I love you. Success #3

 The Definition of a Successful Life. Now.

Image by PineForest

There is no need to wait until a ripe old age to assess if you have lived a successful life. You can do it now.

Ultimately life as we know it, boils down to three simple questions. 

Just answer these three questions with as much clarity as possible.

1. Where do I live?

 

2.  Who am I with?

       3.  What am I doing?

 

 Today we examine the third and probably the most important question.

"What am I doing?" is the most important because we are not what we say. We are what we do.

Having a job is the least important in this equation. You are not your job. Just like you are not your possessions or your intellect. These are merely accumulations of things or impressions you have acquired during your time here. They may be yours but they're not You. 

So, what are you doing? Refers to what are you doing with this life throbbing within you. And around you.

There are two parts in this. Within and Without.

Within you deals with what is happening inside you. Are you in a state of bliss? 

Are you living a life unsullied by memory or unnecessary thoughts that hijack your attention to a faraway place in the past or a non-event in the future?

Are you constantly present in the moment now? Are you living your life as it presents itself to you right NOW? Or are are you busy planning for the future right now? Or worse, suffering a past event?

Remember, the future is actually arriving in successions of the moment now.

So how do you know if you're living in the moment now? 

This brings us to the second part- Without.

Are you paying attention to everything around you with ALL of your sense perceptions?

• Do you hear the bird song in the distant trees? 

• Can you feel the morning breeze caressing the softness of your cheeks? 

• Do you notice the brilliant & ever changing hues of the evening sky? 

• Can you detect the subtle yet intoxicating fragrances nature exudes during the seasons? 

• Have you tasted the thick air on a moonlit night?

In short, Are you noticing in great detail the place where you live?

• Do you notice if she or he is happy, or sad? 

• Or whether your significant other is in need of a sympathetic ear or a strong shoulder?

In short, Are you paying close attention to the person you are with? 

So it doesn't really matter where you are or who you are with. What really matters is;

What are you doing?

If you think about it, what we should be doing is to be fully present to whatever is presented to us in the moment now. 

When we are able to do that, then the first two questions can only be truly meaningful.

Here's to a Successful Life. Now.

I Love You. MCO 3.0 Lockdown

Missing nature. More than people.

Today is the first day of another nation-wide 'lockdown'. 

Everyone agrees this is a necessary move to limit the free movement of our people, who otherwise would be visiting friends & relatives in the tradition of Hari Raya. It is due to this that Hari Raya clusters were started, sending unprecedented Covid-19 cases and casualties through the roof. 

Prior to this lockdown, there was a previous one which was too lax and taken too lightly by the masses.

Nevertheless the last MCO 3.0 prompted me to write a poem about my missing the forest. 

It was in late April during the start of the South West monsoons. (I was keeping it in the desperate hope that it'll age better like fine Burgundy)

Missing the Forest not the Trees

Thunderstorms & Rain, Days & Weeks on end.

Missed the outdoors & the trees.

Addicted to solitude in my cave, I yearn to walk in the forest 

Rain & wetness grows incessant.

Saw a window of evening sky free of rain.

Still wet from day long drizzle, the twilight inviting

Pulled my pants and my spirit on & out the door and onto the premises I went

How I have missed the road, trees, and flowers waning in the muted twilight

I am once again one with nature bathed in the swaying embrace of the trees 

Lining the perimeter they all reach out to greet me, shower me, swathing me.

Forests too far, the nearby trees I take for granted, beckon & cheer me on.

Hugged & kissed by the shrubbery, the rows of majestic pines, the phalanx of erect ashokas.

All along the walkway they line, as if for the first time, I walk with new strides.

Blessed & thankful. I am.

Lockdowns and lessons from the past can now help us be more aware of our situation. 

We know how to take responsibility for our selves and our loved ones. 

We know that by avoiding unnecessary travel and contact with others can help flatten the curve. 

With vaccination efforts being scaled up nationwide, we should reach herd immunity by August. 

Now that is truly something for all of us to look forward to.

Have a Happy two weeks of Lockdown everyone. I'm enjoying it already. 

I love you. Success #2

 The Definition of a Successful Life. Now.

Image by PineForest

There is no need to wait until a ripe old age to assess if you have lived a successful life. You can do it now.

Ultimately life as we know it, boils down to three simple questions. 

Just answer these three questions with as much clarity as possible.

1. Where do I live?

 

2.  Who am I with?

    

3.  What am I doing?

Today we examine the second question.

The second question deals with the person most significant in your life. 

The person you choose to be with, to spend time with or the person you love.

This person may or may not be with you all of the time. "Who are you with?" is a question that best describes having a deep and meaningful relationship with another person. 

The person you trust to be totally honest with. A soulmate perhaps. 

A person who you share unconditional love with. And more importantly a person who you can share silence and space with.

If you can be or have access to this person without having to be with him or her all the time, then you are truly successful. 

Ultimately the successful person is one who is happy being with oneself. Alone.

Who are you with?

I love you. Meditation #4

 A Meditation Sutra.

Be. The Observer of the thinker.

Be. The Observer of the meditator.

Observe. The Silence.

Be Aware.

Be Stillness.

Be Consciousness.

Hold Space

And Connect to the source.

Be One with The All.

*Notes to the sutra,

Meditation is like a luxury indulgence. It's the equivalent of taking a cigarette break, or a slow gentle hit from a nice joint. Only better. It is spending precious moments with oneself in solitude. 

