I love you. In Memoriam

Death Ends A Life But Not A Relationship

Here I would like to honour the people who are dear to me and have gone before me;

In Memoriam. September 2022. 

• Grandfather and Grandmothers (Ah Kong, Ah Mah, Sar Mah)

• Mother (Mama)

• Step-Mother (Abu)

• Father (Papa)

• Son (Jon)

• Father and Mother in law (Kung Kung and Po Po)

• Elder Sister (Ah Chi)

• Dato' Douglas Lee

• Queen Elizabeth II 

 

Coat of Arms of Queen Elizabeth II

The recent demise of the Queen at age 96 saw the end of an epoch, of the past. 

Her funeral became the most watched event in television history. 

Never was silence and stillness observed for such long drawn periods amongst the people present during the procession of the Queen's coffin whether drawn on a gun-carriage by young naval officers or by horsepower to Windsor.

As much as people understand that die we all must, and that in this case there is even cause for celebration, anyone living past the big nine-O deserves a standing ovation. But as the moments and days go by from her demise, there remains another kind of mourning. Perhaps not a mourning but a feeling of a sense of loss of more than just a monarch or an extraordinary human being but the loss of values -  propriety, family, dogs, horses, duty, honesty, simplicity, discipline, sacrifice, selflessness, leadership, understanding, womanhood and love. 

One could argue that she lacks the last value but she loves everyone equally, starting from the inner family circle, outer family, community, the government, and the nation including the commonwealth. She mustn't be seen to have favourites and she wasn't. 

Which was clearly demonstrated in the case of Princess Margaret, her dearest only baby sister. 

She and Margaret when very young, made a promise to their father King George VI to never let anything or anyone come between them. When Margaret wanted her permission to marry the love of her life; Group Captain Peter Townsend, who was a war hero commissioned to serve in the royal household when George VI was king, she wholeheartedly gave her approval but the church and the parliament disapproved even though then Prime Minister Winston Churchill, personally approved of "a lovely young royal lady married to a gallant young airman." 

His cabinet refused to approve the marriage and the Archbishop of Canterbury did not approve of Margaret marrying a divorced man. The whole affair caused a constitutional crisis. 

The Queen stood her ground helping Margaret navigate the crisis, she planned to amend the 1772 Act making a royal marriage requiring the Queen's permission, allowing Margaret to marry Peter by removing her and any children from the marriage from the line of succession and thus the Queen's permission would no longer be necessary. 

"Her Majesty would not wish to stand in the way of her sister's happiness." she wrote in a letter on the subject to the Commonwealth Prime Ministers. 

In the end, Margaret and Peter decided not to marry and issued a statement citing the Church's teachings and duty to the Commonwealth as reasons. 

The Queen and her sister Princess Margaret were as thick as thieves growing up with their father and mother King George VI and Queen Elizabeth Bowes-Lyon, who wasn't born fellow royalty. They were just the Duke and Duchess of York then with two daughters, Elizabeth and Margaret. The close family lived in 145 Piccadilly rather than one of the royal palaces. They had pretty much settled down to a normal quiet family life.

However that was not to be, when the heir apparent to King George V, King Edward VIII, abdicated the throne to marry Wallis Simpson, a twice divorced American woman. Reluctantly Prince Albert (Bertie) accepted the throne to become King George VI. Bertie went to see his mother Queen Mary, told her what had just happened and cried his eyes out, sobbing like a child. 

From that day onwards, the sisters Elizabeth's and Margaret's lives took a big turn. They in turn became heirs apparent to the throne of the United Kingdom. 

George VI although a good king, never expected or wished to be King. Although he suffered from a speech impediment, he never lacked bravery or enterprise and he had a strong sense of duty. He fought in WW1 and he was the first member of the royal family to learn to fly. He became King in December 1936. Shortly afterwards, WW2 descended on Britain. The royal couple and their family rose to the occasion and held the nation together by staying at their posts all through the blitz and showed love and care for their people. In addition, they coped brilliantly with the aftermath of the abdication restoring faith in the monarchy.

The post war years saw Britain undergoing economic hardship and the King's health took a heavy toll. He had been a heavy smoker and had his lung removed in 1951. He died in his sleep in the winter of 1952.

Princess Elizabeth and Prince Phillip was on the tour of the Commonwealth on behalf of the King. She was on the first leg of the tour in Kenya when she received news of the King's death. She immediately returned to Britain as Queen Elizabeth II. 

So, as subjects of the Commonwealth and therefore the Crown, one can't help but feel the loss of recent days. The events that unfolded and the implications that were felt makes one want to contemplate the legacy that the late Queen has left behind. 

For starters, for those of us, Malaysians or otherwise who were brought up on the English tongue, know that we have been speaking and writing the Queen's English. And if the comprehension and expression of your English far surpasses your own native language, then your mother tongue is English. 

I have often wondered what language would I be fluent in, had the British not colonised Malaya then?

Would I still be able to enjoy the news, writings, books, literature, entertainment, civilisation, culture, fashion, food, politics, racism, imperialism, and so forth, the way a British subject would or would the outcome be totally different?

I don't yet have the answers to that question but I daresay I can see, with the passing of this woman, that she was not only Queen of the United Kingdom or the Commonwealth but the entire civilised world. To put it in the words exchanged between, the Queen and Princess Margaret after her coronation which was telecast live on television to a worldwide audience, Margaret said to Lilibeth; "You are the most popular person in the world". Lilibeth replied; " and you are the luckiest."

Her popularity was, unlike that of famous politicians, movie stars, celebrities or even Jesus.

On the eve of her coronation day, she made a radio broadcast to the Commonwealth in which she pledged her devotion to its people saying;

"Throughout all my life and with all my heart I shall strive to be worthy of your trust."

