I love you. My aww #3. The spy who loved me.

 Alone Again. But...

I find myself alone in my room once again. Alone again. 

Just like I was alone more than 24 hours ago, waiting in eager anticipation for him to pick me up. 

Now that he has delivered me back from what seems to be a delectable and delightful night and day, I am back again to being alone. I used to be happy being alone but not this time. 

Not now. Now I feel a certain emptiness. Like I was torn from a wholeness which I only briefly experienced for just over 24 hours. Now I can’t wait to see him again. It’s so strange. 

I have not experienced this feeling in a long time. At least not after such a short first encounter. 

Wait. It’s all happening so fast. Too fast. 

I’m trying to recall what happened while I float around my apartment packing for our trip tomorrow. 

Wait. How long am I packing for? It doesn’t matter I’m packing as much as I can. 

Wait. Where are we going? I don’t care. I just want to be with him, wherever he takes me. 

Wait. I haven’t said yes but he wasn’t rushing me. He wanted me to see the facility first and then he wanted me to take my time to decide. 

Wait. Am I walking into a trap? 

Wait. Wait! 

That’s what I have been doing all my life. Waiting. 

Now I am asking myself in all honesty. What am I waiting for? Haven’t I lived my life in pursuit of the unknown? For adventure?  Isn’t this what I have signed up for? 

Before I can even hear myself think, I find myself texting like an infatuated school girl on the phone with him again. 

At the end of the long night, I finally settled down to recalibrate my senses and my sense of mission. After clearing my head, I placed an encrypted call to Berlin to report my position. I received clearance and was cautioned to ensure our subject has not even the slightest hint of being under observation. I replied in the affirmative. They ended the communique by assigning me my next mission to Sri Lanka. But what about the Covid situation there? The line went dead. 

“It does look like your quest for adventure is unfolding fast young lady”, I told myself before I fall into much needed deep sleep, forgetting to brush my teeth, that night. 

To be continued.

I love you. Departures.

 Flight.

There are those whose wings

Learn to catch the winds

Before the rest of us.

Their world opens, vast

They soar, so fast.

(Too fast?)

And are gone, free forever.

We say "See you there"

(with a hint of despair)

For alone, we know not how.

We yearn to take flight

But we know, to earn the right

Would be to leap without fear.

Now is not our time.

For that glory so sublime

A thousand miles 

and years remain.

Let us think of the skies

And with hope in our eyes

Slowly, surely, learn to fly.

    Fifteen years have flown by, since your departure from this world. Still not a day goes by   that you are not with us. What joy you bring in your presence and in your absence.                   

             For it is in knowing and having you in our lives that make this life a lot more worthwhile and more worth living. So; Here's to living and dying and dying and living. 

            After all; Departures are Arrivals as Endings are Beginnings. See you there. Son.

 

 

 

I love you. Ode to a Cat

Lush Pussy. Wide Berth. Narrow Catwalk.

In Memoriam- Dorsi

I have never shared space with a pussy as lush as you before. 

 

We met under strange circumstances. You were trapped in my apartment for days. 
You crept in and hid somewhere in my bedroom, unknowingly I locked up and left.
Your owners frantic. I had to cut short my stay at the farm to return to give you release.
 
Ever since, you roam as you please in the space between your apartment and mine. 
I see you and you see me and both giving each other a wide berth. 

Neither of us needed company. Neither needed to be stroked or touched. 

We respected each other's space, to be in silent solitude or to just chill, together or apart. 


It didn't matter if we didn't see each other for weeks or months, our space is still our                                 sanctuary for sanity. The less we say to each other, the more we respect each other. 

        

Now that you're gone, I feel the emptiness, like the space we have shared all these years. 

        

An emptiness that is not quite empty. An emptiness that can only be felt when one is missing.

I shall miss you and our shared emptiness. 

I take comfort in knowing that you have finally found your lush wings, 

made your final narrow walk on our balcony sill and took flight. 

Goodbye my silent companion. Till we meet again, thanks for your company.

I love you. Infinite Wisdom.

 As Deep As The Ocean

Photo by Maryna Yazbeck on Unsplash

All experiences are like bubbles appearing momentarily on the surface of the ocean. 

They arise depending on the weather, the winds and the motion of the water. 

Similarly, all phenomena including your thoughts and emotions are merely the flow of energy, arising and dissolving. You can't grasp or hold onto a bubble. Your family, friends and possessions are like bubbles appearing out of mind's empty essence- the Ocean of Wisdom. 

The bubbles are not the source of happiness- this Ocean of Wisdom is. 

Therefore when the bubbles vanish, your happiness will not disappear. These bubbles are actually a wondrous display. 

Understanding it in this way, you will be inspired to swim like a fish in this Ocean of Wisdom.