Meditation is not about focussing on anything, instead it is about releasing and letting go of your mind and body. And reaching a point of no mind and no body-  getting in touch with our inner self which is formless and nameless. 

It is often described as the Oneness with everything around you. In fact the feeling is to be experienced, no words or no mind can describe. If you can describe it then you are still holding on to mind concepts. 

If at all you need to focus on anything, take your time and center yourself on the gentle awareness of your breathing in the background. 

How do you know if it worked? You will lose your anxieties, worries, fear, and anger. Feel calmer and more energised with acute consciousness.

To end, I like to quote one of the most influential author, activist and forward thinkers of our time; Marianne Williamson on twitter today. 

"If you don't meditate I don't know how you're enduring this moment in history"

 

- @marwilliamson

More on Meditation in previous Meditation #3 here > Stillness

I love you. Success #1

 The definition of a successful life. Now.

Image by PineForest

There is no need to wait until a ripe old age to assess if you have lived a successful life. You can do it now.

Ultimately life as we know it, boils down to three simple questions. 

Just answer these three questions with as much clarity as possible.

1. Where do I live?

2. Who am I with?

3. What am I doing?

These are the notes to guide you in the assessment;

Today we deal with the first.

Question 1 simply covers all aspects from where, to what sort of conditions, to how close to your dream abode are you living in.

This is the most important question because; Where I live determines where I am now. 

Right now is where life happens. The place, the conditions and how close to my dream abode all must contribute to my wellbeing, no matter how humble. Or opulent. 

It doesn't matter whether I own the place I live in. 

The key is my physical, mental, emotional and spiritual well being.

I may live in the slums yet I am happy. Likewise I may live in the swankiest neighbourhood in a palatial mansion but I may not be happy. 

This is how I benchmark my success against "Where I live?" 

- Is safety a tried and tested feature? 

We are responsible for our own safety- external & internal 

- Do my surroundings contribute to my overall peace of mind? 

Do the premises allow for physical activities, to move around to exercise. 

To be close enough to the community to not have to intrude and be intruded upon?

- Is the space within the walls conducive to my wellbeing?  

Can I conduct my personal pursuits and daily rituals in total silence and in absolute privacy? 

Can I play my music anytime. And loud? 

- Am I close to nature and space? 

Being from nature we need to connect with the source and free ourselves from time to time. 

Where do you live?

I love you. Stitches. Sutures. Sutras.

In the Silent, Stillness of Space.

Photo by Erika Fletcher on Unsplash

I have lost my patience and decided to put my thoughts in bits and spurts stringing prose like stitches, sutures or sutras together.  I aim to be short and sweet. As each is meant to sew, stitch and thread single simple thoughts together.

Each have a common thread running through. This thread is essential for these stitches, sutures or sutras to work. It might hold a garland, a string of beads or a diamond necklace.  Or even a message.

Like the thoughts these words carry in each instalment- they might be flowers, beads or diamonds and pearls to you.

Flowers and beads may give more joy to more people than diamonds or pearls.

It is what we value and give meaning to that counts.

Photo by priyash vasava on Unsplash

Enjoy!

I Love You. Zeno of Citium.

Stoicism.

I have fashioned my blog in the manner that Marcus Aurelius has penned his thoughts which he called his "Meditations."  I write in honour of the philosophy and ethics that guided our lives and is still guiding mine. 

The Stoics have been known to be seekers of happiness or blessedness a term they call "Eu~daimonia" derived from the greek language of Eu (good or well) and Daimon (spirit). This is attained by accepting the moment as it presents itself. 

Living in the moment or in the now.

Living fully in the moment simply means being fully present by not allowing oneself to be controlled by the desire for pleasure or by the fear of pain. Because both sensations only exist in the mind. 

Therefore, control the mind and you control the power of pleasure or pain. Otherwise it is the mind that controls us in meeting out pleasure or pain. 

It is also the practice of consciousness using one's mind to understand the world and to do one's part in nature's plan, and by working together and treating others fairly and justly. (Read kindness & compassion)

Perhaps the most evidently compelling case for Stoicism are two main principles;

1. It is not what a person SAYS but what he DOES that defines a person.

2. To live a good life, one had to understand the rules of the natural order since they thought everything was rooted in nature.

"Virtue consists in a will that is in agreement with Nature.This principle also applies to the realm of interpersonal relationships; "to be free from anger, envy, and jealousy, and to accept even slaves as "equals of other men, because all men alike are products of nature".


Here are more timeless Stoic principles that clearly reflect the rules of nature;

• Memento mori - Remember you will die. We all die. Sooner or later. We just don't know when. So remember to live. This life that we have been given is so fleeting.  For the conscious it is way too short. 

In a heartbeat or in one breath we can just disappear like the night at dawn. Or the day at dusk. 

• We will face challenges - Expect to meet people who are ignorant, arrogant, angry and fearful. Know that no one can hurt us. They're just ignorant. Just continue and Stay with breath. Overcome those challenges daily with consciousness of breath and...

• Daily ethical mindfulness - by paying attention. To everything.  Ethical dimension. Stay present. Stay with breath. Stay centered with kindness of heart.  Perform each action as though it were your last.  

