I love you. Reading and Relationships.

What's the relationship between Reading & Relationships?

If you can approach a relationship the same way you approach reading a book. You will not only succeed but enjoy it tremendously.

Hence the saying; 'you can read a person like a book' 

Doing both well simply requires only one thing - Paying Attention. 

My obsession with books heightened when I spent some time working and travelling with the world's largest retailer of analogue books. I enjoyed every moment of the job. I especially loved the view from my office which overlooked the cavernous book warehouses on the premises. I felt cocooned, coddled, and privileged to be in the presence of millions of books. 

When not in the office, we took the show on the road traversing the region bringing stories, delight, and knowledge to the far reaches of Indonesia, Philippines, Pakistan, Myanmar, the Middle East, Sabah, Sarawak, Taiwan, Korea, and also throughout Malaysia.

Perhaps the best part of the job was when all the books we ship are finally sorted, catalogued, and displayed in the huge halls we occupy for ten days in each location. I get to feast on the thousands of titles on display and even browse titles of interest and later purchase them for my collection. Also equally delightful is when I get to chat with people of all ages, vocations, and sizes about what's happening in their part of the world. Made many friends and book recommendations that way. 

It must be said that when our book sale comes to town, things get pretty frenetic and even chaotic. 

It is an event much anticipated as no other can bring this many titles at such rock bottom prices. 

Taipei has got to be one of the most intense cities in my experience. This very aggressive Asian economic powerhouse is mainly driven by tiger mums fighting for a better life for their young ones. 

They know it is books that will determine a better life for their future. Especially English books.  

I observe the same sentiment exists in most locations we traverse to.

 

Mothers and parents of this age realize the immense power of analogue books in the digital age. 

Go figure.

On a similar tack, building relationships in the digital age must also harness the power of tangible, physical presence called the human touch. No one can deny that human beings need physical proximity, interaction, and touch. That is what separates us from mere interactions in the virtual space. 

Just as online books and audio editions of books can deliver the message, the printed form takes a physical shape that rests in the palms of our hands. We gently caress the cover and the pages, turning them over and over with our fingers with each page and each chapter, allowing the words to flow from each page of printed ink across the paper transforming the message and meaning into our eyes, through our senses, and into the mind. 

The message sinks in, we sit back and reflect upon the subtlety of the story or severity of the sentence. 

We remember to catch our breath and along with it, the scent of the wood in the paper upon which the entire book was printed. Suitably aroused and intoxicated with the physical ritual with good amounts of dopamine and endorphins produced, we dive in for more. This sequence of love-making to a book can also be applied to that of a lover.

The act of reading a physical book or the act of interacting with a person in person is different from an online experience simply because the online experience restricts communication only to the mind level. Whereas physicality engages our whole being, our human experience is a totally physical one that engages all of our body parts, mind, heart, and life energies.

This is probably what it means to have a human experience with all our sense perceptions. 

What book/s are you reading now? 

Or are you currently in a relationship?

 

Remember... to enjoy them just pay close attention.

I love you. Feel More, Think Less.

Thoughts Vs. Feelings. 

Photo by Laura Chouette on Unsplash

At times one would think that it is impossible to stop thinking. 

We have been so used to be told what to do and what to think, that it's even unthinkable to not think!

But in the off chance when we are not thinking, we slip into a state of feeling.  

Feeling is not thinking as it doesn't happen in the mind.

It happens in all of our being- our sense perceptions. 

Thinking cannot define feelings because feelings are not conclusive. 

Feelings are fleeting, feelings are to be fully experienced in the moment. 

That feeling need not and cannot be described. 

All the mind can comprehend is that it is a 'nice' feeling.

Let's take love. How does the mind define love? It cannot.

That is why there are so many different definitions of love coming from just one person.

And no one ever said that love is evil.

Love is all there is.

Connect with love through your feelings.

Here's how to differentiate the two;

Thoughts.

1. It seeks self aggrandisement.

2. It's a past event. 

3. It's a future event. 

4. It makes you feel anxious. 

5. It makes you feel regret.

6. It makes you angry. 

Feelings. 

1. Connected to everything & everyone in the present. 

2. No resistance to what is. 

3. Seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting and touching everything as they are. With no judgement. 

4. Paying attention to my interior (my body, inner space,) as well as the exterior. 

5. It makes me happy.

I love you. Be Still.

 Stillness is Meditation #3

Photo by Huper by Joshua Earle on Unsplash

Stillness is the nature of the source. 

Activity is the nature of the surface. 

Stillness is super dynamism. 

Every activity with any intensity will exhaust you. 

Stillness is building a bridge between the physical and non physical.

With super dynamic activity by being absolutely still. 

Yoga is a form of meditation and meditation is a form of yoga. 

Yoga simply means union. 

It is the union of all of our sense perceptions with the inner being or the cosmos. 

It is intense and relaxed at the same time. 

Access stillness through Meditation. 

Maintain a certain tension in body. Stare at a space then breathe slowly relaxing your breath, eyes, moving from the top of the head down to the toes for 11-21 minutes. 