Coronations have been held at Westminster Abbey for 900 years and The Coronation of Queen Elizabeth II was to follow suit. Her coronation was set on 2 June 1953, only sixteen years earlier she had watched her father King George VI crowned in the elaborate ceremony in 1937. Hers was setting records of its own. It was the first ever to be televised in colour, it was watched by 27 million people and heard on the radio by 11 million people in the UK and over 200 million people around the world.

The Archbishop of Canterbury conducted the service, a duty undertaken since 1066. The coronation service include the Anointing of the sovereign with Anointing oils before god in an abbey. 

Therefore the Queen is installed as the monarch who is answerable to God. 

That is indeed a divine calling. No doubt when the crown was placed on her head, its weight was more than just a jewel-encrusted headgear. It came with the trust, the hopes and dreams of millions of people that the Queen will rule fairly and justly with dignity. 

Looking back at the 70 years of reign, she has delivered on the oath she took when she was anointed, crowned and installed as Queen at 25 years of age.

What a feat it was for any human being to achieve. It would seem that only a woman could have achieved that as it has just been proven that no man has ever done in the civilised world.

Although she had her fair share of challenges, governmental- mainly with the executive, the occasional family crisis including Princess Margaret, Princess Diana, and Prince Andrew. During her reign violence was central to the empire as exploitation of the colonies throughout the world brings into question whether the British Empire was a force of good or one of violent subjugation and exploitation? That is a story for another day. 

For now, I would like to mourn the passing of a remarkable woman who kept her promises, who said what she meant and meant what she said and in so doing, exalted womankind, inspired women and men around the globe. She carried out her divine work with her very potent 'soft' power. 

And to celebrate her life while bidding farewell to the end of the epoch of the Elizabethan age.

Thank you. Rest in Peace Ma'am.

P/S; Do you know The Queen's nickname?

I love you. Now

 The three-letter word. And the three-word sentence.

Photo by Aleksey Oryshchenko on Unsplash

 

Probably the most important word and sentence in Life. 

Now and Be Here Now. 

Now you are reading this. It is only ever NOW that you are doing anything. 

So why not Be Here Now? 

Think about that. Now. 

I love you. Pool Garden

Photo: PineForest

 The Trees

They breathe oxygen into my lungs.
They shelter me from the sun and storms.
Parading all the hues of blue and green

for my eyes to rest upon as I gaze out at the ether.


The Water

She snuggles me in the bosom of her depths.

She makes me gurgle and gasp.

She takes my breath away, each time I suck in

the life surrounding me atop the water.

The Japanese Black Pines

They surround all four corners of the pool garden.

Each standing vigilant like samurai warriors standing guard,

strong and dignified in the sun and wind, day and night.

I Love You. Rome

Of Ancient Cities and the Human Condition.

I have wanted to visit Italy so badly that I've resorted to watching their first locally produced TV series on Netflix to prime myself.

I am so glad I did as I get to visit the streets and sights of Rome every night after dinner.

I get to feast my senses on the opulent art, architecture, and infrastructure of the city down to the last detail of ancient cobblestones underfoot and intricate touches on columns, ceilings, church domes and murals on skylights. From the hefty solid gold Vatican door knobs down to fine accessories donned by Romans on their hands and romanesque bodies looking just as good in metal breastplate and battle helmets as in torn jeans and leather jackets. It is a rewarding experience.  

The script and stories that unfold are intriguing and convoluted to say the least. It seems to me that blood is quite easily spilt on the streets of Rome. Especially in the Subbura, place of ill repute- Caesar's family home started in these parts in 63BC.

From a macro perspective, one understands that Rome was (to a lesser extent now) a bathhouse of countless cultures and civilisations for two thousand seven hundred and seventy five years. That is a lot of blood, sweat and tears to wash down the streets of modern day Rome. 

This mafia-led gangster series see fellow Romans of all stripe and ethnicity slit each others throats and shoot each others brains out staking territories to control and expand, scheming to rule all of Rome. Both young and old fighting together, each other or plotting to murder the other.

The key players are young, confident, incredibly talented and all adorned with looks fashioned after their Greek ancestors. Adding further delight, is  an equally talented production crew of directors and cameramen/women. Meticulousness and attention to details with breathtaking framing of Rome's great locations bring a huge expansiveness to the cinematic experience. I guess this gentleman sitting on top of the production heirarchy; Executive Producer,  Matteo De Laurentis may be responsible for the slick production. The Italians have come a long way since the days of the spaghetti western, Tornatore, Bertolucci,  Zefferelli, Coppola and Scorcese. Now it's Danielle Cesarano and Barbara Petronio, both women. Rome is indeed run by beautiful and gritty women.

Still on production, special mention must be made of the music production. The angsty high energy Roman gangsta rap soundtrack that accompanies the series drives it hard and fast like a runaway train. A beautiful vignette of modern day's young people's Rome, their current sentiment is made felt here.

What a wonderful way of visiting Rome. Seeing the sights and hearing the sounds from the dark side sitting on my backside.

Then... there's the scenic drive from Rome to Venice with unscheduled stops in Florence and Bologna with little intent of arriving. That as they say, is a story for another day...

Ciao!

I Love You. Jon @32

 The Four Agreements.

This came to me early this morning at 5.30 am to be exact.

This book on personal growth based on ancient Toltec wisdom, written by Don Miguel Ruiz was published in 1997. 

It was on my list of spiritual or self-help books since 1999 when my journey into self began. I have acquired many books since but this one somehow eluded me. Until this morning when I awoke in bed, giving thanks for being able to wake and feel my limbs intact and mobile. It came in the form of an audio book so I promptly dived into it and barely into the first chapter, I found it warranted my full attention. So I got out of bed, went into the living room, sat in my reading chair and braced myself for over an hour of pure truths.