• Amor fati - means Loving faith. Take a view from above. Transcend thoughts and emotions. Connect with your inner self often.  Give yourself advice from your inner being or higher self. 

• Meditate. To meditate is to spend time with yourself. Not your mind but your true self. When we get to spend time with our true self, only then can we begin to understand this life within us. This alone is enough to bring bliss into your life. Seek not anywhere else.

•  Daily evening journal - At day's end, Reflect on and write down;  What have I Done wrong. Condemn the action not the person. Question What did I do right?  What did I miss. 

• Kaizen - daily marginal improvements. Focus on just 1% improvement everyday. Small steps daily lead to huge long term benefits. This last one is more Japanese than Stoic but it fits.

Started as a philosophy of personal ethics in 3rd Century BC by Zeno of Citium in Athens, Stoicism lasted until the 3rd Century AD. It went into a decline when Christianity became the state religion of the Romans in 4th Century AD. 

Strong advocate of the stoics philosophy and ethics was the great Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius, and other Stoics like Seneca and Epictetus. Throughout history Stoic principles and thinking lived on and held true during the Renaissance period and in the contemporary era today. 

I love you. Yesterday, today and tomorrow.

I chanced upon a rare gem as I randomly browsed through 'The Essential Gibran' hardback. The only one remaining in my bookshelf of the two copies I purchased from The Strand book store in NYC.

This piece hit me hard in the silence of the night as I read it aloud. 

So hard that I refuse to let it lay idle, lost in the pages of the hardback tucked away in a bookshelf. 

I would prefer it laid out in a post exposed to my little world in my meditations. 

And if only one person were to read and enjoy the sublime beauty it represents, I would be truly happy.

 Yesterday, today and tomorrow. ~ Khalil Gibran

I said to my friend,

    'See her leaning over his arm?

    Yesterday she leaned over my arm'.

And he said:

    'Tomorrow she will lean over mine'.

And I said:

    'See her sitting at his side;

    And yesterday she sat at my side'.

And he said:

    'Tomorrow she will sit at mine'.

And I said,

    'Don't you see her drinking from his cup?

    And yesterday she sipped from mine'.

And he said:

    'Tomorrow she will drink from mine'.

And I said,

    'Look how she glances at him with eyes full of love!

    And with just such love, yesterday she glanced at me'.

And he said:

    'Tomorrow she will glance at me likewise'.

And I said,

    'Listen to her whispering songs of love in his ears.

    And yesterday she whispered the same songs in mine'.

And he said:

    'Tomorrow she will whisper them in mine'.

And I said,

    'Look at her embracing him, and yesterday she embraced me'.

And he said:

    'Tomorrow she will lie in my arms'.

And I said, 

    'What a strange woman she is!!'

And he said:

    'She is Life'.

I love you. My Ai Wei Wei

Art or Artist...? Novel or Novella...?

Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash

He was stealing glances at me while queuing at a counter in the airport.

Our eyes met briefly but deliberately. Neither of us smiled.

I registered an interesting face. A dignified one. 

But a stranger nonetheless. I was in no need for men that weekend.

I escaped a litany of them to relax & enjoy myself in this quaint little town.

Coincidentally we shared a taxi to our hotel and was formally introduced to each other at the pre-wedding party.

We sat drinking beers, smoking cigarettes and talked. 

We shared stories of solo trekking in the Annapurna. We connected at the intellectual level that night.

The next two days we spent time exploring the town eating and drinking- in town, out of town, at the wedding reception, the dinner party, and the after party. 

I enjoyed seeing him and having him around. 

He's fun.

We had a great time as a group of friends celebrating our friend's wedding parties.

We met back in the city months later after he returned from his travels over the year-end holidays.

He surprised me with a present over a quiet dinner of pasta & wine in a fancy restaurant where we talked till late. We shared a common interest in books and authors. But I think we shared a deeper longing for spirituality. Both of us were searching. For life. For meaning. For fulfilment. 

Whatever it was, we certainly weren't going to find it that night.

We reluctantly parted as he had his work and family to go home to and I went home to be alone.

As I lay down to sleep that night, I decided that I like that guy. He's a gentleman and a thinker.

We kept in touch solely through each others' social media postings.

 

Months and years passed until I came back to the local scene. 

It has been an introspective year, I was restless. I was impatient. I felt like a caged tiger. 

It was depressing to take stock of my achievements to find that there seemed to be none.

So I ranted and raved my frustrations online. I was also bored.

He responded almost instantly. He asked if we could meet. 

I said maybe. He suggested dinner. I said maybe.

I was unsure. It's been so long. 

I hardly know him. We've only met a couple of times.

What if he was a serial killer? Worse, a human trafficker. 

So we texted offline. I got tired of texting so I called him.

I was so glad I did. He sounded so different. So different from the person I first met. 

If I had enjoyed him the first time, I think this is an even more enjoyable version.

He sounded so exuberant, so joyful. His voice was calm and reassuring. 

We spoke late into the night, at the end I agreed to meet him for dinner. Why not? I thought.

The date was set two week away. The wait was agonising. 

I just could not wait to see him. He had charmed me, way before he was due to meet me again.

It was a Thursday when I saw him again. He offered to pick me up from my place.

I gave him the general location but not my address for reasons if he was unstable.

He showed up on time and I jumped into his car. He looked every bit the gentleman I knew.

Looking more lean and tanned. Still as attractive.