Life is about enhancing perceptions. When you build a bridge from the physical with the non physical - core of who you are, you are not prejudiced with life. 

You will see everyone as an aspect of you. 

I love you. Happy Birthday Zane.

For Zane in October.

Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

"Music is the sound of emotions" ~ Victor Hugo 

That must be true because no other medium can evoke so many similar emotions with so many different compositions and instrumentation. 

What I am referring to is the ability of music & musicians to evoke the feeling of love in so many different & endless ways. 

When we pay attention & listen to them we are transformed into the ether in tune with the cosmos. 

Yet we don’t listen to music near enough. 

Like we don’t spend time with nature near enough. 

 Zane seems to have a set of earphones permanently plugged into his ears. 

 He has arguably the best music sense in the family. 

He has diverted my love for commercial jazz deep into mainstream jazz. 

I am thankful our music filled family home was instilled early in his childhood. 

He taught me how to listen to the emotions in music. It started with Mulgrew Miller’s classic; 

“it never entered my mind”  I will never forget it; he told me to listen to the emotions Miller was trying to make us feel. I did. And ever since I was hooked. Who could imagine? It never entered my mind...!

I now have the ability to appreciate true Jazz music & history through Zane. 

As a result I am in bliss every night. 

Thank you son. Happy Birthday. 

I am so proud of how you’ve turned out and who you have become. 

Courtesy of www.PaulCezanne.org

You are a true artist. A person who wants to excel in the arts. 

I named you after Paul Cezanne, whose father was against him being an artist. I love his art and I wanted you to be an artist.  His artistic style has been described to as having "spectacular depth of feelings." 

Picasso said this of him; "Paul Cezanne was my one and only master." To other artists, "his compositions were akin to god's."

You are living testimony. You appreciate art to the depths and you are also an artist to the depths. 

You have and will continue to live the promise you made to the family- That if you want to be a cobbler then be the best dang cobbler there is! 

Thank you. 

I love you. Son. 

Be well. Be conscious just the way you are.

P/S. You look really good. Sharp.

I love you. Wherever I live.

 Where I live now at the farm. Our ancestral home.

I have the pleasure of spending my resting days and nights in a pair of a 100-year old concrete shophouses with wooden floorboards, staircases, partitions and ceilings. This is our ancestral home, built by grandfather Mr. Gan Swee in 1919 by Chettiar craftsmen from India. 

The two adjoining shophouses have broad concrete five-foot ways supported by large pillars that are as old as the building.

We walk into the main one through the wooden door frame holding the tall heavy wooden doors at the main entrance , one of which is about to come apart, to the main reception hall. This space houses the antique mother of pearl furniture that line the walls of the main hall fronted by the family altar of solid dark rosewood carvings sitting high on the front wall separating the inner living ground floor quarters from the immediate courtyard. The wall is dominated by a large scrolled paper painting of Guan Kong, the god of war. At the far end of the wall, there's even a small window that opens out to the inner courtyard which has been neglected. Apart from this and the leaks everything else in the house stands solid. 

The unusually high ceiling, mosaic tiled flooring, wooden door frames, inner courtyard and outer kitchen fresh water well accentuates this century old building. 

Upstairs is reached by very steep stairs situated in the middle of the house just after the courtyard. The upstairs landing area is the living area which is a vast hall as broad and wide as the width of the shop lot. The dining/work table occupies a quarter of the room at the far end from the staircase, lined by a 3-step-case of glass fronted shelves housing the alcohol, books, tobacco and work paraphernalia. The back extension of the living area leads to an ample kitchen that looks out through a window to the farm at the back of the house. It's a good vantage point for viewing people coming and going to/from the farm.

Back at the living area, a large window opens out to the inner courtyard below revealing a patch of sky that floods our living room with light- sunlight by day and moonlight at night. Here is where I spend most of my time working on my mac or resting & reflecting staring out the window at night. 

We now cross-over to the lot next door which we also own, through an arched doorway purpose built to connect the two lots upstairs and downstairs. Both doorways are identical. This brings us to the inner living quarters, the TV area, the cupboards space, the ante-bedroom for  the bedroom of the lady of the house- my step mother. She's the undisputed queen of the roost. She keeps house to very high standards. A seasoned veteran of 80 years she has told me stories of her life to make mine pale in comparison. The inner living quarters lead via a walkway over the open courtyard to the main sleeping area at the front of the shop house. There are three partitioned rooms on this upstairs on the front of the shop house next door. 

I occupy the right partitioned room with two french windows fronting the main road of the small town of Johol. Which means I get to hear the goings-on the main thoroughfare below. The modified motorcycles are most incessant, occasionally overwhelmed by huge tanker trucks that grind by like a storm.

A large queen sized wooden bed greets you at the entrance from the flimsy wooden door that cuts short the wooden walkway to the front window. Apart from the largish bed there's a low side table for my smokes & crystal glass, another low table front adjacent to the foot of the bed sits the table fan that works hard all night to air my testicles under my sarong. A white plastic permanent recliner is parked close to my bed. I lounge in it smoking and drinking while listening to music from my beautiful bluetooth speakers made in China, positioned at the foot of my bed. At the corner near the right french window, the ceiling had somewhat partly collapsed revealing a damp and dark attic that drips water from leaking tiles at the century old roof, down to a large basin laid on the floor near the front right corner of the shop lot. 