It has often been said that, the book finds you and not the other way around. I couldn't agree more and I am revelling in that saying. Better late than never. what's even better, this came at the crack of dawn on your birthday Jon.

In the days leading up to this one, one gets to ponder on exquisite questions like; what topics of discussion would we be indulging in? Or what advise would we be inspiring each other with?

Well, I need to ponder no more. The answers came to me fast and hard at the dawn of today.

As a reminder to self, here's a quick summary of the gift of The Four Agreements;

The backdrop is about limiting beliefs that we all have been "domesticated" since childhood that robs us of joy and create needless suffering.

To break the centuries old conditioning, we can practice three skills to free ourselves against  'domestication' 

1. Awareness- Practice meditation and mindfulness.

2. Forgiveness- Awareness brings forgiveness

3. Action- From forgiveness we will receive the strength to act.

Then to break all our previous self-limiting agreements, start these new Four Agreements and completely change our lives:

First : "Be Impeccable with your word."

Say only the truth and only what you mean. first to yourself and to others.

Second: "Don't take anything personally."

Understand that others words are the product of their own domesticated lives.

Third: "Don't make assumptions"

Be brave to ask questions.

Fourth: " Always do your best"

Your best will change from moment to moment.

Come to think of it, you are the embodiment of the Four Agreements above, don't you think?

I am enjoying the present, moment to moment. 

Thank you Jon. Happy Birthday.

Au Revoir.

I love you. Liberation

Suffering.

Whether you care to admit it or not. There is suffering.

https://unsplash.com/photos/PT-gOmCUlCY

The Universal symbol of Christianity is a torture instrument upon which Jesus suffered. 

The Cross is a reminder that there is suffering in this world.

All of us have our crosses to bear in this life. 

Gautama the Buddha became the awakened one by uncovering the first of his four noble truth- There is suffering. A simple and irrefutable truth that took him a lot of suffering to arrive at.

These two gentlemen went through great pain and suffering to both arrive to deliver this truth.

For each of us living this life, it is evident that it comes with pain and suffering and no one escapes this;

 “We are born astride the grave.” ~Samuel Beckett. 

"We are all dying the minute we are born. Goes fast. Don't waste it". (This dialogue quoting Beckett came from an episode of Ozarks I was watching one night.)

The way out of suffering is to let go grasping of desires. 

Desire

Desires are what make this life. 

We all have desires.

We can have desires. 

We can enjoy desires if we get them. 

We can live with desires. 

Desires arise and subside. 

Desires are impermanent but endless.

So do not be attached to desires. 

Because attachment to desire is the cause of suffering. 

"All that is subject to arising is subject to ceasing". This is wise (perfect) understanding, *according to Buddha's eightfold path.

That is all we need to know to have perfect understanding. 

When we know this we transcend suffering and achieve true liberation. 

This is what Easter, Buddhism and this post is all about. 

Transcendence to liberation. The end of suffering. 

HAPPY EASTER Everyone.

I love you. A Spiritual Vision.

 What is a Spiritual Vision?

Photo by Tom Gainor on Unsplash

Sounds really deep doesn't it? Sounds like you'd have to shave your head, retreat into a cave deep in the mountains, sit and contemplate your life, doesn't it?

Well not quite. 

Thanks to Preethaji & Krishnaji, founders of O&O Academy, it simply means deciding which inner state to operate from. But before we decide which inner state to be constantly in, the question of WHY arises. Why do we have to decide on a spiritual vision?

Because, in our brain, there are 100 billion neurons, a trillion support cells called neuroglia and at least 100 trillion neural connections. Our thoughts and emotions are like electrical impulses moving at incredible speeds between neurons. 

According to Jennifer Hawthorne, bestselling co-author of Chicken Soup for the Woman's Soul, human beings have 12,000 to 60,000 thoughts per day, and the majority of them are repetitive. 

And a shocking 80 percent of our ordinary mental chatter are negative. Which means most people on average live 80 percent of their time in a suffering state unconsciously, and 20 percent of the time in a beautiful state.

To truly come alive, we must reverse the ratio. Gradually the 20 percent must become 40 percent, 60 percent, 80 percent or more living in a beautiful state. Imagine how beautiful life would be.

So A Spiritual Vision is not a goal to reach. It is simply this; 

It refers to the very state you choose to live in as you go about reaching your goals. It is, in fact, the mother of all visions.

Let's say you have a vision of being a leader, a partner, parent, or a CEO. Those are roles. 

They're all about doing. What about your inner state every day? 

Would you be ok with fulfilling the role of a leader, partner, parent, CEO in a state of confusion, frustration or guilt?

Or would you like to fulfill these roles while living in a beautiful state of connection and clarity? 

Imagine a happy parent? A fulfilled partner, or A grateful CEO?  

So I think the most important decision we can ever hold on to is this;

From which state do we want to live every day of our lives? From which state do we want to create our destiny?

There are only two states of being- A beautiful state or A suffering state. You get to choose.

I love you. Summer is Autumn in New York.

 Today is Summer's birthday. 

As birthdays and summer go, they bring great Joy to everyone everywhere.

I had the precious joy of assembling a goodie bag of sorts, with a little help from my friends at the florist and work creating little bundles of delight.

Then the joy of discovery, after delivery of the unique combinations, that she's safely back at the big apple. Pursuing her heart's desire once again.

 

It seems like only a short while ago that I left the girl then perched atop Columbus Circle at The Mandarin Oriental overlooking Central Park in New York city. She had settled into dance school to begin her journey into music and drama at AMDA. That was six years ago. 

It must have been a fabulous journey seeing where she is now. Back to doing what she loves doing most- Musical Theatre and Dance.

There is great joy revelling in that thought today. 