He promised me dinner but first he insisted on pre-dinner cocktails at his place.

My heart skipped a beat. But I decided to go along with his plan.

Music was playing as I entered his simple but beautiful home.

I felt immediately at ease, at home and a feeling of calmness descended upon us.

We never left for dinner after that.

We sat and watched the sunset over cocktails. We switched to a bottle of rare vintage Rioja after sunset.

"It's a special occasion!" he said while breaking the cork of the 30 year old vintage. 

Decanted, the wine aged beautifully lingering long and strong on a palate of chocolate, dark berries, spices with sweetness of character. The latter trait also describes the man who was my host, 

He skilfully entertained me through the night, coaxing me to loosen more than my tongue.

I told my current story in great detail, then my past in even greater detail. He listened in silence.

I felt liberated to unload years of stories of my childhood to stories of relationships and affairs. 

I felt a sense of pride and relief in unburdening the load I had been carrying all these years. 

I felt uplifted. And I was intoxicated, in every sense of the word. The bottle was also empty.

I had never had sex in quite a long time. I simply never had the chance. I was in need mode.

And here was a charming as fuck (pun intended) individual who has loosened my tongue and now me.

Sensing my willingness, he stood and beckoned me across the patio. I relented.

He took my hand in his and drew me effortlessly close to his chest. 

My face looked up to his face and we kissed. Hard and hungry at first then gentle, soft and long.

We continue kissing as he gently edges me to his leather couch. By which time I am already stripped down to my underwear. He proceeds to kiss my face, my ears, my neck, my shoulders, my breasts. His lips were so soft and gentle. So wonderfully inquisitive.

He takes his time to explore my naked body. Licking sucking and kissing every part his hands and tongue could reach. At times it feels like he has more tongue than hands. He eventually descends to my belly, kissing and licking my tummy and belly button. Moving lower, he pause to gently remove my underwear then dives head-on into my centre. 

He ate me full and wholesome that night. Like I wanted him to, the first night I sat with him almost six years to the date. I have him finally having me. Sweet and long. Pure languid bliss.

We continued to talk, smoke, and drink and then made sweet love all night long. 

It was only at dawn that we could finally tear ourselves from each other to collapse into deep slumber. 

To be continued...

 

I Love You. Pillow

A Sponsored Post. And a Comfortable One at that.

Someone spotted my blog, contacted me, sent me a pillow to test and here I am writing about it.

"Gentle in my face. Fragrant on my breath." 

You'd want that from your partner in bed. 

Good news. You don't have to have a partner to have that. 

Just a pillow. But not just any pillow. 

An Origin pillow.

 

Apart from the usual spiel about how good the technical details about the product or the company or the founders- which makes compelling stories as well. I won't go into advertising speak. God knows we've heard enough of that.

Just allow me to share my personal experience in using this pillow.

At first reluctantly. 

Because I prefer soft goose down pillows or soft cotton filled pillows that allow my entire head to sink into them and go into deep slumber. All is well and good until...

I wake up in the morning or noon to find both my throat and neck almost always sore.

The throat is from my thunderous snoring my partners tell me and the neck is from the lack of neck support during my sleep.

So, enter the Origin Superior Coolmax Pillow. 

Featured as one of the *Best 8 Pillows in Singapore.  For more details do checkout their website.

The thickness factor was the most daunting for me. After years of sleeping on thinner soft pillows, I had to switch to a thicker version. It's like sleeping with a fat lady after years of slims ones, I have nothing against fat ladies, it's just that I've not had the pleasure before. 

It took me awhile to adapt but after a long while, I finally got comfortable with it. 

I must say it's been quite a change for me as well as my sleep quality. 

- For me, I now wake up feeling well rested with less neck discomfort as I frequently have. This is due to my preference for softer pillows. Firmer pillows provide neck support, hence the happy neck.

- My sleep quality has definitely improved not only for me but for my partners as well. They noticed that I snore less thunderously and sleep more soundly. I certainly feel it in the morning.

I suffer from a potentially serious condition called sleep apnea. The muscles in the back of my throat collapses on my air passageway causing an obstruction to breathing. Technically I stopped breathing in my sleep. This causes my brain to rouse me by causing me to choke or cough to gasp for air. People with sleep apnea tend to do this frequently.

There are many causes for this condition but somehow the Origin pillow has somewhat reduced my strange (some call it bizarre) condition of 'breathing difficulties.'

I think the contour of the pillow design plays a big part in cradling my head such that it rests in optimum position. They say it's German technology coupled with local expertise. I say it's a load off my neck.

Credit to express photography

The founders, Shaun and Gee knew buying a mattress is bank busting business. They understood  that buying a mattress were a long term investment and that shopping for one brought endless unfamiliar terminologies and pushy salesmen.

You can visit them for all the details here > 

Origin Mattress

Website | Facebook | Instagram

Best in Singapore

Website | Facebook | Instagram

Stay tuned. Stay safe. I wish you good sleep.

A Love Story. Or is it?

Someone asked for a story.

Photo by Echo Wang on Unsplash

I remember now. the story I often tell when I was younger to gauge the core of the people I'm with. 

This is a love story about a boy and a girl who lives on the other side of the mountain. 

There's always a love story about a boy and a girl. Isn't there?

Well here it goes;

Once upon a time... a boy and a girl fell in love but they each live on the other side of the mountain separated by a raging river. 