With the frequent rains this time of year, my room will receive drips and drops of raindrops to the basin and the floor boards. Drip, drop, drib, drab....! All day and all night. And I love it. Sometimes.

This is where I live. For now. 

Come sit with me or roll around the bed with me. I'm here most of the time if not, I'm probably with you. Giving you pleasures you never thought possible. 

Not necessary physically but emotionally and spiritually for sure. 

See you soon? Meanwhile...

Be happy wherever you are.

Stay tuned. Literally.

I love you. My muse. My guru.

Photo by Mathew Schwartz on Unsplash

It was in September when I first met her, on one enchanted evening. 

She wore a red dress. She hosted dinner at one of my favourite restaurants in the city. 

Her flattering dress is further enhanced by her red lipstick. Perhaps I should say the red lips gave the whole ensemble it's centerpiece framed by the perky nose and penetrating doe eyes arched by finely defined high brows. 

She had set her sights for enterprises to build with her sons in her NGO to inject the social element into them. And she liked the T-shirt enterprise we started. Hence the audience with her. It felt like being summoned to have dinner with the queen. I don't recall much of what was discussed between the four of us except the visual was more overwhelming than the conversation or words spoken. I've never met a queen before and I couldn't take my eyes off her. I was simply drowning in my sense perceptions. Here was a woman of intense depth and deeper scars. I was captivated as a tiger would a samba deer. 

We were in constant touch ever since. 

The emails blossomed into the occasional coffee or dinner. Most encounters drag on into deep conversations ending up with invitations to her farm overseas. 

It wasn't on my bucket list but I ended up visiting her at the farm a couple of years later. I saw for the first time what she was describing to me at our meetings. I thoroughly enjoyed every moment of my stay there. It was eye opening. I went on Chinese valentine day- Chap Goh Mei and I returned on western St.Valentine's Day. 

Both Cupids shot their arrows deep. I was infected with the idealogy of social entrepreneuship. Much like Mao was with the ideology of Marx.

We kept in touch via the occasional text until she returned home less than a year later after some changes had happened at her farm. She closed that chapter after three years and brought everything home. She had also brought several burdens home with her. 

Chiefly the trials and tribulations of a single parent raising a teenager. And on the back burner the vision that passionately burns in her heart-to change the world, weighed heavily on her shoulders and mind. 

Building a single platform that onboards social enterprises that better the lives of the marginalised with the privileged. To empower the next generation by building world class products and services helmed by world class talents. These were all that our movement here stood for as well. 

She wanted to start a Social Enterprise platform and she needed help. I was always in business mode looking to climb higher up in the consultancy food chain to avoid extinction. Aka Business innovation or better known as survival. I saw the great value of the social element in enterprises. I was game. It was the next level up. I was excited. 

We crafted a loose plan, she took the lead and started off exploring every nook and cranny of the region. We were aligned in our vision of the world we were trying to build. We spoke at length, day and night, we were fully engaged and having fun. We connected at so many levels that we were never at a loss for things to say or do with each other. Even fighting was fun. We were so different yet so intimately familiar with each other. I told my family that we connected at levels that transcend sex. We travelled extensively, I was soaking in the new experiences and numerous new friends we met along the way. She looked happy, someone remarked at a wedding and news spread to several gossip groups. Maybe she does look happy because she was. I could never tell but I certainly hope she was happy though distant, because I was happy being with her.

Literally finalising our manifesto on the run, in airport lounges and hotel lobbies. We pursued the far horizons in search of our dream of making the world a better place for all.

Her defining moment for me was the time when she delivered a monologue that lasted over an hour convincing the professors, doctors and staff of the top Asian University to start a joint venture enterprise with us. 

She calls herself a social impact investor having invested in one of the largest NGOs in the region if not the world in helping families out of abject poverty. Except instead of just investing money she throws herself and her family into it by moving there and working on the ground. The heroic stories she shared with me were as endless as they were inspiring. If not for her I would not be where I am today. 

Me. 

Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would get acquainted with such an inconvenient not to mention unglamorius & uncomfortable vocation- farming. Mine was the finer realm of boardrooms and C-suites. Luxury hotels, fine bars and restaurants. Finely cut suits and even finer cuts of meguro and wagyu. Appropriately accompanied by fine sake or red wine.

I had spent my entire working life of over three decades eeking out a fine living in the city. The very thought of farming the soil never quite sat with me. But that changed when I met her. I was more open to the possibility. More importantly the numbers worked out very good. 

She. 

She left the life of the board rooms and C-suites having seen the futility of excesses, into the space of socialism. Social Entrepreneuship. Building upon her experience and learnings from her hands-on investments and experiences in the world's largest NGO for over three years. She was ready and capable. 

She had been looking to use her well accumulated knowledge and expertise to build her own farm to start her Social enterprise platform and school.

I wonder if she still wants to do that?

On that fateful enchanted evening, I thought I was the tiger stalking a deer but I realised she was a dragon in hiding. And I a crouching tiger. 

