I Love You. Zeno of Citium.

Stoicism.

I have fashioned my blog in the manner that Marcus Aurelius has penned his thoughts which he called his "Meditations."  I write in honour of the philosophy and ethics that guided our lives and is still guiding mine. 

The Stoics have been known to be seekers of happiness or blessedness a term they call "Eu~daimonia" derived from the greek language of Eu (good or well) and Daimon (spirit). This is attained by accepting the moment as it presents itself. 

Living in the moment or in the now.

Living fully in the moment simply means being fully present by not allowing oneself to be controlled by the desire for pleasure or by the fear of pain. Because both sensations only exist in the mind. 

Therefore, control the mind and you control the power of pleasure or pain. Otherwise it is the mind that controls us in meeting out pleasure or pain. 

It is also the practice of consciousness using one's mind to understand the world and to do one's part in nature's plan, and by working together and treating others fairly and justly. (Read kindness & compassion)

Perhaps the most evidently compelling case for Stoicism are two main principles;

1. It is not what a person SAYS but what he DOES that defines a person.

2. To live a good life, one had to understand the rules of the natural order since they thought everything was rooted in nature.

"Virtue consists in a will that is in agreement with Nature.This principle also applies to the realm of interpersonal relationships; "to be free from anger, envy, and jealousy, and to accept even slaves as "equals of other men, because all men alike are products of nature".


Here are more timeless Stoic principles that clearly reflect the rules of nature;

• Memento mori - Remember you will die. We all die. Sooner or later. We just don't know when. So remember to live. This life that we have been given is so fleeting.  For the conscious it is way too short. 

In a heartbeat or in one breath we can just disappear like the night at dawn. Or the day at dusk. 

• We will face challenges - Expect to meet people who are ignorant, arrogant, angry and fearful. Know that no one can hurt us. They're just ignorant. Just continue and Stay with breath. Overcome those challenges daily with consciousness of breath and...

• Daily ethical mindfulness - by paying attention. To everything.  Ethical dimension. Stay present. Stay with breath. Stay centered with kindness of heart.  Perform each action as though it were your last.  

• Amor fati - means Loving faith. Take a view from above. Transcend thoughts and emotions. Connect with your inner self often.  Give yourself advice from your inner being or higher self. 

• Meditate. To meditate is to spend time with yourself. Not your mind but your true self. When we get to spend time with our true self, only then can we begin to understand this life within us. This alone is enough to bring bliss into your life. Seek not anywhere else.

•  Daily evening journal - At day's end, Reflect on and write down;  What have I Done wrong. Condemn the action not the person. Question What did I do right?  What did I miss. 

• Kaizen - daily marginal improvements. Focus on just 1% improvement everyday. Small steps daily lead to huge long term benefits. This last one is more Japanese than Stoic but it fits.

Started as a philosophy of personal ethics in 3rd Century BC by Zeno of Citium in Athens, Stoicism lasted until the 3rd Century AD. It went into a decline when Christianity became the state religion of the Romans in 4th Century AD. 

Strong advocate of the stoics philosophy and ethics was the great Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius, and other Stoics like Seneca and Epictetus. Throughout history Stoic principles and thinking lived on and held true during the Renaissance period and in the contemporary era today. 

I love you. Yesterday, today and tomorrow.

I chanced upon a rare gem as I randomly browsed through 'The Essential Gibran' hardback. The only one remaining in my bookshelf of the two copies I purchased from The Strand book store in NYC.

This piece hit me hard in the silence of the night as I read it aloud. 

So hard that I refuse to let it lay idle, lost in the pages of the hardback tucked away in a bookshelf. 

I would prefer it laid out in a post exposed to my little world in my meditations. 

And if only one person were to read and enjoy the sublime beauty it represents, I would be truly happy.

 Yesterday, today and tomorrow. ~ Khalil Gibran

I said to my friend,

    'See her leaning over his arm?

    Yesterday she leaned over my arm'.

And he said:

    'Tomorrow she will lean over mine'.

And I said:

    'See her sitting at his side;

    And yesterday she sat at my side'.

And he said:

    'Tomorrow she will sit at mine'.

And I said,

    'Don't you see her drinking from his cup?

    And yesterday she sipped from mine'.

And he said:

    'Tomorrow she will drink from mine'.

And I said,

    'Look how she glances at him with eyes full of love!

    And with just such love, yesterday she glanced at me'.

And he said:

    'Tomorrow she will glance at me likewise'.

And I said,

    'Listen to her whispering songs of love in his ears.

    And yesterday she whispered the same songs in mine'.

And he said:

    'Tomorrow she will whisper them in mine'.

And I said,

    'Look at her embracing him, and yesterday she embraced me'.

And he said:

    'Tomorrow she will lie in my arms'.

And I said, 

    'What a strange woman she is!!'

And he said:

    'She is Life'.