One day the boy sends the girl a message pleading for her to come see him as quickly as she can. 

She rushes out the minute she receives his message. 

It's morning but alas the raging storm the night before has rendered all forms of travel to the other side of the mountain impossible. Save for a boat that could ford the raging waters driven by this boatman. 

She rush to him and offers to double his fare. But all he asks of her to take her across is to ride in his boat without her clothes. 

She refuses at first but reluctantly obliges desiring to be with her lover, the boatman ferries her across unharmed. 

Upon reaching the other side naked, she makes her way to his house a distance away. On the way she runs into a priest. Thank god, please father give me a cloth, a blanket or a shawl to cover myself so that I may run to see my lover. 

The priest hiss vileness and casts her as the devil in temptation refusing to help her. She with no choice runs into the forest to hide her shame while  looking for his house. 

She runs into a woodcutter instead. The strong virile woodcutter thinking god has answered his prayers promptly has his way with her. And boy did he have his way with her. 

She all bloodied, muddied and naked managed to run the last lap all the way to his house. 

Her boyfriend looks at her with displeasure, disdain and disbelief to the extent that he disowns and discards her. 

Heart broken the girl runs the final lap back to the river and jumps to her death. 

Sad ain't it?  

Question: Now rank in the order of blame, in order of appearance; 

the boatman, 

the priest, 

the woodcutter, 

the boyfriend. 

Who is the one most to blame?  Who is second? Third? 

I will deal with each one of you if you care to participate in the ranking of blame, in the order of your response. 

You decide.

Stay tuned. Literally. 

I love you. 2021

I love you. 2020 Goodbye.
But I never can say goodbye to 2020. Here I will try to let you go...

Photo by Moritz Knöringer on Unsplash

Most people can't wait to say goodbye to each outgoing year and optimistically welcome the new incoming year. 

In my case I could not really let 2020 go out just like that. It seems so difficult to have to leave behind a year that has meant so much to me. It has etched no, carved out a huge piece of me, turned me inside out- like falling head over heels in love over a person of interest. 2020 was the lover who cut me deep, most times painful, then nursed and mended me and made me leave behind a huge chunk of unnecessary baggage like fibroids. In the process I have also become lighter. And happier. I have never had so many happy days in my life than I have in 2020.

2020 will probably go down in history as the Covid-19 year, even though it started in 2019. Hence the name.

It was ironic that the Covid lockdown that got me writing this blog again. And again on our second lockdown. I began to settle down to read and write yet again.

Although many events unfolded in 2020, I was fortunate enough to have clocked in many hours as a novice monk or a yogi practising meditation. Thankfully I am able to shut out the unnecessary chatter and clutter the news portals and channels had to disseminate. Especially in Malaysia, suspense, fear and intrigue surmounted with the political musical chairs that was playing out amidst the spread of the pandemic. Politics or otherwise I am not going to complain. I've got another chance to reset again.

If there is one exercise that I am proud of and silently use daily is Meditation. 

It is no wonder this blog of mine is peppered with meditation posts. I urge you to find them and read them if you're interested.

Meditation if nothing more, is simply a daily cleansing of the mind much like the daily cleansing of our  body of it's wastes and toxins. If we can take the time and trouble to bathe daily, there is no reason to not meditate to cleanse our minds. The junk we accumulate over the course of one hour not to mention one day from whatever information we consume under the guise of news, entertainment, amusement, education, meetings, messages and gossip is simply mind boggling. Don't you think we need to empty the trash?

As a matter of fact, I can say that meditation is the most important thing in my day. 

More important than eating, drinking, entertainment, reading, listening to music or exercising. 

It's simply this; if my mind is not expunged of the junk and remnants of the day how can I function at optimum levels? We will only be caught in the never ending cycle of reliving old thoughts and recycling old experiences. That would be sad. Criminal even. Because our soul and sole purpose is to fully live in the present moment devoid of any interferences of past or future. 

That has been my regiment in 2020 and in so practising, however painful it was, I stuck to it diligently. 

I am also reaping the gifts that came along with the power of meditation. I became more calm, focussed, less distressed at every thought that invaded my mind, grateful, observant, aware of my surroundings, appreciative of people and things around me. 

The gifts I received came literally in all shapes and sizes, colour or creed, friends and lovers. Best of all I have never been happier.

A quote I came across aptly describes the benefits of meditation in one sentence;

"Give an hour to meditation, get 23 back"

Thank you 2020 for the gifts and the pain. It gives me great comfort in knowing that the gifts you have given me throughout the year will stay with me and last a mighty long time. Long after the pain is gone.

Thank you. Namaste,

Now I am ready for 2021. HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE.

I love you. Reading and Relationships.

What's the relationship between Reading & Relationships?

If you can approach a relationship the same way you approach reading a book. You will not only succeed but enjoy it tremendously.

Hence the saying; 'you can read a person like a book' 

Doing both well simply requires only one thing - Paying Attention. 

My obsession with books heightened when I spent some time working and travelling with the world's largest retailer of analogue books. I enjoyed every moment of the job. I especially loved the view from my office which overlooked the cavernous book warehouses on the premises. I felt cocooned, coddled, and privileged to be in the presence of millions of books. 