Here's wishing you A Happy Birthday and Bon Voyage on yet another great adventure.

Just remember this; "Our ceiling is your floor" ~ Daughter (Venus-Sleeping at last)

And as you spread your joy, May you find Joy in everything you do.

I love you. Cooped Up & Comfortable.

Of Lush Rut and Rainbows

Photo by Sophie Louisnard on Unsplash

"Lush Rut", a good friend introduced this term to me. He used it to describe a situation whereby a person is so comfortable staying home that she refuses to step out of their abode during the MCO. 

Reflecting on this, perhaps the term to describe my own self incarceration, which actually comes pretty close to lush rut is 'cooped up and comfortable'. Too comfortable at times.

I figure it's time to venture beyond the market places and eating places to get back to nature.

So at the end of the last day of the week, after the thunderstorm has receded, I don my walkies and take big strides up and down the tree-lined avenues of the premises. 

I taste the raindrops as I saunter westward admiring the red prawn sky, coloured by the setting sun. I notice the lilac coloured blooms of the Jacarandas are starting to litter the road.

Round the corner, up the slope heading east, I leave the sun-crumpled sky behind me.

As I ascend the gentle slope, I hear a child's incessant cry, like a town crier in the days of old; "Everybody look, there's a rainbow here" " Everybody look, there's a rainbow here" pointing eastwards. 

I look up and there it was, a majestic rainbow that has formed almost completely arching the eastern high-rise dotted skyline of the suburb. Then I look in the direction of the 'town crier' and I see a little boy's head just barely clearing the balcony sill. His brown face and mop of hair revealed an innocent lad of no more than 4 or 5 years young, smiling back at me.

I cried back; "Thank you for showing me such a beautiful sight. If not for you I would have missed this wonderful rainbow" He smile and turned to look at his mother who was sitting next to him. The equally brown skinned, young mother amplified my gratitude to her son. We all smiled, I waved them a fond goodbye and continued up the slope admiring the clarity of the huge multi-coloured arch that was especially large that other residents stopped to pose for selfies down on the main road.

The rays of the setting sun had brilliantly captured the last sprays of rainfall at the end of the thunderstorm, to form a picture perfect rainbow even a child can appreciate and shout about. 

I proceeded with my saunter as the evening turns to twilight like a thick carpet of indigo descending upon the tree-lined landscape. The warm lighting in the windows and doorways frame golden patches against the bluish darkness. Hence the golden hour, the time that home and family beckon at day's end, the return to loved ones after work. 

I walk another lap round the U-shaped circuit to wander in the twilight settings, watching the remaining patch of light in the far horizon fade to blue as the lone magpie sings her final song before flying home to her nest. And I see the usual runners and walkers still rounding the circuit in their individual quest for health or space. Then I wonder what happened to the others? Do they not yearn for space or freedom from their cramped spaces especially if family is abound? Do they suffer in silence or are they in constant conflict in cramped spaces? I certainly hope not, judging from only the handful who roam our spacious grounds, the rest are perhaps happy in a 'lush rut'.

 I think to myself, as I head home to my coop to roost on a single ticket. How different would it be, if during the MCO I had family to share a home with not only at day's end but all day and night?

Good night. 

I love you. My aww #3. The spy who loved me.

 Alone Again. But...

I find myself alone in my room once again. Alone again. 

Just like I was alone more than 24 hours ago, waiting in eager anticipation for him to pick me up. 

Now that he has delivered me back from what seems to be a delectable and delightful night and day, I am back again to being alone. I used to be happy being alone but not this time. 

Not now. Now I feel a certain emptiness. Like I was torn from a wholeness which I only briefly experienced for just over 24 hours. Now I can’t wait to see him again. It’s so strange. 

I have not experienced this feeling in a long time. At least not after such a short first encounter. 

Wait. It’s all happening so fast. Too fast. 

I’m trying to recall what happened while I float around my apartment packing for our trip tomorrow. 

Wait. How long am I packing for? It doesn’t matter I’m packing as much as I can. 

Wait. Where are we going? I don’t care. I just want to be with him, wherever he takes me. 

Wait. I haven’t said yes but he wasn’t rushing me. He wanted me to see the facility first and then he wanted me to take my time to decide. 

Wait. Am I walking into a trap? 

Wait. Wait! 

That’s what I have been doing all my life. Waiting. 

Now I am asking myself in all honesty. What am I waiting for? Haven’t I lived my life in pursuit of the unknown? For adventure?  Isn’t this what I have signed up for? 

Before I can even hear myself think, I find myself texting like an infatuated school girl on the phone with him again. 

At the end of the long night, I finally settled down to recalibrate my senses and my sense of mission. After clearing my head, I placed an encrypted call to Berlin to report my position. I received clearance and was cautioned to ensure our subject has not even the slightest hint of being under observation. I replied in the affirmative. They ended the communique by assigning me my next mission to Sri Lanka. But what about the Covid situation there? The line went dead. 

“It does look like your quest for adventure is unfolding fast young lady”, I told myself before I fall into much needed deep sleep, forgetting to brush my teeth, that night. 

To be continued.

I love you. Departures.

 Flight.

There are those whose wings

Learn to catch the winds

Before the rest of us.

Their world opens, vast

They soar, so fast.

(Too fast?)

And are gone, free forever.

We say "See you there"

(with a hint of despair)

For alone, we know not how.

We yearn to take flight

But we know, to earn the right

Would be to leap without fear.

Now is not our time.

For that glory so sublime

A thousand miles 

and years remain.

Let us think of the skies

And with hope in our eyes

Slowly, surely, learn to fly.

    Fifteen years have flown by, since your departure from this world. Still not a day goes by   that you are not with us. What joy you bring in your presence and in your absence.                   