I love you. Faraway Eyes.

Faraway Eyes.

Photo Library of Congress on Unsplash

The girl with faraway eyes

In her presence I had and held her close

In every moment I have with her I hang on tight.

For I know not when faraway eyes will take her away again.

And for how long.

Now I sit alone once again

Without her by my side.

I picture the face of the girl with faraway eyes.

Knowing I have loved, I am in love.

I am love.

I love you. HB Summer Gan

Happy Birthday to Summer Gan- Our Daughter Extraordinaire.

This was the text I messaged her with, on her birthday. 

I suppose this was all the bandwidth which I feel we have for each other right now. 

Some things are better left unsaid and unspoken.

But now that I am in my private sanctuary- my blog, I can say a few words about my precious Summer lest I am rendered unable to do so.

Summer is Joy

Many would associate Joy with Spring,

I agree that the sprouting of life all around shouts Joy.

Summer is a Joy that exudes from within.

It's full term is Joyful Exuberance.

While Spring gives Joy from nature's surroundings,

Summer exudes Joy quietly from inside then manifesting exuberantly outside to infect all.

The joy that Summer brings is not just seasonal. 

It is eternal. It is always accessible.

It is just a step within. 

Happy Quarter Century my darling Princess.

Stay beautiful. Stay joyful.

I love you. My Chief Gardener/Planter

Our Man at the Farm.

Ah Ngau with his Baybee

 

Mr. Chin aka uncle Chin. Affectionately known as Ah Ngau. (The Bull) 

He’s my big brother, a father figure for the family at our farm. Most families here lack fathers. 

From the onset in June 2019, I was looking for Bangladeshi workers to work the farm. Not knowing the best candidate had already appeared on our farm. 

He showed up almost everyday in the wee hours of the morning to ferry the ladies residing on the farm to tap rubber and back. This way he helped the ladies supplement their families incomes & be independent income earners. 

One fine day he approached me while I was making my rounds or working haplessly tending to the newly planted herbs. He asked if he could cultivate some banana trees for own consumption as well as sale. I agreed if he promised to share a little of the produce with my family. 

He promptly said ok. 

Then I promptly asked him to help me at tending to our herbs- watering, weeding & fertilising. He agreed for a small monthly stipend.

 

He performed brilliantly! 

He not only carried out his tasks diligently, the herbs grew abundantly under his watch. 

I quickly put him on the payroll in January 2020 and we found the most important person for the Farm. 

I found a great big brother of 74 years young who taught me the rudiments of farming & planting. I lapped up everything he could teach me working with him. 

Best of all were the stories he told me about his encounters in the estates & plantations he worked in all his life. 

He worked mostly in the dark wee hours of the morning. Best accounts told to me were his ominous meetings with a black panther, a king cobra and a tiger’s spine tingling growl late in the night while he was tending a durian plantation in the nearby Rembau hills. 

He recounted that the tiger let out two low “pondok” shaking growls each time she decides to growl. 

He says the tiger is issuing a warning to trespassers nearby to leave. Ostensibly to protect her cubs. 

He told me he almost shit his pants when he first heard the growls and ran helter skelter for his life immediately. 

But he still had a job to do at the durian plantation. So he gathered up his courage and went back. Armed with thick bamboo trunks and loads of carbide, he concocted what is known as bamboo cannons or "meriam buluh." 

Packed tightly with carbide, a kind of combustible powder like gunpowder, he ignited a few cannons that let out loud explosions that rocked the hillside. The king of the jungle growled no more and he was back at his job.

You can imagine how much I look forward to starting and ending my day at the farm in discourse with him. Less at the start but more at sunset. I would inspect every inch of our farm every morning & evening while making my rounds. And at sunset sit him down to discuss progress while ogling & fawning over his littler of weeks-old puppies. 

When our Singaporean herbalist/planters/shareholders came again in February right after CNY, they met, worked with and transferred knowledge to him. 

Then the COVID-19 pandemic hit. On 17 March I left him after another enjoyable sunset session to return to KL and into a nationwide lockdown on 18 March. 

Least affected by the MCO he diligently tended to the farm and our herbs thrived wondrously as did nature during the worldwide pandemic. 

Our durians & petai trees yielded bumper harvests just in time for our conditional lifting of our MCO. We enjoyed the best durians in July/Aug and are still enjoying the petai harvests. 

On September 16 2020 we celebrated Malaysia Day with a party for family & friends by launching our enterprise HerbTec, at our farm. The most important event was when we introduced our farm crew to our guests- Uncle Chin & his team of super women, to rousing applause. 

He later admitted that during the moment of introduction, his legs went jelly!  Who could imagine?

 

Mr. Chin Mun Choong 74, married with one daughter who is in her late twenties. She has since married a man who lives in Johore. Her mother left uncle Chin to live with her daughter. Leaving Uncle Chin pretty much a bachelor to fend for himself & live alone for many years since. 

One of the main if not the most important reason I took to trusting him was the fact that he is a dog lover. 