When not in the office, we took the show on the road traversing the region bringing stories, delight, and knowledge to the far reaches of Indonesia, Philippines, Pakistan, Myanmar, the Middle East, Sabah, Sarawak, Taiwan, Korea, and also throughout Malaysia.

Perhaps the best part of the job was when all the books we ship are finally sorted, catalogued, and displayed in the huge halls we occupy for ten days in each location. I get to feast on the thousands of titles on display and even browse titles of interest and later purchase them for my collection. Also equally delightful is when I get to chat with people of all ages, vocations, and sizes about what's happening in their part of the world. Made many friends and book recommendations that way. 

It must be said that when our book sale comes to town, things get pretty frenetic and even chaotic. 

It is an event much anticipated as no other can bring this many titles at such rock bottom prices. 

Taipei has got to be one of the most intense cities in my experience. This very aggressive Asian economic powerhouse is mainly driven by tiger mums fighting for a better life for their young ones. 

They know it is books that will determine a better life for their future. Especially English books.  

I observe the same sentiment exists in most locations we traverse to.

 

Mothers and parents of this age realize the immense power of analogue books in the digital age. 

Go figure.

On a similar tack, building relationships in the digital age must also harness the power of tangible, physical presence called the human touch. No one can deny that human beings need physical proximity, interaction, and touch. That is what separates us from mere interactions in the virtual space. 

Just as online books and audio editions of books can deliver the message, the printed form takes a physical shape that rests in the palms of our hands. We gently caress the cover and the pages, turning them over and over with our fingers with each page and each chapter, allowing the words to flow from each page of printed ink across the paper transforming the message and meaning into our eyes, through our senses, and into the mind. 

The message sinks in, we sit back and reflect upon the subtlety of the story or severity of the sentence. 

We remember to catch our breath and along with it, the scent of the wood in the paper upon which the entire book was printed. Suitably aroused and intoxicated with the physical ritual with good amounts of dopamine and endorphins produced, we dive in for more. This sequence of love-making to a book can also be applied to that of a lover.

The act of reading a physical book or the act of interacting with a person in person is different from an online experience simply because the online experience restricts communication only to the mind level. Whereas physicality engages our whole being, our human experience is a totally physical one that engages all of our body parts, mind, heart, and life energies.

This is probably what it means to have a human experience with all our sense perceptions. 

What book/s are you reading now? 

Or are you currently in a relationship?

 

Remember... to enjoy them just pay close attention.

I love you. Feel More, Think Less.

Thoughts Vs. Feelings. 

Photo by Laura Chouette on Unsplash

At times one would think that it is impossible to stop thinking. 

We have been so used to be told what to do and what to think, that it's even unthinkable to not think!

But in the off chance when we are not thinking, we slip into a state of feeling.  

Feeling is not thinking as it doesn't happen in the mind.

It happens in all of our being- our sense perceptions. 

Thinking cannot define feelings because feelings are not conclusive. 

Feelings are fleeting, feelings are to be fully experienced in the moment. 

That feeling need not and cannot be described. 

All the mind can comprehend is that it is a 'nice' feeling.

Let's take love. How does the mind define love? It cannot.

That is why there are so many different definitions of love coming from just one person.

And no one ever said that love is evil.

Love is all there is.

Connect with love through your feelings.

Here's how to differentiate the two;

Thoughts.

1. It seeks self aggrandisement.

2. It's a past event. 

3. It's a future event. 

4. It makes you feel anxious. 

5. It makes you feel regret.

6. It makes you angry. 

Feelings. 

1. Connected to everything & everyone in the present. 

2. No resistance to what is. 

3. Seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting and touching everything as they are. With no judgement. 

4. Paying attention to my interior (my body, inner space,) as well as the exterior. 

5. It makes me happy.

I love you. Be Still.

 Stillness is Meditation #3

Photo by Huper by Joshua Earle on Unsplash

Stillness is the nature of the source. 

Activity is the nature of the surface. 

Stillness is super dynamism. 

Every activity with any intensity will exhaust you. 

Stillness is building a bridge between the physical and non physical.

With super dynamic activity by being absolutely still. 

Yoga is a form of meditation and meditation is a form of yoga. 

Yoga simply means union. 

It is the union of all of our sense perceptions with the inner being or the cosmos. 

It is intense and relaxed at the same time. 

Access stillness through Meditation. 

Maintain a certain tension in body. Stare at a space then breathe slowly relaxing your breath, eyes, moving from the top of the head down to the toes for 11-21 minutes. 

Life is about enhancing perceptions. When you build a bridge from the physical with the non physical - core of who you are, you are not prejudiced with life. 

You will see everyone as an aspect of you. 

I love you. Happy Birthday Zane.

For Zane in October.

Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

"Music is the sound of emotions" ~ Victor Hugo 

That must be true because no other medium can evoke so many similar emotions with so many different compositions and instrumentation. 

What I am referring to is the ability of music & musicians to evoke the feeling of love in so many different & endless ways. 

When we pay attention & listen to them we are transformed into the ether in tune with the cosmos. 

Yet we don’t listen to music near enough. 

Like we don’t spend time with nature near enough. 

 Zane seems to have a set of earphones permanently plugged into his ears. 

 He has arguably the best music sense in the family. 

He has diverted my love for commercial jazz deep into mainstream jazz. 

I am thankful our music filled family home was instilled early in his childhood. 