             For it is in knowing and having you in our lives that make this life a lot more worthwhile and more worth living. So; Here's to living and dying and dying and living. 

            After all; Departures are Arrivals as Endings are Beginnings. See you there. Son.

 

 

 

I love you. Ode to a Cat

Lush Pussy. Wide Berth. Narrow Catwalk.

In Memoriam- Dorsi

I have never shared space with a pussy as lush as you before. 

 

We met under strange circumstances. You were trapped in my apartment for days. 
You crept in and hid somewhere in my bedroom, unknowingly I locked up and left.
Your owners frantic. I had to cut short my stay at the farm to return to give you release.
 
Ever since, you roam as you please in the space between your apartment and mine. 
I see you and you see me and both giving each other a wide berth. 

Neither of us needed company. Neither needed to be stroked or touched. 

We respected each other's space, to be in silent solitude or to just chill, together or apart. 


It didn't matter if we didn't see each other for weeks or months, our space is still our                                 sanctuary for sanity. The less we say to each other, the more we respect each other. 

        

Now that you're gone, I feel the emptiness, like the space we have shared all these years. 

        

An emptiness that is not quite empty. An emptiness that can only be felt when one is missing.

I shall miss you and our shared emptiness. 

I take comfort in knowing that you have finally found your lush wings, 

made your final narrow walk on our balcony sill and took flight. 

Goodbye my silent companion. Till we meet again, thanks for your company.

I love you. Infinite Wisdom.

 As Deep As The Ocean

Photo by Maryna Yazbeck on Unsplash

All experiences are like bubbles appearing momentarily on the surface of the ocean. 

They arise depending on the weather, the winds and the motion of the water. 

Similarly, all phenomena including your thoughts and emotions are merely the flow of energy, arising and dissolving. You can't grasp or hold onto a bubble. Your family, friends and possessions are like bubbles appearing out of mind's empty essence- the Ocean of Wisdom. 

The bubbles are not the source of happiness- this Ocean of Wisdom is. 

Therefore when the bubbles vanish, your happiness will not disappear. These bubbles are actually a wondrous display. 

Understanding it in this way, you will be inspired to swim like a fish in this Ocean of Wisdom.

I love you. Jon @31

 Knocking On Heaven's Door

That would be your anthem, among many of course. I chose this one because it reminds me of the mortality of the human form. The surety that as each of us is born we must each surely die. The best line thus far depicting and driving home this fact for me is encapsulated in this cheeky quote; “ do not get too serious with life, nobody gets out alive” So it is and was on that score( hmm.. I’m wondering if any great composer has a music score on that? Must check) that you, me and largely the conscious have come to live life. 

I still remember back when you and your band chose to sing this song, I was a little disturbed but gave it no further thought as I marked Guns & Roses under the genre of heavy metal and hard rock. They’re meant to be rebellious and provocative and I had little interest in them. 

However upon further introspection over time, this song holds much truth for living as much as it is about dying. We must come to terms with death before we can start living. 

Originally composed by Bob Dylan for the Sam Peckinpah movie- Pat Garret and Billy the Kid, this song is one of the greatest soundtracks of our lives. It has since been covered by many artists including Eric Clapton and GnR. Peckinpah also made the epic western- The Wild Bunch, that revised the entire western genre with innovative storytelling, and real depictions of violence in his interpretations. His characters are mostly loners and losers who desire to be honourable but are forced to compromise in a world of injustice and brutality. He inspired many filmmakers notably John Woo, who framed most of his shots inspired by Peckinpah, who pioneered the slow motion action sequences and Woo became iconic for using those techniques in his movies.

The song was written to the lyrics depicting the movie, there's nothing to it. 

Jon’s take was purely band and pop (rebel)culture driving the young of his time. It was after all 2004 and you were 14 and not much of a rebel. The oft repeated phrase keeps coming back in reprise. The rebuttal on my lips every time is;  aren’t we all, Knocking on Heaven’s door? Well you knocked and the door opened for you. You lucky bastard! Son of a Gan! I always see that cheeky grin of yours, it's a certain delightful knowing that it's all ok. 

I suppose at 31 you’d know by now that we don't ever really die. We live on in each other even after we die. 

Happy Birthday Son. It is all ok.

I love you. My Ai Wei Wei #2

 Is she or is she not another spy?

Continued..

I woke up with a start from a short but blissful sleep to find her lying next to me. Whatever happened the night before seemed like a distant dream. It couldn’t have been real. It seemed too good to be true. It seems overnight a friend turned into a lover. 

Lying next to me so silent, still and warm in the muted morning light, she was in deep peaceful slumber. 

I tried not to move for fear of waking her. As I lay stretched on my side, my shoulder was still hurting from my unexpected scuffle with the Chinese spy months ago, the knife was lodged in-between my shoulder blade and spine, the sharp tip punctured my aorta. I was still healing and secretly hoping the one sleeping next to me isn’t another plant plus I wasn't ready for another blow. Well at least there were no new wounds since last night. Still I knew I had to be cautious. But so far I could tell she’s no mortal danger to me. I did my homework she’s got the goods for the mission. 

Question is; whether she’s willing and at what price. I was about to find out. 

She woke up as I was looking at how beautifully comfortable she slept. She turned to me and smiled, as though she had done this to me a thousand times before. Maybe that’s why she looked so beautiful. It just seemed so natural and deeply intimate. I leaned over and kissed her. 

It wasn’t until about noon that we finally dressed to go downstairs for a late breakfast. Though still in the dress and heels she wore the night before, she looked every bit as resplendent. Now even more radiant. 

We ate breakfast and drank coffee with languid casualness showing no signs of missing a dinner promised last night. Satiated with our first meal of the day, we drifted back to the living room for more lovemaking on the couch. 