I remember in July when one of his earlier puppies died, he took it so bad that he had to be admitted to Kuala Pilah General Hospital for fainting spells aka grief. I visited him and saw a tear in his eye. Good thing I was wearing a mask, I almost cried seeing the softness in his weather beaten tear stained eyes. It did take a while for him to fully recuperate. I quickly doubled his salary and added on assistants for fear he may be overworked. 

He’s back in his element now. Thank heavens.

 

Now he has a litter of six from his adorable & loyal Baybee a fierce female Boxer mix who birthed 2 white male, 2 black male, 1 brown male and 1 brown female- puppies on September 1st 2020. 

What a year it has been. 

Thank heavens. 

I love you Big brother Chin “Ah Ngau”. 

May you live long & prosper. 

I love you. Better still. Meditate #2.

Silence. Stillness. Space.

Photo by Sam 🐷 on Unsplash

I commune with my self in the Silent Stillness of Inner Space in Consciousness.

It's perhaps that I have been so far gone that I find this experience to be so painfully difficult. 

In all honesty, I have tried, maybe too hard, to be still and silent. I must say I have succeeded physically. But mentally, I am still flitting in and out of mind and the very few moments that I manage to control my mind, I am rewarded by the few glimpses of nothingness. Pure stillness. Bliss. 

I am about to attempt what science has failed to do; describe feelings. 

All I can say is, just today when meditating, I got to be alone with myself. Really alone to be beside myself and simply observe. Me. 

It's a very intimate feeling that we owe ourselves, to be acquainted with the self. 

To be silent. To be still and connect with your inner space, fully conscious being with the self. Am I making any sense? 

Of course not! Feelings are not supposed to make sense. They're supposed to be felt. 

So feel it with no thought. No judgement. Feel silence, stillness. Nothingness. 

This is the space of endless possibilities. The source of creation. Consciousness.

If you have come as far as this, then maybe you're woke.

Stay woke.

 Stay tuned. Literally.

I Love You. July.

For you Jon. It's your Month.

The month when god gifted us the first of many precious gifts.

And to think I wasn't going to be present for your birthing. How Preposterous!

I remember when Mum was close to labour and I was, as usual impatient, wanting to know when? Exactly! Because I had a very important meeting to attend. The Agency's most important Client.

Yes. I was that committed to work. Or totally unconscious to life! 

Thank heavens I didn't go for any meeting.

I was there at your emergence into this world. Scared shitless!

Cos I did not dare to stand at your emerging end. I merely stood by mum and held her hands. 

My hands were twisted and pulverised as she held onto me for dear life and pushed and pushed. 

She refused any form of assisted birth. 

She wanted a purely natural birth for her first child, she later tells me. 

After a long while, you emerged. It's a boy! Exclaimed Dr. McCoy very relieved I might add.

I managed to take a glance at you before the nurse took you away to be cleaned and weighed. 

You were a mess!

I stayed by mum's side while she released the afterbirth with a lot of fart noises. After that, the good Doctor proceeded to stitch her up. I remember asking him to stitch back a virgin. He said no problem.

Later in the recovery suite, I got to hold you with mum resting in her bed and then I carried you, lost in ecstasy admiring every part of you. What a miracle I felt. What a beautiful baby. My baby. My son.

You were and still are all that god intended.

Happy 30th Jon. I love you.

I Love You. Jon Gan

For You.

You always were and are to me;

A big and benevolent human being
A wonderful son 

A loyal friend

A cheerful soul
A brave soul
A tender lover
A passionate writer

A lover of music 
A lover of art
A lover of books
A lover of life.

A Scholar. A Sportsman. A Gentleman.

You were seldom if never angry, with never a bad word to ever leave your lips. 

Even the most "bad" word you uttered to your brother when you called him "fatty" wasn't even bad.

Fatty cannot be classified a bad word as there are more good definitions than bad in that word. 

Therefore it is a good word.

You will always be with me through my years of existence on this planet. 

You live as an existing memory in my being and in my life alongside me in my mind.
I am never alone with you beside me.

Happy 30th Jon. I love you.

I Love You. Happy 30th Jon

What do Blake Edwards, Stanley Kubrick, Mick Jagger, Helen Mirren & Jacinda Ardern have in common?

They all share the same birthday with Jonathan Gan Ye Zhan.

Blake Edwards

Blake Edwards (b. July 26, 1922) is an American film director, screenwriter, and producer originally William Blake McEdwards (1922–2010) Director and writer born in Tulsa, Oklahoma, USA. A former actor and radio scriptwriter, he made his film directorial debut in 1955 with Bring Your Smile Along. He is best known for Breakfast at Tiffanys (1961), and his series of Pink Panther films (1964–78) starring Peter Sellers. He also produced, directed, and occasionally wrote for the television series Peter Gunn (1958-1961). Other films include Operation Petticoat (1959), S.O.B. (1981), and Switch (1991). In 2004 he received a Lifetime Achievement Academy Award. He is married to the actress Julie Andrews.