He taught me how to listen to the emotions in music. It started with Mulgrew Miller’s classic; 

“it never entered my mind”  I will never forget it; he told me to listen to the emotions Miller was trying to make us feel. I did. And ever since I was hooked. Who could imagine? It never entered my mind...!

I now have the ability to appreciate true Jazz music & history through Zane. 

As a result I am in bliss every night. 

Thank you son. Happy Birthday. 

I am so proud of how you’ve turned out and who you have become. 

Courtesy of www.PaulCezanne.org

You are a true artist. A person who wants to excel in the arts. 

I named you after Paul Cezanne, whose father was against him being an artist. I love his art and I wanted you to be an artist.  His artistic style has been described to as having "spectacular depth of feelings." 

Picasso said this of him; "Paul Cezanne was my one and only master." To other artists, "his compositions were akin to god's."

You are living testimony. You appreciate art to the depths and you are also an artist to the depths. 

You have and will continue to live the promise you made to the family- That if you want to be a cobbler then be the best dang cobbler there is! 

Thank you. 

I love you. Son. 

Be well. Be conscious just the way you are.

P/S. You look really good. Sharp.

I love you. Wherever I live.

 Where I live now at the farm. Our ancestral home.

I have the pleasure of spending my resting days and nights in a pair of a 100-year old concrete shophouses with wooden floorboards, staircases, partitions and ceilings. This is our ancestral home, built by grandfather Mr. Gan Swee in 1919 by Chettiar craftsmen from India. 

The two adjoining shophouses have broad concrete five-foot ways supported by large pillars that are as old as the building.

We walk into the main one through the wooden door frame holding the tall heavy wooden doors at the main entrance , one of which is about to come apart, to the main reception hall. This space houses the antique mother of pearl furniture that line the walls of the main hall fronted by the family altar of solid dark rosewood carvings sitting high on the front wall separating the inner living ground floor quarters from the immediate courtyard. The wall is dominated by a large scrolled paper painting of Guan Kong, the god of war. At the far end of the wall, there's even a small window that opens out to the inner courtyard which has been neglected. Apart from this and the leaks everything else in the house stands solid. 

The unusually high ceiling, mosaic tiled flooring, wooden door frames, inner courtyard and outer kitchen fresh water well accentuates this century old building. 

Upstairs is reached by very steep stairs situated in the middle of the house just after the courtyard. The upstairs landing area is the living area which is a vast hall as broad and wide as the width of the shop lot. The dining/work table occupies a quarter of the room at the far end from the staircase, lined by a 3-step-case of glass fronted shelves housing the alcohol, books, tobacco and work paraphernalia. The back extension of the living area leads to an ample kitchen that looks out through a window to the farm at the back of the house. It's a good vantage point for viewing people coming and going to/from the farm.

Back at the living area, a large window opens out to the inner courtyard below revealing a patch of sky that floods our living room with light- sunlight by day and moonlight at night. Here is where I spend most of my time working on my mac or resting & reflecting staring out the window at night. 

We now cross-over to the lot next door which we also own, through an arched doorway purpose built to connect the two lots upstairs and downstairs. Both doorways are identical. This brings us to the inner living quarters, the TV area, the cupboards space, the ante-bedroom for  the bedroom of the lady of the house- my step mother. She's the undisputed queen of the roost. She keeps house to very high standards. A seasoned veteran of 80 years she has told me stories of her life to make mine pale in comparison. The inner living quarters lead via a walkway over the open courtyard to the main sleeping area at the front of the shop house. There are three partitioned rooms on this upstairs on the front of the shop house next door. 

I occupy the right partitioned room with two french windows fronting the main road of the small town of Johol. Which means I get to hear the goings-on the main thoroughfare below. The modified motorcycles are most incessant, occasionally overwhelmed by huge tanker trucks that grind by like a storm.

A large queen sized wooden bed greets you at the entrance from the flimsy wooden door that cuts short the wooden walkway to the front window. Apart from the largish bed there's a low side table for my smokes & crystal glass, another low table front adjacent to the foot of the bed sits the table fan that works hard all night to air my testicles under my sarong. A white plastic permanent recliner is parked close to my bed. I lounge in it smoking and drinking while listening to music from my beautiful bluetooth speakers made in China, positioned at the foot of my bed. At the corner near the right french window, the ceiling had somewhat partly collapsed revealing a damp and dark attic that drips water from leaking tiles at the century old roof, down to a large basin laid on the floor near the front right corner of the shop lot. 

With the frequent rains this time of year, my room will receive drips and drops of raindrops to the basin and the floor boards. Drip, drop, drib, drab....! All day and all night. And I love it. Sometimes.

This is where I live. For now. 

Come sit with me or roll around the bed with me. I'm here most of the time if not, I'm probably with you. Giving you pleasures you never thought possible. 

Not necessary physically but emotionally and spiritually for sure. 

See you soon? Meanwhile...

Be happy wherever you are.

Stay tuned. Literally.

I love you. My muse. My guru.

Photo by Mathew Schwartz on Unsplash

It was in September when I first met her, on one enchanted evening. 

She wore a red dress. She hosted dinner at one of my favourite restaurants in the city. 

Her flattering dress is further enhanced by her red lipstick. Perhaps I should say the red lips gave the whole ensemble it's centerpiece framed by the perky nose and penetrating doe eyes arched by finely defined high brows. 