Later in the afternoon, I drove her back, we parted reluctantly, only to reconnect via text of what remains of the day, talking later in the night, making plans to journey south to mission headquarters. 

When we met the following day, we both agreed it already felt too long. We buckled up for the delightful road trip not caring if we arrive. We finally did, only to see her joy and approval of mission headquarters. She was sold. We spent the next eighteen days and nights together. With no visible wounds to show. 

HBTY my WW.

To be continued. 

I love you. Brickfields

 There's no place like Brickfields on a Sunday afternoon.

A typical lazy Sunday would have me eating lunch at 3pm ideally in Brickfields. I'd be spoilt for choice for either Peter's Pork Noodles or Moorthy's legendary Fried Fish on Banana leaf rice, both are tucked away in a secluded but bustling food court coffee shop in the middle of Brickfields. 

Today at 3.30 pm only Peter's stall remains open in a near empty food court, Ah Lai, his ever reliable right-hand man, expertly prepares my usual order, then packs it tightly for me with equal vigour and enthusiastic chatter. I bid him a warm farewell and left promptly with my favourite pork noodles.

Normally after being satiated, a walk would be recommended- firstly to allow the food to settle into the lower reaches of the body and second, to take in the sights and delights this rich little Indian settlement has to offer. 

The 200-meter walk from our food court to the bustling old quarter takes us pass one of the last remaining historical landmark of the district- the Vivekananda Ashram beautifully built by Jaffna Tamils in 1908. This center of education was built in  recognition of their founder being a key member in raising interfaith awareness worldwide and in getting Hinduism recognised as a major world religion at the end of the 19th Century.

Today that walk would still take you past the Vivekananda Ashram, but it would bring little joy apart from the fact that it was recently awarded a National Heritage site, the shops are mostly shuttered, the streets deserted. 

Past that, you're entering the old commercial center of Brickfields where it all began- merchants of all trade hawk their wares in the shops, on the walkways, spilling onto the pedestrian walk. It used to be as colourful and as noisy as the beautiful and gregarious people of the mystical nation of India but today it takes on muted hues and tones. The shops are only half open but the businesses are still spilling out on the streets- fruits, vegetables, desserts and sweetmeats are on display on street vendors' carts. 

One particular vendor caught my eye, selling tea time snacks- fried spicy indian doughnuts- vada, green pea balls, curry puffs, samosas, boiled chick peas and a huge pot of masala tea. I excitedly purchased a little of everything including the masala teh tarek, which was served in an open paper cup as takeaway. 

As I sat in my car sipping my tea, I glance at the stalls and shops that lined the long thoroughfare serving the small crowd, I see a time when it was bustling, busy, colourful and chaotic and I wonder when will that be again. Who knows? For now my masala tea taste simply heavenly and visiting Brickfields on a Sunday afternoon always hits the right spots in me. Though they're a little muted, they're nonetheless beautiful. 

  

I love you. Folk Tales- The Emperor's New Clothes.

 The emperor Has No Clothes. 

When you fail to learn, whether from history or what is evidently happening in your country. Then you have lost the plot. 

Especially if your plot is to hang on to the crown you clearly grabbed when the pendulum swung in your direction. 

Unless you’ve been quarantined in your bathroom suffering from unstoppable diarrhoea, you have clearly demonstrated your stripe. I was about to compare your stripe to that of the hyena, but I wouldn’t want to insult the latter. 

You are no different from the deposed chairman who quipped about two trains kissing when hundreds were injured in a train mishap recently. Both of you are cut from the same cloth.

You joked about raising your blue flag, when the black and white flags hoisted by the people were cries of desperation and despair. 

You strut the public domain thinking we admire your prowess at power grabbing and court intrigue. Knowingly or unknowingly, you have just disrobed yourself for all to see. 

What an ugly sight it was to be forced upon. The truth in this case is truly ugly.

You and your kind. No matter how you adorn yourselves we can see through you. 

We now cannot un-see what we saw. And we shall never want to see, ever again in a person leading our nation.

This is one Farewell we can’t wait to bid you. 

You have just promoted a minister, during whose watch, saw new record high numbers of cases and deaths. 

Now we know why our nation is losing in this Covid war. You and your kind have no interest and no clue about what is happening in the real world. You are lost in another world. Totally lost. 

Instead of commending the rakyat for starting positive initiatives like the white flag movement to care for and feed each other, you told us to not believe in them. 

This was clear when you failed to show any shred of sympathy or understanding of the people’s pain during your public address yesterday. 

The people were looking for some comforting words from their leader. You instead rubbed the hopelessness of the situation in their faces by making quips like raising blue flag instead of black or white flags and full kitchens. And that the T20s are also suffering. Insensitive? Or simply incapable of any form of compassion or feeling or you just simply don't care?

Yesterday- July 15, has to go down as one of the saddest day in history for Malaysians, not only because there are people starving or dying, the people living are devoid of hope when hope and leadership are most needed now.

Before bed, as I trawl the thick and fertile plains of social media channels, I find countless, and endless laments, essays, videos, blogs, vlogs, twits, tik-tocs, pleas, cries and rants on the state of our nation and our leaders and I find myself joining them in chorus. "The emperor has no clothes" and maybe then they will slowly listen and do something.

Good night and good luck Malaysia.

I love you. Keep Calm and Hold on. (Yoga, Hinduism, Buddhism, Stoicism)

 Yogic Culture births Hinduism. Hinduism births Buddhism. And perhaps Stoicism?

In times like these, one is tempted to be sucked into the doldrums that besiege our nation- the alarming number of Covid cases has become a daily scoreboard for public sentiment. At time of writing, the numbers are at an all time high of 11,618 new cases. The higher the numbers climb, the more the hopeless masses sink into despair. Who can blame them? Their livelihoods have been severely curtailed, jobs have been wiped out, businesses have shutdown for months now. No solution is yet in sight.