Kubrick, Stanley

Kubrick, Stanley, (1928–99) American film director, writer, and producer, b. New York City. His visually stunning, thematically daring, boldly idiosyncratic, and darkly compelling films generally portray a deeply flawed humanity. Kubrick made several documentary shorts in the 1950s, turning to film noir features with Fear and Desire (1953), Killer's Kiss (1955), and The Killing (1956). He scored his first hit with the bleak antiwar drama Paths of Glory (1957). After completing the Roman epic Spartacus (1960), he left Hollywood (1961) to move to England. He soon made a series of brilliant films: the sexualized, sad, and uproariously comic Lolita (1962), the apocalyptic black comedy Dr. Strangelove (1964), the science-fiction classic 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968), and the violently futuristic A Clockwork Orange (1971). Kubrick's later films include Barry Lyndon (1975); The Shining (1987), a terrifying version of Stephen King's novel; the bitter Vietnam-era Full Metal Jacket (1987); and the psychosexual thriller Eyes Wide Shut (1999), his last film, called a masterpiece by some critics and a pretentious disappointment by others.

See biography by V. Lobrutto (1997); G. Phillips, Stanley Kubrick: A Film Odyssey (1975); T. A. Nelson, Kubrick: Inside a Film Artist's Maze (1982); M. Ciment, Kubrick (1983); N. Kagan, The Cinema of Stanley Kubrick (1989); M. Falsetto, Stanley Kubrick: A Narrative and Stylistic Analysis (1994).


Mick Jagger

popular name of Sir Michael Phillip Jagger (1943– ) Singer, born in Dartford, Kent, SE England, UK. He attended the London School of Economics, but left to form his own rock group, The Rolling Stones, together with Keith Richard, Bill Wyman, Charlie Watts, and Brian Jones. Following their debut in London (1962), the group released its first single, ‘Come On’ (1963). Jagger's unconventional behaviour on stage, and the group's uninhibited lifestyles, cultivated a rebellious image which appealed to a generation of teenagers during the 1960s. He wrote and sang many of their hit singles including ‘The Last Time’ (1965), ‘I Can't Get No Satisfaction’ (1965), ‘Honky Tonk Woman’ (1969), and various albums. He released two solo albums, She's the Boss (1985) and Primitive Cool (1987). Still popular after three decades, the group released the Steel Wheels album (1988), and went on tour (1989). They were still in the album charts in the 1990s with the release of Flashpoint (1991), Voodoo Lounge (1994), and Bridges to Babylon (1997), and in 2005 released A Bigger Bang with accompanying tour. In 2001 Jagger released a further solo album, Goddess in the Doorway. His film appearances include Performance (1968), Ned Kelly (1969), and Freejack (1992). He received a knighthood in 2002.

Helen Mirren 

Dame Helen Lydia Mirren, DBE (née Mironoff (ru Елена Лидия Васильевна Миронова - Elena Lydia Vasilievna Mironova^[1]); born 26 July 1945)^[2] is an English actor. Excelling on stage with the National Youth Theatre, her performance as Cleopatra in Antony and Cleopatra in 1965 saw her invited to join the Royal Shakespeare Company before she made her West End stage debut in 1975. Since then, Mirren has also had success in television and film. She is one of the few performers who have achieved the Triple Crown of Acting in the US. She won the Academy Award for Best Actress for her performance as Queen Elizabeth II in The Queen, the Tony Award for Best Actress in a Play for the same role in The Audience, and has won the Primetime Emmy Award for Outstanding Lead Actress in a Limited Series or Movie four times.

Mirren continued her successful film career when she starred more recently in Gosford Park (2001) with Maggie Smith and Calendar Girls (2003) with Julie Walters. Other more recent appearances include The Clearing, Pride, Raising Helen, and Shadowboxer. Mirren also provided the voice for the supercomputer "Deep Thought" in the film adaptation of Douglas Adams's The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. During her career, she has portrayed three British queens in different films and television series: Queen Elizabeth I in the television series Elizabeth I (2005), Queen Elizabeth II in The Queen (2006), and Queen Charlotte, the wife of King George III, in The Madness of King George (1994). She is the only actor to have portrayed both Queens Elizabeth on the screen.^[41]

Mirren's title role of The Queen earned her numerous acting awards including a BAFTA, a Golden Globe, and an Academy Award, among many others. During her acceptance speech at the Academy Award ceremony, she praised and thanked Elizabeth II and stated that she had maintained her dignity and weathered many storms during her reign as Queen. Mirren later appeared in supporting roles in the films National Treasure: Book of Secrets, Inkheart, State of Play, and The Last Station, for which she was nominated for an Oscar.^[45]

Jacinda Ardern

Jacinda Kate Laurell Ardern^[2] (/dʒəˈsɪndə ˈɑːrdɜːrn/;^[1] born 26 July 1980) is a New Zealand politician who has served as the 40th Prime Minister of New Zealand and Leader of the Labour Party since 2017. She has been the Member of Parliament (MP) for Mount Albert since March 2017, having first been elected to the House of Representatives as a list MP in 2008.^[3]

Born in Hamilton, Ardern grew up in Morrinsville and Murupara, where she attended a state school. After graduating from the University of Waikato in 2001, Ardern began her career working as a researcher in the office of Prime Minister Helen Clark. She later worked in London, within the Cabinet Office, and was elected President of the International Union of Socialist Youth.^[4][5] Ardern was first elected as an MP in the 2008 general election, when Labour lost power after nine years. She was later elected to represent the Mount Albert electorate in a by-election in February 2017.