She had set her sights for enterprises to build with her sons in her NGO to inject the social element into them. And she liked the T-shirt enterprise we started. Hence the audience with her. It felt like being summoned to have dinner with the queen. I don't recall much of what was discussed between the four of us except the visual was more overwhelming than the conversation or words spoken. I've never met a queen before and I couldn't take my eyes off her. I was simply drowning in my sense perceptions. Here was a woman of intense depth and deeper scars. I was captivated as a tiger would a samba deer. 

We were in constant touch ever since. 

The emails blossomed into the occasional coffee or dinner. Most encounters drag on into deep conversations ending up with invitations to her farm overseas. 

It wasn't on my bucket list but I ended up visiting her at the farm a couple of years later. I saw for the first time what she was describing to me at our meetings. I thoroughly enjoyed every moment of my stay there. It was eye opening. I went on Chinese valentine day- Chap Goh Mei and I returned on western St.Valentine's Day. 

Both Cupids shot their arrows deep. I was infected with the idealogy of social entrepreneuship. Much like Mao was with the ideology of Marx.

We kept in touch via the occasional text until she returned home less than a year later after some changes had happened at her farm. She closed that chapter after three years and brought everything home. She had also brought several burdens home with her. 

Chiefly the trials and tribulations of a single parent raising a teenager. And on the back burner the vision that passionately burns in her heart-to change the world, weighed heavily on her shoulders and mind. 

Building a single platform that onboards social enterprises that better the lives of the marginalised with the privileged. To empower the next generation by building world class products and services helmed by world class talents. These were all that our movement here stood for as well. 

She wanted to start a Social Enterprise platform and she needed help. I was always in business mode looking to climb higher up in the consultancy food chain to avoid extinction. Aka Business innovation or better known as survival. I saw the great value of the social element in enterprises. I was game. It was the next level up. I was excited. 

We crafted a loose plan, she took the lead and started off exploring every nook and cranny of the region. We were aligned in our vision of the world we were trying to build. We spoke at length, day and night, we were fully engaged and having fun. We connected at so many levels that we were never at a loss for things to say or do with each other. Even fighting was fun. We were so different yet so intimately familiar with each other. I told my family that we connected at levels that transcend sex. We travelled extensively, I was soaking in the new experiences and numerous new friends we met along the way. She looked happy, someone remarked at a wedding and news spread to several gossip groups. Maybe she does look happy because she was. I could never tell but I certainly hope she was happy though distant, because I was happy being with her.

Literally finalising our manifesto on the run, in airport lounges and hotel lobbies. We pursued the far horizons in search of our dream of making the world a better place for all.

Her defining moment for me was the time when she delivered a monologue that lasted over an hour convincing the professors, doctors and staff of the top Asian University to start a joint venture enterprise with us. 

She calls herself a social impact investor having invested in one of the largest NGOs in the region if not the world in helping families out of abject poverty. Except instead of just investing money she throws herself and her family into it by moving there and working on the ground. The heroic stories she shared with me were as endless as they were inspiring. If not for her I would not be where I am today. 

Me. 

Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would get acquainted with such an inconvenient not to mention unglamorius & uncomfortable vocation- farming. Mine was the finer realm of boardrooms and C-suites. Luxury hotels, fine bars and restaurants. Finely cut suits and even finer cuts of meguro and wagyu. Appropriately accompanied by fine sake or red wine.

I had spent my entire working life of over three decades eeking out a fine living in the city. The very thought of farming the soil never quite sat with me. But that changed when I met her. I was more open to the possibility. More importantly the numbers worked out very good. 

She. 

She left the life of the board rooms and C-suites having seen the futility of excesses, into the space of socialism. Social Entrepreneuship. Building upon her experience and learnings from her hands-on investments and experiences in the world's largest NGO for over three years. She was ready and capable. 

She had been looking to use her well accumulated knowledge and expertise to build her own farm to start her Social enterprise platform and school.

I wonder if she still wants to do that?

On that fateful enchanted evening, I thought I was the tiger stalking a deer but I realised she was a dragon in hiding. And I a crouching tiger. 

I love you. Faraway Eyes.

Faraway Eyes.

Photo Library of Congress on Unsplash

The girl with faraway eyes

In her presence I had and held her close

In every moment I have with her I hang on tight.

For I know not when faraway eyes will take her away again.

And for how long.

Now I sit alone once again

Without her by my side.

I picture the face of the girl with faraway eyes.

Knowing I have loved, I am in love.

I am love.

I love you. HB Summer Gan

Happy Birthday to Summer Gan- Our Daughter Extraordinaire.

This was the text I messaged her with, on her birthday. 

I suppose this was all the bandwidth which I feel we have for each other right now. 

Some things are better left unsaid and unspoken.

But now that I am in my private sanctuary- my blog, I can say a few words about my precious Summer lest I am rendered unable to do so.

Summer is Joy

Many would associate Joy with Spring,

I agree that the sprouting of life all around shouts Joy.

Summer is a Joy that exudes from within.

It's full term is Joyful Exuberance.

While Spring gives Joy from nature's surroundings,

Summer exudes Joy quietly from inside then manifesting exuberantly outside to infect all.

The joy that Summer brings is not just seasonal. 

It is eternal. It is always accessible.

It is just a step within. 

Happy Quarter Century my darling Princess.

Stay beautiful. Stay joyful.