How will people feed themselves or their families? How do they even survive? 

Here I distract myself from answering questions that have no plausible answers but write about spirituality because spirituality is where I seek solace and more importantly, clarity. While solace is a temporary feeling, clarity is actionable.

While I try to maintain an even keel with my life grounded in Stoicism principles outlined in my previous blog- Here- Stoicism, I am also a devotee of Hinduism, deeply rooted in the Yogic culture. 

I have come to realise there are great similarities in the two. Whether they are related or not I do not know.

I would like to highlight 5 Yogic Principles extolled numerous times by one of the most lucid and eloquent thinker and speaker on the subject of life. 

With great reverence and gratitude I would like to share practical enlightenment from Sadhguru.

1. Keep Account of Your Joy.

Everyday (Covid or no) all sorts of things and events happen to our life, most of which we have no control over. So what's important is that no matter what happens in our life situation, we must stay joyful and keep score of how many moments of Joy you have. Joy is not a goal to attain, joy is available to you at any time. Joy means you're at ease with no pain in the body or trouble in the mind. 

These are the only two kinds of human suffering- body and mind. 

Joy means life has come to ease you not mess you up. If you are at ease, your are in Joy. 

2. Eating With Gratitude.

Whatever you eat, just like whatever you do, you must do it consciously. There is life in food, as we consume it, it gives us life, keeping us alive. Therefore it is life giving material, so whatever and whenever we eat we must eat with reverence and gratitude. Especially now, when people aren't certain when they will have their next meal.

3. Connecting With The Earth.

This very earth that we walk upon has a certain power and memory. After all, all life on this planet has come out of this earth. Spend a few minutes outdoors in your garden, staying in touch with mother earth, touching the soil with our palms and our soles to connect with nature, touching the plants, the flowers and the trees. 

This is the basis of our life, this will harmonise our system. 

4. Wake Up With A Smile.

Before going to sleep each night, sit in bed for two minutes and imagine you're going to die in two minutes time. Then see how you sleep. You will see that when or if you wake up you will feel like a 'newborn'. If you are still alive, then give yourself a Big Smile. Statistics show some people may not wake up tomorrow morning. Being alive is the greatest thing happening to you. Not your possessions, not your family, not your titles or achievements. You're Alive right now. So Smile. Life is indeed very brief.

5. Resolve to get High on Life.

Your ability to live on this planet is essentially how well you can harness your body and your mind. To harness this, it's very important to keep a little space between You and your body and You and your mind. Remember whatever suffering is only experienced in the body or the mind. There is no other kind of suffering- only Physical suffering and Mental suffering. When you can keep a little distance between You and the body and mind, there is no fear of suffering. If you can do this for just a few minutes a day, you will truly get high on life. 

Only then you will explore the full depth and dimension of this life. 

All you need to resolve to do is;  Meditate.

If you'd like to do so, go to my earlier posts > Meditation #1, or Meditate #2, or Be Still  or Meditation #4 or just scroll down to the last post before this. Try it. It's highly recommended.

Stay Safe. Stay Joyful.

I love you. Self Healing Meditation.

Strengthening The Immune System

HalGatewood.com on Unsplash

There is a simple but powerful self healing meditation that you can do whenever you feel the need to boost your immune system. It is particularly effective if used when you feel the first symptoms of an illness, but it also works with illnesses that are already entrenched, if you  use it at frequent intervals and with an intense focus. It will also counteract any disruption of your energy field by some form of negativity.

Here it is;

When you are unoccupied for a few minutes, and especially last thing at night before falling asleep and first thing in the morning before getting up, "flood" your body with consciousness.

Close your eyes. Lying flat on your back, choose different parts of your body to focus your attention on; Head, Neck, Shoulders, Arms, Hands, Chest, Abdomen, Hips, Thighs, Knees, Calves, Ankle, Feet and Toes. Feel the life energy inside these parts as intensely as you can. Stay with each part for fifteen seconds or more.

Then let your attention run through the body like a wave a few times, from head to toes and back again. This need only take a minute or so. After that , feel the inner body in its totality as a single field of energy. Hold that feeling for a few minutes.

Be intensely present during that time, present in every cell of your body.

Don't be concerned if the mind occasionally succeeds in drawing your attention out of your body and you lose yourself in some thought. As soon as you notice that this has happened, just return your attention to the inner body.

Please don't just accept or reject what is written here, Put it to the test.

Stay Safe. Stay Present.

I love you. 4th of July

 Saturday in The Park 

In such a "Saturday in the park" kinda mood today. 

Perhaps it's because I took a stroll around the premises today, round the pool, by the garden, the trees, and soaked up some sun after a fabulous Saturday night.  Plus it's the 4th of July. 

This song, written by Robert Lamm, founder of Chicago, aptly captures the emotions and feelings of going to the park and indulging in activities in the park. In this case Central Park in NYC. Lamm was reportedly very excited after visiting and seeing the activities there- the steel drum players, singers, dancers, and jugglers. He said; "Man, it's time to put music to this!". Also the peace and love thing with people spending time and enjoying each others presence.  The lyrics are simple, poetic and as vivid as the colours they amplify. Like this line;

"Slow motion riders fly the colors of the day" He was describing kids riding bicycles tied with balloons.

Enjoy the song, the video and Central Park. Happy 4th of July everyone, especially people in America.