I love you. My Ai Wei Wei

Art or Artist...? Novel or Novella...?

Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash

He was stealing glances at me while queuing at a counter in the airport.

Our eyes met briefly but deliberately. Neither of us smiled.

I registered an interesting face. A dignified one. 

But a stranger nonetheless. I was in no need for men that weekend.

I escaped a litany of them to relax & enjoy myself in this quaint little town.

Coincidentally we shared a taxi to our hotel and was formally introduced to each other at the pre-wedding party.

We sat drinking beers, smoking cigarettes and talked. 

We shared stories of solo trekking in the Annapurna. We connected at the intellectual level that night.

The next two days we spent time exploring the town eating and drinking- in town, out of town, at the wedding reception, the dinner party, and the after party. 

I enjoyed seeing him and having him around. 

He's fun.

We had a great time as a group of friends celebrating our friend's wedding parties.

We met back in the city months later after he returned from his travels over the year-end holidays.

He surprised me with a present over a quiet dinner of pasta & wine in a fancy restaurant where we talked till late. We shared a common interest in books and authors. But I think we shared a deeper longing for spirituality. Both of us were searching. For life. For meaning. For fulfilment. 

Whatever it was, we certainly weren't going to find it that night.

We reluctantly parted as he had his work and family to go home to and I went home to be alone.

As I lay down to sleep that night, I decided that I like that guy. He's a gentleman and a thinker.

We kept in touch solely through each others' social media postings.

 

Months and years passed until I came back to the local scene. 

It has been an introspective year, I was restless. I was impatient. I felt like a caged tiger. 

It was depressing to take stock of my achievements to find that there seemed to be none.

So I ranted and raved my frustrations online. I was also bored.

He responded almost instantly. He asked if we could meet. 

I said maybe. He suggested dinner. I said maybe.

I was unsure. It's been so long. 

I hardly know him. We've only met a couple of times.

What if he was a serial killer? Worse, a human trafficker. 

So we texted offline. I got tired of texting so I called him.

I was so glad I did. He sounded so different. So different from the person I first met. 

If I had enjoyed him the first time, I think this is an even more enjoyable version.

He sounded so exuberant, so joyful. His voice was calm and reassuring. 

We spoke late into the night, at the end I agreed to meet him for dinner. Why not? I thought.

The date was set two week away. The wait was agonising. 

I just could not wait to see him. He had charmed me, way before he was due to meet me again.

It was a Thursday when I saw him again. He offered to pick me up from my place.

I gave him the general location but not my address for reasons if he was unstable.

He showed up on time and I jumped into his car. He looked every bit the gentleman I knew.

Looking more lean and tanned. Still as attractive.

He promised me dinner but first he insisted on pre-dinner cocktails at his place.

My heart skipped a beat. But I decided to go along with his plan.

Music was playing as I entered his simple but beautiful home.

I felt immediately at ease, at home and a feeling of calmness descended upon us.

We never left for dinner after that.

We sat and watched the sunset over cocktails. We switched to a bottle of rare vintage Rioja after sunset.

"It's a special occasion!" he said while breaking the cork of the 30 year old vintage. 

Decanted, the wine aged beautifully lingering long and strong on a palate of chocolate, dark berries, spices with sweetness of character. The latter trait also describes the man who was my host, 

He skilfully entertained me through the night, coaxing me to loosen more than my tongue.

I told my current story in great detail, then my past in even greater detail. He listened in silence.

I felt liberated to unload years of stories of my childhood to stories of relationships and affairs. 

I felt a sense of pride and relief in unburdening the load I had been carrying all these years. 

I felt uplifted. And I was intoxicated, in every sense of the word. The bottle was also empty.

I had never had sex in quite a long time. I simply never had the chance. I was in need mode.

And here was a charming as fuck (pun intended) individual who has loosened my tongue and now me.

Sensing my willingness, he stood and beckoned me across the patio. I relented.

He took my hand in his and drew me effortlessly close to his chest. 

My face looked up to his face and we kissed. Hard and hungry at first then gentle, soft and long.

We continue kissing as he gently edges me to his leather couch. By which time I am already stripped down to my underwear. He proceeds to kiss my face, my ears, my neck, my shoulders, my breasts. His lips were so soft and gentle. So wonderfully inquisitive.

He takes his time to explore my naked body. Licking sucking and kissing every part his hands and tongue could reach. At times it feels like he has more tongue than hands. He eventually descends to my belly, kissing and licking my tummy and belly button. Moving lower, he pause to gently remove my underwear then dives head-on into my centre. 

He ate me full and wholesome that night. Like I wanted him to, the first night I sat with him almost six years to the date. I have him finally having me. Sweet and long. Pure languid bliss.

We continued to talk, smoke, and drink and then made sweet love all night long. 

It was only at dawn that we could finally tear ourselves from each other to collapse into deep slumber. 

To be continued...