. And if the comprehension and expression of your English far surpasses your own native language, then your mother tongue is English. 

I have often wondered what language would I be fluent in, had the British not colonised Malaya then?

Would I still be able to enjoy the news, writings, books, literature, entertainment, civilisation, culture, fashion, food, politics, racism, imperialism, and so forth, the way a British subject would or would the outcome be totally different?

I don't yet have the answers to that question but I daresay I can see, with the passing of this woman, that she was not only Queen of the United Kingdom or the Commonwealth but the entire civilised world. To put it in the words exchanged between, the Queen and Princess Margaret after her coronation which was telecast live on television to a worldwide audience, Margaret said to Lilibeth; "You are the most popular person in the world". Lilibeth replied; " and you are the luckiest."

Her popularity was, unlike that of famous politicians, movie stars, celebrities or even Jesus.

On the eve of her coronation day, she made a radio broadcast to the Commonwealth in which she pledged her devotion to its people saying;

"Throughout all my life and with all my heart I shall strive to be worthy of your trust."

Coronations have been held at Westminster Abbey for 900 years and The Coronation of Queen Elizabeth II was to follow suit. Her coronation was set on 2 June 1953, only sixteen years earlier she had watched her father King George VI crowned in the elaborate ceremony in 1937. Hers was setting records of its own. It was the first ever to be televised in colour, it was watched by 27 million people and heard on the radio by 11 million people in the UK and over 200 million people around the world.

The Archbishop of Canterbury conducted the service, a duty undertaken since 1066. The coronation service include the Anointing of the sovereign with Anointing oils before god in an abbey. 

Therefore the Queen is installed as the monarch who is answerable to God. 

That is indeed a divine calling. No doubt when the crown was placed on her head, its weight was more than just a jewel-encrusted headgear. It came with the trust, the hopes and dreams of millions of people that the Queen will rule fairly and justly with dignity. 

Looking back at the 70 years of reign, she has delivered on the oath she took when she was anointed, crowned and installed as Queen at 25 years of age.

What a feat it was for any human being to achieve. It would seem that only a woman could have achieved that as it has just been proven that no man has ever done in the civilised world.

Although she had her fair share of challenges, governmental- mainly with the executive, the occasional family crisis including Princess Margaret, Princess Diana, and Prince Andrew. During her reign violence was central to the empire as exploitation of the colonies throughout the world brings into question whether the British Empire was a force of good or one of violent subjugation and exploitation? That is a story for another day. 

For now, I would like to mourn the passing of a remarkable woman who kept her promises, who said what she meant and meant what she said and in so doing, exalted womankind, inspired women and men around the globe. She carried out her divine work with her very potent 'soft' power. 

And to celebrate her life while bidding farewell to the end of the epoch of the Elizabethan age.

Thank you. Rest in Peace Ma'am.

P/S; Do you know The Queen's nickname?

I love you. Now

 The three-letter word. And the three-word sentence.

Photo by Aleksey Oryshchenko on Unsplash

 

Probably the most important word and sentence in Life. 

Now and Be Here Now. 

Now you are reading this. It is only ever NOW that you are doing anything. 

So why not Be Here Now? 

Think about that. Now. 

I love you. Pool Garden

Photo: PineForest

 The Trees

They breathe oxygen into my lungs.
They shelter me from the sun and storms.
Parading all the hues of blue and green

for my eyes to rest upon as I gaze out at the ether.


The Water

She snuggles me in the bosom of her depths.

She makes me gurgle and gasp.

She takes my breath away, each time I suck in

the life surrounding me atop the water.

The Japanese Black Pines

They surround all four corners of the pool garden.

Each standing vigilant like samurai warriors standing guard,

strong and dignified in the sun and wind, day and night.

I Love You. Jon @32

 The Four Agreements.

This came to me early this morning at 5.30 am to be exact.

This book on personal growth based on ancient Toltec wisdom, written by Don Miguel Ruiz was published in 1997. 

It was on my list of spiritual or self-help books since 1999 when my journey into self began. I have acquired many books since but this one somehow eluded me. Until this morning when I awoke in bed, giving thanks for being able to wake and feel my limbs intact and mobile. It came in the form of an audio book so I promptly dived into it and barely into the first chapter, I found it warranted my full attention. So I got out of bed, went into the living room, sat in my reading chair and braced myself for over an hour of pure truths.

It has often been said that, the book finds you and not the other way around. I couldn't agree more and I am revelling in that saying. Better late than never. what's even better, this came at the crack of dawn on your birthday Jon.

In the days leading up to this one, one gets to ponder on exquisite questions like; what topics of discussion would we be indulging in? Or what advise would we be inspiring each other with?

Well, I need to ponder no more. The answers came to me fast and hard at the dawn of today.

As a reminder to self, here's a quick summary of the gift of The Four Agreements;

The backdrop is about limiting beliefs that we all have been "domesticated" since childhood that robs us of joy and create needless suffering.

To break the centuries old conditioning, we can practice three skills to free ourselves against  'domestication' 

1. Awareness- Practice meditation and mindfulness.

2. Forgiveness- Awareness brings forgiveness

3. Action- From forgiveness we will receive the strength to act.

Then to break all our previous self-limiting agreements, start these new Four Agreements and completely change our lives:

First : "Be Impeccable with your word."

Say only the truth and only what you mean. first to yourself and to others.

Second: "Don't take anything personally."

Understand that others words are the product of their own domesticated lives.

Third: "Don't make assumptions"

Be brave to ask questions.

Fourth: " Always do your best"

Your best will change from moment to moment.

Come to think of it, you are the embodiment of the Four Agreements above, don't you think?

I am enjoying the present, moment to moment. 

Thank you Jon. Happy Birthday.

Au Revoir.