Ardern was unanimously elected as Deputy Leader of the Labour Party on 1 March 2017, following the resignation of Annette King. Just five months later, with an election due, Labour Leader Andrew Little resigned after a historically low opinion polling result for the party, with Ardern elected unopposed as Leader of the Labour Party in his place.^[6] She led her party to gain 14 seats at the 2017 general election on 23 September, winning 46 seats to the National Party's 56.^[7] After a period of negotiations, New Zealand First chose to enter a minority coalition government with Labour, supported by the Green Party, with Ardern as Prime Minister; she was sworn in by the Governor-General on 26 October 2017.^[8] She became the world's youngest female head of government at age 37.

Jonathan Byron Gan Ye Zhan (1990-2006)

Born 1990 to ecstatic parents in Pantai Hospital, Kuala Lumpur. Received his primary education in Kuen Cheng Chinese School in Jalan Belfield Kuala Lumpur. Appointed school prefect, trumpeter and bass drum in the school marching band, sole member of the school tennis team and sole debater of the school's debating society. Played competitive level soccer in the weekend football club-First touch. Attended football coaching at Manchester United Soccer School in Old Trafford for 10 days on 2002. Scored 5 A's & 2B's in the UPSR exams and won a place in Victoria Institution Secondary School. Patrol Leader in the 1st KL Boys Scouts movement. Football on weekends, guitar lessons evenings. Friends, relatives, family and girls. What a full life he lived. Then he was diagnosed with PNET. An inoperable brain tumor had been found in the right thalamic area of his brain that eventually rendered his left side semi paralysed. He underwent cancer treatment- radio therapy, chemotherapy and subjected his physical and mental self to the harsh effects of the treatments. At times it was painfully unbearable but he never showed it or even complained. He soldiered on unflinching.   Only because we urged him to. 

We love you Jon and we look up to you in absolute awe, admiration and affection every day. 

You are our Super Star.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BOYS & GIRLS!

I love you. My MCO

I love you. Covid-19 Lockdown 

If not for the lockdown, I may not have started writing again. So it's only apt that I write about my MCO.

Picture by PineForest

First I must apologise to my reader/s for not having written for so long. I hope you didn't miss my writing too much.

It's just that I have been busy doing something even more important - Nothing. Or perhaps more accurately, trying to do nothing. Staying true to what I preach, I have in all earnesty been doing or trying to do nothing. 

My aim.

The talk I had going for everyone from the start was to do NOTHING during the lock down. 

My result?

In all honesty I think I managed about an hour of that in an average day. Hence a quote comes to mind;  "give meditation an hour and get 23 back."
The hour was invested in two sessions of meditation each day. These are my top thirteen results;

My learnings.

1. I don't need company. I'm comfortable enjoying my own company. 

Living alone truly allows me to get to know and understand myself a lot better. Something I have neglected doing all my life; getting to know myself truly, deeply, intimately. 

2. I think talk is totally unnecessary. Talk and chatter is just noise from the mind. 

Sitting in silence include silencing the mind. 

*Pico Iyer comes to mind here. In one podcast, he mentioned a practice for him & his Japanese wife living together for 26 years in Kyoto that; Everything is left unsaid. "The less I say to you, the more I respect you". 

Words are weapons, smokescreens. Words get in the way, taint, delude. Unnecessary. 

3. I prefer to be alone than with people unless they are people I choose to spend time with. And even if I do, it's only for a while. Then it's back to being alone again. 

4. I think work is mainly done in the mind wherever we are. Once we get our inside right, things will be alright. 

By tapping into pure intelligence unsullied by memory I explore endless possibilities. Deep reflections and focus on values and adding value, prevent unnecessary worry and work.

5. When it comes to nature, intervention is never a good idea. We merely plan and manage then step back and allow nature to work its blossom through you. Nature executes according to the cosmos.

*Sadhguru comes in here- if it's mangoes you want you must nurture the soil. 

As well as *Paulo Coelho- "How can we so arrogant? The planet is, was and always will be stronger than us. We can't destroy it; if we overstep the mark the planet will simply erase us from it's surface."

6. If you want to get things done ask your friends. If they can't do it they will ask their friends.

Build relationships, be human, be inclusive. Everybody wants to help they just need someone who they can trust to help them help. And they get tremendous value in return.

7. I have green hands. I have become an amateur botanist. My balcony plants and herbs are thriving. Topped off by the very spectacular raising of the midnight flower aka harum sundal malam aka tuber rose aka Rajnigandha that bloomed throughout the weeks, releasing fragrant stardust on my balcony seductively wafting into my rooms.

8. I keep pretty good house. I cook decent pasta and make great sandwiches. My breakfast bowls and my midnite snacks are legendary. I dread cleaning up of any kind but I endured like a Nanjing call girl during the Japanese occupation.