  

https://youtu.be/HjylD7esXDo

Saturday in the park
I think it was the Fourth of July
Saturday in the park
I think it was the Fourth of July

People dancing, people laughing
A man selling ice cream
Singing Italian songs

Eh Cumpari, ci vo sunari
Can you dig it? (Yes, I can)
And I've been waiting such a long time
For Saturday

Another day in the park
I think it was the Fourth of July
Another day in the park
I think it was the Fourth of July

People talking, really smiling
A man playing guitar (play the song)
(Play the song, play on)
And singing for us all

Will you help him change the world?
Can you dig it? (Yes, I can)
And I've been waiting such a long time
For today

Slow motion riders fly the colors of the day
A bronze man still can tell stories his own way
Listen children all is not lost, all is not lost, no, no, no

Funny days in the park
Every day's the Fourth of July
Funny days in the park
Every day's the Fourth of July

People reaching, people touching
A real celebration
Waiting for us all (waiting for us all)
If we want it, really want it
Can you dig it? (Yes, I can)
And I've been waiting such a long time
For the day, yeah, yeah, yeah

Ooh-hoo
Hmm hmm
Hmm hmm

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Robert William Lamm

Saturday in the Park lyrics © Warner Chappell Music, Inc, Universal Music Publishing Group, Spirit Music Group, BMG Rights Management

I love you. Mind.

 I Am Not My Mind.

During this prolonged lockdown, the mind is probably the most overworked and overused organ of the human body. 

Question is; do you use it or does it use you?

Your answer will determine whether you have a happy or depressed lockdown or lockup.

I love you. Beginnings.

 Meditation for Beginnings.

Sit with spine comfortably erect, in a cross-legged posture. 

Rest your hands, palms up on your thighs or in your lap.

Drop your shoulders and relax your whole body.

Bring your attention to your breathing. 

Inhale deeply and as you exhale, relax into it. 

Feel your body fully relaxed as you calmly settle down and focus on one thing you want to do that is not currently part of your life.

Be specific and imagine what it would look like, feel like. It may be meditating or exercising daily,

or learning something new or doing something creative - writing, singing, dancing, painting, - or simply being more patient with those you love. 

Pick something that has meaning for you.

See yourself beginning this activity. Imagine the state of mind, body and emotion ideally required to begin. How do you want to be feeling mentally, emotionally, and physically when you start? 

Imagine yourself as you ideally want to be to begin.

Stay with this for a few breaths.

Now, be aware of how you are feeling mentally, emotionally, and physically at this moment. 

Feel the gap, if you can, between where you want to be and where you are. 

Let your attention follow your inhalation and exhalation, take a few moments to to feel, without judgement, the gap between where you are and where you want to be- or think you should be- to begin.

Now, imagine yourself beginning to do what you want to do, starting from the place you are right now.

See yourself doing it- meditating, exercising, being more patient, learning something, doing something creative- just the way you are. 

Do not pull away from the way you are feeling. Let yourself relax into how things are and imagine doing what you want to do, perhaps not as perfectly, not as ideally as you first imagined it, but doing it anyway. Let go with each exhalation; let yourself feel exactly how you are feeling. 

Give yourself permission to begin from here.

I love you. Rumi

 Muhammad Jalaluddin Mawlana Rumi  (1207-1273)

Here is another superstar during his time. 

More writer, composer of songs, stories, than just a  poet, Rumi was celebrated as the equivalent of a blues icon. Like Miles Davis. 

Today he is the most celebrated poet of all time ranked the best selling poet in the US.

Rumi was born in Balkh, present day Afghanistan back then it was part of the great Persian empire. He wrote mostly in Persian but his work has influenced many other cultures in the Middle East. Born into a family of Islamic clerics, his father was a religious leader of traditional Islam faith. He lived as a sober scholar, nobleman, theologian and seeker of truth. 

However after a chance meeting with Shams of Tabriz, he became an impassioned seeker of universal truth and love, rising in popularity to become known as the greatest mystic poet. His work is deeply philosophical, from soulful expressions, to passionate love verses filled with desire and yearning. He also wrote anecdotes about life, moral stories, and stories from all three Abrahamic religions. 

He was a rebel, calling for breaking tradition and a soul yearning for freedom from dogma and hypocrisy. He also writes about going against the poison of fear based religions, extolling the remedy in love-based doctrine - a life journey free of guilt, fear and shame. Yet his work is not exclusive, he includes everyone. Therefore to classify or label him a Sufi is an understatement for he is more universal in his approach and is not bound by any cultural limitations. I would say he is a fully evolved human being that touches every one of us. 

Today Rumi's poems and writings are read in almost all houses of worship of all denominations.

Quotes

"Everything in the Universe is within You.

 

Ask All from Yourself"  ~ Rumi

~~ 

    "You Are Not A Drop in the Ocean,

 

You are The Entire Ocean in A Drop"  ~ Rumi

~~

"Run from What's Comfortable. Forget Safety.

 

Live Where You Fear To Live.

 

Destroy Your Reputation. Be Notorious.

 

I have tried Prudent Planning long enough.

 

From Now On I'll Be Mad." ~ Rumi

    ~~

 

Don't Grieve. Anything you Lose Comes Around in Another Form." ~ Rumi 

~~ 

"Do Not Feel Lonely, The Entire Universe is Inside You. ~ Rumi

~~

"Lovers don't finally meet somewhere.

 

they're in each other all along."  ~ Rumi

~~ 

Poetry 

I want to see you.

Know your voice. 

Recognise you when you first come round the corner.

Sense your scent when I come into a room you've just left.

Know the lift of your heel,

the glide of your foot.

Become familiar with the way you purse your lips,

then let them part, just the slightest bit,

when I lean in to your space

and kiss you.

I want to know the joy 

of how you whisper

"more"

~ Rumi

 

~~

A Life without love is a waste.

"Should I look for Spiritual love, or material or physical love?" ,

Don't ask yourself this question.

Discrimination leads to discrimination.

Love doesn't need any category or definition.

Love is a World itself.

Either you are in at the center...

Either you are out, yearning.

~ Rumi

~~

And goodbye for now....