9. I get to see that I am mad. And that the whole world is mad. Fortunately for the mco we are forced to stop doing whatever our minds have convinced us to do on a daily basis and realise hopefully that if we don't know ourselves deeply and truly, why are we doing what we are doing and to what end? 

If we are not spending our time doing things that truly matter to us then what are we doing?

 
"How long are we going to delay to be wise?" *AC Grayling's Good Book keeps me on even keel here.

10. I dance and do uppa yoga very diligently on my magic Pakistani carpet in my living room. No one is watching.

11. I found my voice in writing. I came to finally make sense of myself enough to define it in words. I wrote shitloads in my blog, my note pads on both my iPhones and Keep Notes on my Oppo. All sorts, thoughts, ramblings, rantings, poems and love notes of yearning. Some would make ppl blush, laugh and cry. 

12. I sit crying on my balcony every night. Tears of love and loss. Mostly tears of joy. I will never know what I will experience or have experienced each night on my balcony. It's simply because I have no memory of previous experiences but feelings of bliss. That's the beauty of being fully present in the moment. Time doesn't exist. The moment NOW is all there is. *Eckhart Tolle's books cut me up and laid me bare here.

On my balcony, I once again for countless nights embark on whatsoever my experiences and bliss I will encounter when I travel on my balcony. And what wondrous sights my night journeys take me. I know it's crazy but words cannot describe. Period. I also have to qualify that little or no weed was used during the mco.

13. I discovered a fine writer in Gurcharan Das* that it's not difficult to be good. Because I learnt from the Mahabharata that Dharma is subtle. The mind, ever sneaky and devious, wants answers, labels and solid conclusions. 

Dharma is a moving river. "Do a task not for the fruits but for the act of doing it to your best". #nishkama #karma

It's easy just pay attention to everything you're doing. Enjoy. #joy 

*The Difficulty of Being Good. This is a book I want with me on a desert island.

Honourable mentions (that didn't make it to the top 13)

A. I took a course in Ancient Philosophy of Socrates, Plato, Aristotle and their successors from Penn State University on Coursera. I learnt that human intelligence & enlightenment today hasn't progressed much from then 500-937BCE. In fact we've gone backwards. Can you imagine going back beyond 500BCE? Primitive isn't it? 

B. I read Greek mythology from delightful books Heroes & Mythos written by Stephen Fry. a fine example of writing to make sense of the complex in simple ways such that a 6 year, a 16 year old and a PhD student would enjoy. Now I am aware of how religions and belief systems evolve from the Greco-Roman era. 

Stephen Fry has got to be naturally the smartest person of our age.  At his behest I was compelled to read De Profundis by another literary giant...

C. Oscar Wilde. The man I oft quoted in my life was himself a man most misunderstood in his lifetime (1854-1900). 

A highly intelligent & enlightened writer, he was sentenced to 2 years of solitary confinement in Reading Goal for buggery. While in incarceration he wrote that painful but beautiful De Profundis. 

D. Rudyard Kipling blew me away with his depth of knowledge & imagination on display in Jungle Book. The most profound lines he wrote that moved me was when Mowgli was forced to leave the wolf pack. He says; "These two things fight together in me as the snakes fight in the spring. The water comes out of my eyes; yet I laugh while it falls. Why?" 

E. George Orwell, David Henry Thoreau, and Ralph Waldo Emerson taught me how to write. All of whom spent time in deep solitude. I think it's highly recommended because it helps us realise that we are mad. Every one of us. 

It's just at varying degrees. Mad nonetheless. And broken.

E. My online presence has been nurtured, honed and tempered further, the seeds for my blog, twitter (except Instagram) accounts have been sowed more than a decade ago. I chose twitter to pacify an angry world, Instagram to enhance it and my blog to document them. Now I shall enhance my life through my profiles, painting my story with words and the occasional photo. Of people, places and things that I experience in my life. We're just budding.

F. Just like the farm. It's my most favourite place in all the world right now. My ground team has performed admirably during the mco in keeping it thriving abundantly. I shall stop here. Because when I start I shall never end. The only downside is that I don't yet have my music set-up there.

G.The music that I have listened to in solitude almost every night transports me. Most recently to thoughts and questions as to the origins and history of music. I developed a yearning to find out what, why and how music can connect all of us. Then I found a quote by Victor Hugo: "Music is the sound of emotions", and I decided to follow that quote and enrolled in a course on Music History from Yale. I am halfway through.

H. I found true friends and old friends and new friends and cemented more relationships than ever before. I found that family is not about blood but in brothers from a different mother who grew up together who are always there for us. 

I. And finally, I have found my freedom. From myself. 

Healing but still wonderfully mad.

I'd like to end by saying that I have been very blessed by the MCO. The end of it is a timely topping-off to my exile, pilgrimage, journey of self-imposed solitude, and incarceration (a must needed one). 

I have emerged conscious after almost two years of living alone. Just as the nation is emerging once again from 83 days of staying at home order. 

It's the new normal, my new normal. I hope everyone embraces this new normal and not look for what's no longer there. 

Let's Move on. Let's #Live. #Love. #Life. #Conscious. 

Come join me? 

Who knows what the morrow will bring? 

Stay happy. Stay tuned. Literally.